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Not Ready to Say I Love You

Group Therapy: I'm Not Ready to Say I Love You

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend told me he loves me. And I don't know if I feel the same way. Sometimes I think I do. Other times I don't. Most of all, I just keep wondering WHAT love is, and speculating I might even, though I don't know. But at the same time, I believe when I do love him/someone, I'll just know. Implicitly. No questions or explanation needed. And so I guess I'm waiting for that feeling.

But I find increasingly that I'm more afraid of the promise saying "I love you" holds than the actual meaning. Because I undoubtedly love him on some level. But I'm not sure I'm ready to say it, since it feels like a promise I can't back out of.  I'm in that ridiculous situation where I don't want to move forward, yet I really don't want to lose him. I'm the persona most complained about!! I'm the s.o. that wants to keep dating, but doesn't want to be serious. (To be fair, my bf and I are fairly serious and talk about the future together, but I'm hesitant to make a commitment.) I worry that I might just be a commitment phobe . . .


My boyfriend is obviously waiting for me to say I love you back to him. What should I do?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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strippedlove strippedlove 5 years
strippedlove strippedlove 5 years
I always say..."thing how you would feel if the roles were reversed" ...If your boyfriend said i love you and didn't mean it, it would hurt
JJJSisters JJJSisters 5 years
Say it when you mean it. There's nothing worse than getting "I love you happy" and just feeling expected to love the person or feeling pressured. If he really loves you, he'll wait for you to come around to it
fmminis fmminis 5 years
if you can love a pet without question you should be able love a human without's harder to see a human wagging its tail....
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 5 years
Don't second guess yourself too much, because it sounds like this guy means a lot to you but at the same time, don't say it unless you feel like you mean it. In my most recent relationship, it came out towards the end that my ex hadn't meant it the first time he said it, and that made him hesitant to say it throughout the course of our several years together. It's something you should say often- but only if your heart is in it.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 5 years
I have to follow up on what Raynne said and tell you that it really depends on how long you've been with this guy. A lot of people put this sort of thing in perspective because it's usually one party that is ready while the other isn't. It just makes everything seem uneasy, and raises unecessary questions for others. I definitely know how you feel when you say you aren't ready, though. I had to learn the hard way: teenage love had me saying I lovey ou like it was just a phrase. When he broke my heart, obviously the three words seemed so, broken. It was definitely hard to say again, knowing the risk of starting a new relationship. Give it some time. Practice by letting your boyfriend know that you do indeed love him by saying things like, "Oh, I love it when you do that" or "I love that shirt on you". It's a start, and it still reciprocates how you feel, without the feeling of needing to commit. It's something you could say to girlfriends and family, etc.
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
Only say it if you 100% mean it, and it doesn't sound as if you mean that right now. If he seems to have a problem with that, explain to him that while you care for him, you just aren't sure if you are at that point yet. If he truly loves you, he will find you worth waiting for, especially if it is early into the relationship.
Eighthandbay Eighthandbay 5 years
There is no commitment in saying I love you. Practice saying it everyone you meet.
Eighthandbay Eighthandbay 5 years
Ok, I would start by loving yourself. Once when an old boyfriend of mine told me he loved me my initial response was "wow, I am so happy for you". Because he is capable of loving! That is huge. But it also pits things into perspective. Do I love you? If you feel this person brings out the absute best in you and you love yourself more and more and the love is shared in a mutually fulfilling way then go for it. If not, try and understand what this person needs to teach you and gracefully move on. I applaud you for the evolutionary process!
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