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For People Who Struggle With Being Single, What Advice Do You Have?

Life is a learning process, and the things we learn when we’re on our own are the same things we take with us into a relationship. Likewise, the things we come to know about ourselves after we’ve been with someone could have been extremely useful to know back when we were single. You can’t go backward, but wouldn’t it at least be great to share with your past self some of the things you’ve learned in the dating game? Since we can't, we might as well share our advice with the women who can use it right now. So ladies, for those of you settled into relationships and those of you thrilled with your single status, what advice would you give to those women who would rather pass on the single life altogether?


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Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 8 years
Chances are that if you are unhappy being by yourself, you won't really be able to create a happy and healthy relationship with someone else because you will rely on them to make you happy, as opposed to it coming from within. Being single is all about "me time". After I broke up with my ex, my first thought was "Oh, I'm really excited to start dating someone else" and when that didn't immediately happen, I was confused because I didn't know what else to do. But I decided that I will take a year to just be selfish and do whatever I feel like to make myself happy. Once I got over the initial hump of "Shit, what now?" I found myself with tons of hobbies, tons of friends and tons of plans. I traveled, I learned to play an instrument, I started going to parties and events, and introducing myself to strangers. I had some hookups. I have loved every second of the past year and now that it's almost up, I think I'll just keep going. I know that if I meet a really great dude, I will have something to offer. I will be a happy and well adjusted individual, with my own interests and I will know what I like about myself and about others. And I will have self confidence that I didn't have before. I also know that if I don't meet a really great dude, I'll be perfectly okay without one. I am not lonely, and I am not bored and I don't need anyone to take care of me.
gLam-shortie gLam-shortie 8 years
ohhh man, i'm with you on that, silji. i also just broke up with my boyfriend of 14 months just last night, and i feel like i'm losing my mind!!! I was the one to break it off with him, but that doesn't mean that i care for him and love him... he just wasn't the right guy for me. Its especially hard i think when you fall in love with the wrong guy... He's a great person, and I'm totally in love with him, but the differences just drove me insane. I'm still recovering from this obviously, and it's so much different fresh out of a long relationship. I used to date around like no other before him but since i've met him, I became a changed woman. I feel like when someone influences you in such a positive way, it's hard to forget about them.
Silje Silje 8 years
I'm really grateful for these posts, as I became single yesterday, and am already thinking about another man and how wonderful a boyfriend he could be. It's not that I'm desperate, but I fall in love really easily, and I guess I'm a compatible person, as they (nearly always) fall in love with me back, and "no matter how" he is, I'll like him and this new lifestyle. I've been in a lot of relationships, because I can't really understand when I'm in love and when it's a crush, always thinking "in love" and then leaving him three months later. I'm from Norway, and there really isn't any dating culture in this country, so I guess I'm lacking experience in this part of getting to know someone? My ex as of yesterday and I were together for nearly two years, so it isn't all flings, but still.. How to stay single, as read in these posts (and I'll try to live by them): Be independent? Be as choosy as you want to about who you date, because that will self-select your partners. Learn what makes you, you and just enjoy your own company. oh, and try to look hot at all times. Hang out with friends and enjoy being single! (copy-pasted from some of the awesome people above me)
candace87 candace87 8 years
People need advice to "deal" with being single.. really? Sorry but.. get over it? Be independent? Don't be so insecure that you need to settle for some loser just so you can say you're in a relationship? Being single isn't the worst thing in the world.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
It depends on the source of the reason why you are single. It ranges from young and never having been in love, or having lost the love of your life to death. There's no easy answer. It's not as cut and dry as just dealing with it. I would guess that if you've never shared a love with someone who you connected with on a level above sex and conversation then that's the approach I'd have to my current single status. But I was married for a decade and unhappy the entire time. So I really looked forward to being single. (as if you can be when you have children; that's another story) I fell in love after that with someone who didn't love me the same and treated me very unkindly, more so than any man I've ever encountered. Being single after that is much more difficult. It depends on the current state of your contentment. Either way, the only control you have over being single, is trying to be content with it or settling for 'a' relationship just to entertain yourself. That's definitely not for me. A benefit to being contently single though is raising the bar so that you don't accept just any person and end up miserably single...again. ;)
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
I love being single too - it's fun. I'd say enjoy and appreciate your platonic friendships and treat them as seriously as you would a romantic relationship. Be as choosy as you want to about who you date, because that will self-select your partners. Don't ignore red flags. If you're having a bad streak, just stop dating and take up a new hobby. (It could be something as simple as cooking a new dish for dinner.) Focus on the person you want to be rather than trying to attract someone else.
lilCROAT03 lilCROAT03 8 years
usually people who think like this are the people who become obsessed with their partner and have no life except their partner/their partner's life, end up suffocating them resulting in their inevitable breakup, leaving us where we started.
lovelie lovelie 8 years
I just don't understand this mentality. Maybe it's because I've had a lot of bad/dull/consuming relationships, that lead to no where but..I LOVE being single. I cherish my independence everyday, being able to make plans according to what I want to do, not having to consult my "other half" if I want to do something with my friends. I intend on staying single as long as I can, or at least until I find someone that doesn't make me cringe when I think of our future together..
vanessasworld vanessasworld 8 years
I like skigurl's advice, just suck it up and deal with it. Because desperation and self-pity is NOT cute. Go out and have fun with your friends (because, like it or not, being in a relationship does change the existing friendships you have), enjoy your time unattached. Learn what makes you, you and just enjoy your own company. Also, I wouldn't recommend being COMPLETELY open & honest with EVERY guy you're interested in either (sorry bbkf!). While it is nice to lay out exactly what you want in a relationship, it's probably best to do so while in an actual relationship. How many guys do you all know who wouldn't run away screaming if a lady were to inform them she wanted to date exclusively and move in together on the 1st or 2nd date? Just have fun with the random dates you have, no need to get all serious discussion mode in the "getting to know you" stages. It's not "wasting your time" if you're having fun and seriously, when did they hand out the time schedules for attaining and being in a serious relationship? Because I was apparently absent that day. Bottom line - being single is not that bad. Don't feel sorry for yourself and don't focus on it. And shopaholichunny is right too, the right one will drop into your life when you least expect. Never fails.
bluestar bluestar 8 years
Enjoy it while you can because you WILL eventually find someone and miss being single a little....or a lot, depending.
356UIK 356UIK 8 years
By best advice, as lame as it may sound, is to commit the words/lyrics to The Gambler by Kenny Rogers to memory, and to recite them to yourself when you are feeling down about it. Its been a good mantra for me ;) Basically, the song is about how the trick to being happy isnt in the cards that you're dealt, but it is in how you play them: every hand of cards is a winning hand or a losing hand depending on how a person plays them.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
i am finding it hard to be nice in this post i don't always love being single per se, but you need to suck it up don't dwell on what you don't have and don't be pathetic live your life, and get into the 21st century. you don't need a man to make you happy. you'll find someone when you least expect it. oh, and try to look hot at all times. it's hard to attract someone when you look fat and slobby.
bbkf bbkf 8 years
My advice is to be completely open an honest with every guy you're interested in. There's just no sense in playing games...if you want to date him, tell him. If you want to move in together, tell him. Guys are usually not the best at taking hints, and there's no use in wasting either of your time. If he's not interested or doens't see the future of your relationship the way you do, it's better to know and be done with it so you can find someone perfect.
Shopaholichunny Shopaholichunny 8 years
Don't dwell on the fact that you're single. Have fun and try to focus on other things like work and hobbies. Hang out with friends and enjoy being single! When you least expect it you will finf "HIM" :) Most important don't settle for someone less than you deserve! It takes time but you will eventually find the right guy.
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