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A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words

Dear Sugar
I think my boyfriend might be gay. We have been dating for four months and before we met, he was happily married for five years. He claims that every relationship he has been in has ended with him getting hurt. The other day I was using his computer while he was at work and came across some pictures that threw me for a loop.

The first picture I saw was a man giving my boyfriend oral sex and I just couldn't bring myself to look at the rest. My boyfriend is very close with all of his guy friends and I once asked him if he was gay in a very joking manner, before I saw the pictures, and he said he had no emotional or physical attraction to men and that he loved me.

I took his word to heart and we moved on. Since I was technically snooping on his computer, I don’t know how to bring up what I found. I need to know the truth but I am having a hard time even being around him, let alone talking to him. I don’t want to be put at risk for getting hurt physically or emotionally but feel that if he has been hiding his sexuality he might need a friend. What should I do? Surprised Sasha

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Surprised Sasha
I am sorry to hear you are going through this, but you are right, you need answers. As shocked as you are right now, pictures don’t lie so it looks like your boyfriend has been deceiving you and maybe even himself. Many men experiment with their sexuality but it sounds as though you have had your doubts for quite some time.

What made you ask him before seeing these pictures if he was gay? Are you in an open relationship? Do you know when that picture was taken? Although you were snooping, you still have every right to get the facts. Hiding one's sexuality can be extremely trying so perhaps in a sense outing him will be beneficial for your boyfriend in the long run.

Try talking to him in a very safe environment with a loving voice as he will most likely feel put on the spot. Being his friend is the best thing you can do, so reassure him you are not angry with him or planning on turning your back. Hopefully he will confide in you and you can get the answers you need. Good luck.

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