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Regaining Trust

Group Therapy: How Can I Trust Him Again?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Ive been with my boyfriend for two years. We had a rocky start; he lied to me and he completely lost my trust. Two years before that, I dated guys and all they did was use me when I had no idea. I was clueless, and they all broke my heart when I attached feelings to them. And now I have no trust left whatsoever.

My boyfriend now tells me to get over our past because it was a while ago, but I try and I can't. I always am sad and can't seem to trust him or I freak out about little things. Why am I this way? He gets mad, but I was never shady to him, until now. I don't care, but it isn't my fault he's the one who made me this way. What do I do about letting go of my past? I can't seem to find anyway to do it. Now I find reasons to make myself sad, like make him tell me about his past again so I can be mad at him and he hates me when I do that. Please help.

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Join The Conversation
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
First of all, no one "Made you this way". You choose how you react to other peoples' actions. If you can't trust him, let him go. It's not fair to ask him to keep making up for something he did two years ago. Once you're single, go see a therapist who can help you learn to be responsible for your own emotions.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 5 years
You're making this much too difficult for yourself, and your boyfriend isn't helping, I'm in full agreement with those who said you need time on your own. You need to sort out just what it is that you want, and maybe really spend some time being single for a while. I know it won't be easy, but you sound like someone who knows she needs to take care of herself first, which is the best first step you could have come up with. Spend time on yourself, and really focus on you. If the guy comes around, or even a new guy turns your head, you'll know when you're resady.
GTCB GTCB 5 years
I'd like to ask why is he still with you? This relationship sounds completely broken and it's still going on?
bluestar bluestar 5 years
Are you saying that you've been holding on to the stuff at the beginning of the relationship for all two years of it???
jenjen82 jenjen82 5 years
Time to leave. It sounds like you need to work on yourself before being in a relationship. Prince charming could probably come around and you would find a way to sabotage it, subconsciously or not. If you have health insurance I would go to a counselor or someone. You could be depressed or just need some therapy as well.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
Either you have your own troubles you need to work through on your own, or his transgressions are so great you simply can't forgive him. But I don't think your relationship will survive.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Sounds like it's time to leave this relationship and not get into another one for awhile. There's some issues here you need to work out or you'll never have a successful relationship.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
IMO you need to get out of this relationship. The fact that you wrote "i don't care" means you probably are checked out and have already decided that you can't forgive him. You should take some time to be by yourself and figure out how to move forward for yourself.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
I don't think you should be with anybody right now. As hard as that sounds. It doesn't have to be a year maybe just a few months. You seem to be drowinging yourself in your own emotions which is completely unhealthy and honestly drives these guys away. Take some time off to do you.
ALithp ALithp 5 years
First of all - stop reliving the past. It's been done, and what is there to do about it now? Not a thing. So stop it, for your own mental health. You should know someone by their actions. Has he changed? If he has, give the guy a break. Chances are if he's changed for the better, he's not feeling so good about what he did before, and asking him to re-hash the mistakes he made is making him feel like crap. Don't do it - he'll find someone else who will make him feel good about himself. If he's still the same guy he was before, break up with him. There's no need to stay with someone you can't trust. You need to get over your trust issues - no, it's not easy, but it's worth it.
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