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Relationship Protocol: Have You Talked About Marriage?

If a relationship lasts long enough, it's natural for thoughts about the long-term future to arise. And figuring out if you and your significant other are on the same wavelength can help you determine whether or not your relationship should continue.

But while considering the future is common, and often important, there's still something inherently scary and exciting when having a talk about marriage for the first time. That's probably why many people jump right into it and others tend to hold off. So tell me, have you talked about marriage or the possibility of it with your boyfriend yet? And, if so, how long did you wait before bringing it up?


Join The Conversation
Amandaletta Amandaletta 8 years
My darling boyfriend and I haven't really sat down and had the talk but it does come up in conversation a lot. I talk about marriage very casually with people, especially my mother and one day I asked him if it bugged him that I talk about us getting married so much and he said, "No, it doesn't bother me, I know we'll probably get married someday." I was so happy that we both think the same about it...that it'll happen. But he's 20 (going on 21 in 2 months) and I'm 22 so he needs to mature a little bit more before we get married.
krissycake krissycake 8 years
ive been happily dating my guy for a month now and honestly, it was our second date that he said, "i could see us married someday" and though it was kind of weird/nervous-y, it did feel kind of heart-fluttery inside! bear in mind, we met online and emailed everyday for about a week before one month was really like, two...and we know a lot more about each other through talking online than most couples do after maybe a year...
lilCROAT03 lilCROAT03 8 years
my fiancee changed my mind about marriage/sex/relationships when we met. i just to be 'liberal-americanized' as he would say (i live in a total fascist catholic country now). moving back to europe has brought me back to my familial conservative roots. however, having a long engagement can make you really anxious bc it becomes the center of all your fights/fake-ups. so sometimes the idea of us being engaged changes with the ups and downs of our relationship. bum.mer.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 8 years
When I met my boyfriend, I didn't believe in marriage because I was just really hurt and cynical. Then, my feelings completely changed when I fell for him. It must've been about six months into our relationship (After our first big break-up and after he said he was in love with me). I let him know that I really envisioned myself being married one day, and I really loved him, but if he knew he didn't want to ever marry me or didn't think I was someone he would consider a future with, we couldn't be together anymore. He's admitted I'm the only One for him, and I'm his everything, but he doesn't like discussing marriage. He wants to think about marriage after we graduate from undergrad, grad, and he establishes a stable career, so he can financially take care of a family. I can respect that.
ElizabethRae ElizabethRae 8 years
We didn't talk about it all the time, but under pressure (another girl was pressuring her bf so she made a comment to my bf about when he was asking me even though we had only been together for a few months) he made a comment like "I'm never getting married." I quickly told him (when we were alone) that if he was never getting married he was dating the wrong girl. I wasn't going to waste my time on something that had no chance of being what I wanted. I let him know my expectations/desires in the beginning so that neither of us had any illusions. Once we got further into the relationship we talked more in depth. We got engaged after about 2.5 years and had a 6 month engagement. I think being upfront saves heartache as long as you aren't demanding about it.
theflyinghorse theflyinghorse 8 years
We talk a lot about the future and getting married down the line. I love those convos, I think it makes us feels closer, and it makes our connection with eachother that much stronger... if that's even possible :)I fall in love with him more and more everyday.
bluebellknoll bluebellknoll 8 years
When you date in your 30's you kinda don't beat around the bush. I think we talked about our long term goals..which included marriage and our beliefs..probably once we decided to date exclusively. At about 6 months we talked about the possibilities of getting married...and a year later we took the plunge. :)
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 8 years
We have been dating for almost 3 years and I have never brought it up and don't really want to, however i DO wonder if we will get married. I just don't want my asking him to make it sound like I am in some kind of rush or something (because i am NOT)
bengalspice bengalspice 8 years
I have discussed it ... many many many times ... in the past 3 years ... and I've pretty much made a decision that I can't continue talking to him about it because it always results in a fight.
ikimashokie ikimashokie 8 years
hithatsmybike sounds like my boyfriend and I. If he were to ask any time soon, I don't know that I'd say yes, but I definitely wouldn't say no. I'm just not ready for something like that. We've definitely made plans for the future, or talk about when we have a house.. we generally stay away from the "our kids blahblahblah" and "our wedding" He just graduated, and I've got a year to go, I wouldn't seriously consider anything marriage-wise until at least two years out of school. I'm okay with engagements before graduation, but I've had friends who got married just a week out of school. That's a bit too soon if you ask me.
bbkf bbkf 8 years
We talked about it after less than a month of dating. We got engaged after 1 1/2 years of dating (on my 21st birthday), got married 2 years after that, and have been blissfully married for 2 1/2 years.
klreynol klreynol 8 years
My ex and I talked about it a lot - we even picked out a ring! Two months later (on our three year anniversary AND over the phone) he decided he didn't know if he wanted to be with just one person for the rest of his life and he dumped me. Nice guy, huh? My current boyfriend - we've been dating for two years now - and I have talked about getting married, but not until he finishes grad school and we're more financially stable. It's a little frustrating (living together and planning on getting married, but not actually being engaged!) but I'd rather we take our time than rush into anything. We have the rest of our lives to be married! =)
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
Yea we talk about it :) He says he wants to be with me forever. He says I am perfect for him and he doesn't want to loose me! Hopefully that's true! But for me, seeing is where's my ring ;) Hahahe told me he just wants to wait until his life is set up. He wants to make it so that his wifey doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
We've been quite happily discussing marriage/kids/houses since the first few weeks of dating. We're in no rush right now though. He has a reasonably steady job right now and I am going to grad school in September for two years! We have a lot of debt at the moment so it would be pretty silly to start discussing marriage since a wedding can be quite expensive. I think he wants to be settled and at least two years into the relationship before he'll propose. Which is ideal since that's when I graduate. ;p
gemsera gemsera 8 years
My beau and I knew from the first day we met (been talking online for 4 years) we would get married, but we are in no rush in the slighest, i'm not expecting any surprises for at least a year or two, we are only 25/23! We want to build our lives together from the ground up first, and not start out in debt! (we both want a huge wedding). But it was important for me to know where he stood before I moved halfway around the world.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
Hubbie and I discussed marriage after several years of dating. We took our time.
ajennilynrushhh ajennilynrushhh 8 years
My boyfriend and I've talked about it. First time we talked about it was a couple months before our 1 year. He brought it up a lot this year and we'll be together for 4 years in two more months :) But I know we're not getting married anytime soon.
Annie4385 Annie4385 8 years
my new bf brought it up about three weeks in. . .... even after we had the 'no way am i ever getting married especially any time soon' talk on our first date. i'm thinkin its a good sign-- but that's only because i like him. :)
KathleenxCouture KathleenxCouture 8 years
forgot to mention that my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 1/2 years already too hehe
KathleenxCouture KathleenxCouture 8 years
My boyfriend and I have talked about it but we both agree that we want to wait til im out of college and i still have a couple years to go. Being engaged and getting married is serious to us and I only want to go through it once so I want to take things slow but him and I are on the same page :)
runningesq runningesq 8 years
Same with us lawchick! :) When we started dating we knew we would get married ... we were engaged 1 1/2 years later and married 1 1/2 yrs after that (law school = longer engagement).
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
I did with my ex pretty seriously. infact I found out after the fact that he was planning on purposing to me on valentines day. With my current boyfriend we have also talked about, but it wasnt so much "Do you think you and I will get married?" as it was just talking about our beliefs about marraige and divorce.
chicobo chicobo 8 years
It hasn't come up for my boyfriend and I. We've only been dating 10 months. He's been married before and I'm so young; I don't mind just having fun for now.
g1amourpuss g1amourpuss 8 years
I don't like the idea of marriage. I mean, I can appreciate it for those that do. I'm in my second marriage, and while I wouldn't change it for the world.. I just don't like being a 'wife'. My husband wouldn't let up, he asked me 6 times.. and since I do love him with all of my heart I finally said "Yes". We have a daughter together too. She was planned while we were bf/gf.. but I still didn't want to get married as soon as we did right after I had her. I felt so much pressure from his family and him. His mother was like Oh just do it. I didn't like that. I was freaking out on my wedding day. Marriage is a sacred thing though. Since this isn't my first marriage and I have a daughter with my man, I give this marriage way more effort than my first one (-- even though I'm still friends with my exhusband.. my husband is friends with him too). But yeah, right now my name is tied up in all sorts of sh!t.. I have 4-6 alias'/identities because of my name changes ..that doesn't help me love it even more one bit.
Swen Swen 8 years
I'm only 20 and have 4 more years of school ahead of me, so marriage just isn't really an option right now, but my boyfriend has told me a few times that he wants to marry me or he could see it working out, etc. WHich is actually sort of a big deal since when I started dating him he was convinced he never ever wanted to get married.
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