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Painfully Single!

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I have been trying to convince myself that I am not actually feeling lonely and that I do not want or need a man in my life, but it hasn't worked. I've been single for over a year now and hating every minute of it. It wasn't until maybe three or four months ago that I started to want to have a boyfriend, not because I wasn't ready due to my previous relationship, but because I just did not want to have any commitment to anybody and felt like I needed to feel free and make new friends instead of lovers.

I feel like everyone around me is either engaged, married, with a boyfriend or at least having an active dating life. I've noticed that regardless of what people look like: pretty, ugly, fat, skinny, moody, angry, bitchy, employed, unemployed, intelligent and even not so intelligent, geeky or not; everyone has someone and I feel like I have been left alone in the world. Yes I know I sound dramatic but it's what I've seen over the past few months.


Aside from not having a boyfriend to cuddle with (I have my dog though, lol) I have very few friends which are always MIA. For some reason they don't really consider me when making plans and stuff, even though when we do spend time together we all have a great time (they even say so).

Please help me. In a way feel like I need to find other people that may be going through a similar situation because I have already done everything possible to remedy my situation such as joining social groups in order to meet new people, and even went and a couple of speed dates.

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Anne26 Anne26 7 years
It's way better than having a boyfriend that is not worth your time and gives you issues. My bf practically left me for a whore that slept with like 20 men practically and married ones too before he dated her for like 3 weeks and he left her. He really sold himself cheap and it changed my whole outlook on him. So yeah I think I was better off ending my 2 year relationship with a guy that is not worth even marrying from what he did. I have been single now like 1 month but my last relationship was only 4 months and before that single most of the time after my ex let go of me. Don't worry. Your better off. You will appreciate it when you do get a boyfriend that you were single for some time. :-)
mix-tape mix-tape 7 years
Hi! I'm in your situation. It hasn't been an entire year yet, but I'm well on my way there. Sure I've been on dates without chemistry during this single time period. Hey, it's a free dinner, but eventually that isn't even fun and almost leaves me feeling lonelier. Don't listen to people that say you might talk about your dog too much, that made me laugh. As a dog owner myself, I've found that going to dog parks with my pooch is a great ice breaker. Plus, meeting guys with a love for dogs is always fun. Another thing someone else mentioned is that maybe you should try making friends first. I had a few crushes that were not working out in my favor so I made a point to give up looking for love and suddenly I've got guys after me. Love will happen on its own time. Try to enjoy being single on weekends and embrace it rather than dwell on it.
kittieflyn kittieflyn 7 years
I'm going through the same thing. It is frustrating especially if your closest friends are MIA or like me, live very far away (my best friend lives in the UK). People tell me to enjoy being single. My committed friends tell me how jealous they are of my life and wish they were still single. I don't think this is true as I recall them lamenting complaining when they were in my situation. I feel your pain. I know how to be alone. I don't want to be alone and feel there's a difference. I am cute, smart, intelligent, athletic (and in great shape), have a good job and am generally a happy person. I don't understand. I've tried making new friends but it proves very hard once out of college. I've done all the dating sites (eharmony, match, chemistry, meetup and even the free ones) and have not had much luck. I'm not picky. I've gone out with all different types of men - I don't have a type and am open to going on a first date with most anyone. I could 'settle' and continue to date men even if there's no chemistry but why should I have to settle? It seems these days there are more and more single women who are in the same boat. Why is that?
sourcherry sourcherry 7 years
I'd be more invested in friendships than in romance for now. If not for other reason, because romance doesn't come when you want it to, and when you actively seek it it is very easy to seem desperate. Also, going out more often with friends would help you feel a lot better about being single. So, for now, just focus on your social life. Get together with your friends, try to make new ones by joining a class or something like that, and have fun. And yeah, you might meet a guy you like in the process, but no pressure regarding that :)
weffie weffie 7 years
Get a job in a bar! Seriously, you'll get hit on like 20 times a day haha... some of them are creepy drunk guys but I've met a ton of really great people in my bar that I'm good friends with now. Plus, you'll develop friendships with your coworkers so you'll expand your network of people who think of you when they have a cute friend become suddenly single :)
pink-elephant pink-elephant 7 years
It is very difficult to cope with being single especially when you notice "everyone else" that seems to have a SO. Believe me though, you are not the only one. When you're single, it just seems to make everything else look that way, highlighting your situation and thus making you feel "unattractive/undesirable, etc etc..." After a bad breakup I went through a similar dry spell myself, but it doesn't have to be all bad. Try and use this time to figure out who you are, your goals, what you're interested in and in the meantime try and grab hold of these MIA friends of yours and schedule time together or find some other single girls you could hang out with and gain some perspective from. (Believe me, you're not the only one.) Don't worry hon, the dating drought won't last forever!
Leanne1078 Leanne1078 7 years
I went through something similar when I moved to a new place and didn't really know anyone yet. I used meetup dot com to find things to do, and I used the free dating site okcupid dot com to find dates and both resulted in meeting new friends. You just have to put yourself out there, no matter how hard it is! Another good thing to do is join a gym, or take cooking classes or something where you'll be around men your age. It all sounds scary but it doesn't take too long before you meet some great people!
Sarelpt Sarelpt 7 years
Don't worry, it'll be ok. Also don't worry because when you head out to these places, you might have this desprate, worried look on your face that you're not even aware of. I've been in the same situation. For your MIA friends, maybe you should invite them to your house for a girls night in. For finding someone, try going to places YOU like. Speed dates and the like maybe aren't working because it looks like you'll go anywhere for someone. Try the restaurant or bar YOU enjoy and are comfortable with. If you find someone there you know you both feel comfortable and if you go away without meeting someone, well at least you got to get out somewhere you like. Build confidence in yourself too, like what you see in the mirror and someone else will too.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 7 years
It sounds like you might have some confidence or self-esteem issues. Spend this time building your own interests and following your heart and you will attract friends and lovers. Good luck.
kayte26 kayte26 7 years
you need to start enjoying what you have and let your hair down once you enjoy what you have everything else will slip into place dont be scared to let people in
Xemena Xemena 7 years
oh come on ur situation is not that bad, atleast u have the dog, so many ppl dun even have a dog.
Venus1 Venus1 7 years
Obviously I don't know where you live but there are many out there who feel exactly the same as you. It's time for life changes. Join some groups or classes, maybe even look on line (but heed caution here too). Good luck and I hope you start to have fun.
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