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Reasons to Have Sex With an Ex

In With the Old: 5 Times to Have Sex With an Ex

Sex with an ex is one of those universal no-nos that your mom and hair dresser would probably agree on. "Don't do it!" they'll say, yet so many of us have and do. Maybe it's time to acknowledge the not-entirely-unhealthy reasons for having ex sex. At least then we can justify it!

  1. Baby-Step Breakups: Though I've heard of cold-turkey breakups, I've never met one. Most breakups take weeks or months — even years. I spent more time in breakup mode with one boyfriend than I did in the official relationship. So, yes, people often have sex until something new comes along. It may not be the best coping mechanism, but it's hardly the worst.
  2. To See What You're Not Missing: This is a risky one, as it could easily backfire and make you think you are missing something. But we tend to idealize lost loves, so if absence has built him up, let presence bring him down.
  3. End a Dry Spell: If you've gone so long without sex that you could care less, ex sex can reignite your interest in (or tolerance for) dating. Recommended only if a lot of time has passed.

To see the other reasons,


  1. No Instructions Necessary: It takes a long time to train a guy. This is an extension — or benefit — of dry-spell-ending sex. If you're going to have a one-night stand, why not have it with someone you know and who knows what you want?
  2. Because You Want To: The emphasis on what you should and shouldn't do can be overwhelming and irritating. Yes, there may be emotional consequences, but maybe it's just what you need to get on with your life. Sex with an ex does not have to be either good or bad for you, it can just be sex — and you can decide.

Has ex sex ever worked for you?

Source: Flickr User puss paw

Join The Conversation
daniwani114 daniwani114 7 years
Ive considered and done all of these in one way or another with the same guy and I can say from personal experience that theyre all a terrible idea. Doing these things will only make you feel attached and then make you feel like youre going crazy
totygoliguez totygoliguez 7 years
I agree with Bella. In order to move-on you need to let go. How can you get over someone that you are still having sex with? This just make things more confusing and complicate. And what happened to masturbation? Is a better way to burn steam.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
I guess if both parties are willing... though it's not something I encourage any of my friends to do... isn't he an ex for a reason? Then again, I don't have a lot of break up experience.
Beauty Beauty 7 years
I've never had sex with an ex. For me, when it's over, it's over. Plus, I am mega emo and would probably be all boo-hoo afterward, even if I didn't want to get back together.
Yogaforlife Yogaforlife 7 years
I did have one ex, who regularly was up to the task when I was in between boyfriends....
Yogaforlife Yogaforlife 7 years
Um...I've done it in the past because I was horny and didn't want to have just a random one-night stand with a guy I didn't know. When I was young, I worried about increasing the number of guys I slept with (I did not want to be like my friends who had slept with half the town), so I usually opted to fall back on whichever ex was the most fun in bed.
bluebellknoll bluebellknoll 7 years
Usually I get into the mindset of when it's over it's OVER so no sex with an ex for me!
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 7 years
I am actually proud to say I am fond of the Cold Turkey break ups. I had a slightly long distance (i hour away) boyfriend whom i broke up with, and i told him to not talk to me for six months. He needed time to clean his wounds and heal and talking to me and trying to be friends was not gonna help that at all. a month in he tried calling, and I told him to stop. Then he tried emailing, and i told him to stop. about a year later we met up for coffee and he was greatful, and So i was i. It's really hard to do, but honestly it's the best way. also who ISN'T guilty of number 5? i mean really.
acyl acyl 7 years
Oh yeah, this also reminds me of a quote from Samantha in Sex and the City: "Sex with an ex can be depressing--if it's good you don't have it anymore, if it's bad, well you just had sex with an ex."
acyl acyl 7 years
Glad to hear I'm not the only one in this situation--my "ex" and I aren't quite together, aren't quite broken up. Sometimes I think it makes the sex better 'cause you've had some time apart and we miss eachother!
mix-tape mix-tape 7 years
I still do this. Neither of us have moved on to dating anyone else yet and when that happens it will stop. I think there's no harm in doing it with him if I don't want him back and we have great sexual chemistry.
Venus1 Venus1 7 years
Providing of course that both partners are sober and willing and it will not hurt a third party, we have a right to have sex with who we want when we want. There is no need to justify it with a set of someone else's rules.
snarkypants snarkypants 7 years
guilty of 3 and 5. not good decisions.
Ac2366 Ac2366 7 years
I've never done this before. Yet.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 7 years
Guilty. Sometimes he have to learn the hard way. Im thankful I got out of that bad routine with my ex. It was deadly for me. Now I have been blessed with a good man who actually appreciates me and gives me my place in his life. :)
Briandiesel Briandiesel 7 years
1,3,4,5 - guilty. Just actually broke it off, again, last night. didn't go well.
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