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Pillow Talk: Will He Call?

Will he call? It's an age-old question, and one that women who are dating tend to ask and analyze a lot, filled with an anxious and exhilarated mix of hope, worry and excitement. If the phone doesn't ring soon after the date, we can find ourselves wondering if we did something wrong, if we misinterpreted something, if they really liked us at all. And sometimes, these tense questions and their focus keep us from being in touch with how we felt about the date, the conversation, and whether or not we're even that interested in him.

New romance and its possibilities often lead men and women to obsess and fantasize, and this is perfectly natural. In fact, it's a biological response. You're experiencing elevated levels of dopamine and norpenephrine, and lowered levels of serotonin, during the early stages of a romantic encounter. Remember, this means your brain is unusually focused and flooded just now. Try to use this energy for something constructive. As much as we are creatures of nature and biology, we are also creatures of intellect, imagination, and resourcefulness.

Please don't assume you've done something wrong if the phone doesn't ring. And if it keeps not ringing, don't let your default setting be that you're undesirable, unworthy, or uninteresting. Dating is the practice of discovering for yourself who will be a desirable and worthy partner; it should not be experienced as the practice of failure, despair, and self-criticism.

If you've had a great first date and a goodnight kiss, of course you will expect a phone call; you will probably hope and wait for one. But doing nothing else while waiting and hoping for that call is gonna make you a nervous wreck. Keep busy in rewarding ways. Tend to the details in your life that matter to you, too. Challenge yourself to let him be one of the things you think about, not the only thing. Go out with friends and leave your cell phone behind; you know how to have fun, whether he's leaving a message or not. You can hope without waiting and without unraveling.

I'd love to hear some details about positive ways you've handled that waiting period, and ways you've handled it that you'd prefer not to repeat. I've got a long list of both, trust me. It's one of those things my friends and I are always trying to be saner, stronger, and more sensible around, and I mention this topic here in hopes that there really is a way to bring more polish and pride to that inevitable waiting period!

Join The Conversation
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 10 years
I'm waiting for an important call from my guy... but it's not the post 1st date call its just his response to something really important...Gahhhh and last night he said he'd call...
honey31 honey31 10 years
Men can be assholes!SOme men will only call for booty call!
rubialala rubialala 10 years
Bonne's answer is perfect. I hate the games. I'm so glad I'm married and I don't have to deal with that stuff. I never really did, either, we met when we were really young and had never really "dated" before. Whew!
Marci Marci 10 years
Well, now that everyone has cell phones, there's no reason to be waiting around. You can keep on living your life and still get the call! In the beginning, I'm sort of hoping I might get the unexpected call but don't get bothered if it doesn't come. I stick to my usual schedule and way of life. But when things have picked up a little and the calls aren't coming, that's when the knot in the stomach starts kicking in and I always hated that. Keeping busy is the key.
Fancy04 Fancy04 10 years
Bonne has a great it.
Bonne Bonne 10 years
I could care less - if he doesn't call, then that's one last person I have to talk with. Plus, if I really want to talk with him, I know his number...
Lindsb Lindsb 10 years
I hate the waiting around.. I try to take things into my own hands and say, I'll give you a call.. instead of Talk to you soon or Give me a call when you can.. it's all BS. If you want to talk to someone, you'll call them.. But at least if you offer to call - when and where is all up to you.
Ms_Magnificent1 Ms_Magnificent1 10 years
Dating is a byytch...I'm going through dating tribulations right now and its NOT fun lol. Alot of these guys are effin nuts...
ccsugar ccsugar 10 years
Oh. I like the guessing game ;)
BlondeSugar BlondeSugar 10 years
This is why I HATE dating. It's a constant guessing game.
martini-queenie martini-queenie 10 years
Early on in a relationship, I usually don't notice if they don't call. Or I might notice a few weeks later if I haven't heard from them. I guess its because when I'm single and dating I'm not just dating one person!
kendalheart kendalheart 10 years
I really just did things to keep myself busy!! There is no reason to go crazy and over analizing just makes it worse...guys dont put that much thought into girls! If i find myself waiting for a call, I turn it off! That way im not looking every 5 minutes and he has to leave a message!
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