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Quip Stop: George Carlin

  • The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  • Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
  • Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
  • Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  • Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
  • Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

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