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Reasons You're Not Married

Why You're Not Married: A Few Ridiculous Explanations

Tracy McMillian is a writer on TV shows like Mad Men and United States of Tara. She's been married three times — to "a very nice MBA," "a very nice minister's son," and "a very nice liar and cheater" — which apparently makes her qualified to offer advice to discontent single women. In a piece titled "Why You're Not Married," Tracy lists six explanations for why you're not even close to rocking a ring on your left finger. She makes a strong effort to shoot straight with single women, but I think she misses the mark a few times. Here are three examples:

  • "You're a bitch" tops the list of reasons you're not married. McMillian writes: "Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry. You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it's scaring men off."

    McMillian thinks we should ditch our passionate opinions and act more like Kim Kardashian, "Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men." I think we can agree that anger terrifies everyone, male or female. So yes, don't be angry if you want a husband or a friend for that matter.

  • "You're a slut" comes in at number three. "Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore — but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop." That's decent advice for women looking for serious commitment. Why waste your time? But her explanation for why you must stop having casual sex doesn't seem right to me: "Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin — it doesn't stay recreational for long." I think women are mature enough to have casual sex without becoming addicted. If you end up being emotionally involved with someone who can't give you the commitment you want, then you should end it, but the sex itself isn't the problem if you ask me.
  • "You're selfish" is reason number five on McMillian's list. She writes: "If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy — or at least a guy with a really, really good job — would solve all your problems." News flash: the woman she's describing isn't married because she doesn't actually want to be married. It's not her top priority, and that's fine.
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