When couples tell me they don't fight, I don't believe them. Or I keep my thoughts to myself knowing that they're still in the honeymoon phase, and it's only a matter of time. Maybe that's me being pessimistic, or maybe that's just me being realistic. Because it's inevitable that you and your SO will make mistakes or that you'll start to notice annoying habits down the road, after all, nobody is perfect. But some things aren't worth arguing over — they're worth breaking up over.
It's important to make the distinction between what's just a slipup but forgivable and what's a dealbreaker. Take a look at these relationship offenses and decide for yourself.
Forgivable: Occasionally having one too many drinks
Dealbreaker: Getting plastered every weekend
I'm not in college anymore, so I don't want to feel like I'm dating a fraternity bro. Sure, drinking one too many drinks will happen on occasion, but making a habit of getting blacked out every weekend is such a turn-off.
Forgivable: Taking control when you want to
Dealbreaker: Being supercontrolling
It can be supersexy when your partner takes control, whether that be in the bedroom or just choosing where to eat for dinner. Sometimes it's nice not having to think for a change. But if they're supercontrolling and want to know what you're up to every single second, that's not a good sign.
Forgivable: Not always in the mood
Dealbreaker: Never in the mood
We get it, we're not always down for sexy time. But if your SO never wants to have sex with you and keeps making up excuses, you should confront them. Having sex is important [1] for your relationship — it brings you closer together and helps keep the flame alive!
Forgivable: Not giving you the compliment you were hoping for
Dealbreaker: Making you feel bad about your body
Sure, it's annoying when your SO doesn't notice your new haircut or forgets to tell you how good you look in your new outfit. But making you feel bad about your body, or any less beautiful than you are, is not acceptable.
Forgivable: Your SO has one crazy uncle
Dealbreaker: You hate the entire family
So you don't like one of their family members; that's not the end of the world. But if you can't stand the entire family and family is superimportant to your SO, this could be a dealbreaker. Think of all the holidays, birthdays, and family events in your future. Either you attend and suffer through it, or you forgo the event and your partner is disappointed.
Forgivable: Forgetting something trivial
Dealbreaker: Constantly disappointing you
Forgetting to pick something up at the grocery store or not remembering your exact takeout order is totally annoying, but not a dealbreaker. However, if your SO forgets the important stuff, like showing up to your special work event or meeting your parents for dinner, that's not OK. You need someone who will be there for you and a partner you can trust to show up when it matters.
Forgivable: Planning lots of nights out
Dealbreaker: Ditching you to hang with their friends
Planning quality time with your friends without your SO is not only important, but pretty much essential for surviving in a long-term relationship. But if they're constantly ditching you to be with their friends, or worse, not wanting you to hang with their friends ever, that's a red flag.
Forgivable: Gets distracted easily
Dealbreaker: Never listens to what you say
Getting distracted easily is one thing, but not caring about what you have to say is a whole different problem. Whoever you're in a relationship with should value your thoughts and concerns.
Forgivable: Checking out other people sometimes — after all, we're human
Dealbreaker: Cheating
If there's a gorgeous woman who walks by, I don't blame him for lingering a little longer. I'm probably right there with him. Cheating is different, and in most people's minds, it's unforgivable.
Forgivable: Experimenting in college
Dealbreaker: Experimentation turning into substance abuse
When experimenting with drugs turns into a full-blown addiction, that's when you need to reevaluate things. Depending on the situation, you might be able to stick with your partner until he or she gets help. But in most instances, your partner needs to seek out help voluntarily and you can't be the one to fix the problem.
Forgivable: Texting you all the time
Dealbreaker: Stalking you to see where you are
So maybe it's annoying when you told your SO you'd be out for the night and they're texting you more than once, but they're probably just worried about your safety or miss you. What's not all right is if your partner is stalking you every moment to see where you've been. That implies they don't trust you and are insecure.
Forgivable: Not taking you seriously in an argument
Dealbreaker: Disrespecting you in an argument
I can see past my boyfriend thinking I'm cute when I'm angry, even if it's superirritating. What I can't get over is someone verbally abusing me in an argument. Let's talk like adults and communicate our feelings with real words, instead of screaming "shut up" over and over.
Forgivable: You're in a relationship rut
Dealbreaker: You’re not happy in the relationship
Whoever you're with should add to your life, not make you unhappy. While relationship ruts are completely normal, if the problem persists and you’re still miserable in the relationship, you might consider breaking up and going your separate ways. It could be a good time to focus on yourself, travel, and meeting new people, or maybe finding another special someone who makes you feel loved. Life is too short to be unhappy.