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Physical Distance Is Creating Emotional Distance

Dear Sugar
I have been dating this wonderful guy for a year now. He is everything I could ask for, and we rarely argue. The only kink is that he lives an hour and a half away from me. I really want to go back to school in January, and we had mentioned moving in together in December.

Here's the problem; there are schools in both our areas that I could attend, but I need to register for next semester now. I don't know why I am having such anxiety about bringing up moving in together, but I need to know which school to register in! I am feeling really awkward about bringing this up because I don't want to push him.

Also, I am working opposite shifts as him and can only see him once a week. He is always with his friends when I'm at work, which doesn't bother me, but lately he has been talking a lot to one specific girl, and it's making me feel terrible. I have been snapping at him out of frustration.

I just really hate living so far apart from him and I want to know what the best way to approach moving in together is. I want to be prepared for both possibilities, so if he says that he's not ready, how can I manage a long distance relationship without seeming like a crazy possessive girlfriend?
Live With Me LuLu

To see DEARSUGAR's response

Dear Live With Me LuLu
All you really need to do is ask him to please set aside some special time this week for a talk. Then bring it up in a calm way. Tell him that you would like to move in together in December according to your initial conversation and see what he says.

But I'd encourage you to throw caution to the wind before your talk. Are you sure that you want to move in with him while all of these jealous and insecure feelings are brewing inside of you? According to the 1998 Census report, there are 5.6 million people in the United States who are living together without being formally married.

Most couples will eventually marry, however, those who don't usually find that the break-up would have been significantly less painful if they hadn't lived together.

If you think that you have a real chance at a lasting future together, then yes, go for it. Living together can be a wonderful experience, but if you are having doubts now, then wait. If a breakup occurs, it can still be extremely messy and painful. It's very similar to a divorce.

I am not trying to talk you out of it, all I am saying is beware of red flags. I think it's more important for you to be OK with him hanging out with his friends, and some mystery girl before you sign a lease together. Start with that topic and judging from his answers, see if you can literally live with his lifestyle.

Join The Conversation
SleepyMeg SleepyMeg 10 years
Heres my insite: I've lived with my fiance since 2003 and things are OK. However, now we have a baby, I've dropped out of college to be a stay at home mother and am now living about 5 states away from my family. Would I change some aspects? Probably. What I'm trying to say is that be careful what you wish for. Living together was what I thought I wanted but like DearSugar said, it is a lot harder to leave/break up afterwards. You really need to figure out whether your insecurities are something that can be worked through or if you need some single time. My suggestion is to enroll in the school you want to, and let your man work around you. Sounds selfish I know, but its sometimes the only way to get where you want to in life. Living together is a huge step that people nowadays think is just normal. Good luck
Daisy6264 Daisy6264 10 years
Dearsugar....I was thinking some of the same yout response.
Lakey Lakey 10 years
I hardly consider living one and a half hours away from each other a "long distance relationship." Heck, there are couples who live in New York and it takes then one and a half hours on the subway to get to each other's homes. Anyway, being more supportive, I would tell you to weigh the pros and cons, maybe even write them down, of each option that is in front of you. Then read them back to yourself, talk to your boyfriend and then go with your gut. Hope it all works out for you :)
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
I think you definetly need to look a little more into who this girl is first b4 u try to move in with him. You wouldnt want him bringing her there. Just bring it ALL up casually thats the best way to go causally and honestly.
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