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Proceed With Caution

Dear Sugar
I started dating Tommy right after he got out of a long term relationship. It was good for a while, even though he was still depressed about the other girl. I had been through a similar situation, and so I gave him the space that I thought he needed. After four months of us being together, I was less patient, and felt that I deserved more from him. He reacted badly to me wanting to see him more. So when he went to California for a month, we didn't really talk for a few months after he came back and it broke my heart. Now, we have been seeing each other more, but he only is as close as I'd like to be when he's drunk. Otherwise, we stay distant. Is he scared or is this just going to end badly again? I don't know if I should trust him and I don't want to bring it up because I don't want to push him. What do I do? 2nd Timer Myra

Dear 2nd Timer Myra
When you mean you are only as close as you'd like to be when he is drunk does that mean that he opens up to you more on an emotional level or that you are physically closer (meaning, he kisses you more and whispers sweet nothings into your ear)? If it's the latter - this guy is on rico suave autopilot and you should stay away from him. He's a habitual hook up artist and he's nailed down what women want to hear but probably doesn't mean any of it. If he's more emotional, then you've got something real to work with. Maybe he's just terrified of getting hurt. Why don't you get him drunk and have a talk with him. If you like what you hear, have another talk when he's sober or else - just don't talk to him again! What's he's doing to you is just making you feel insecure. He's creating a mysterious distance from you and what he doesn't realize is that it could backfire if he doesn't stop playing games. Your feelings are real and he's got to treat them with respect. He's not emotionally mature or ready for another serious relationship and I fear you will always be disappointed in him. When you love someone, unwanted distance can seem like the most painful thing in the world. Proceed with caution.

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