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Relationship Protocol: Nagging

I’ve always disliked the term nagging, I guess because it seems to imply something that only women do to men — just think of any sitcom that revolves around a family. It wasn't until the other day at a friend's house that I realized that's not always the case. I witnessed a simple request from my friend to her husband turn into a repeated demand. It was extremely frustrating to listen to as her plea became more and more urgent each time she asked it.

But clearly, her behavior was brought on by his refusal to meet her request, and thus, he was just as at fault as she was in regards to the nagging. It seems to me that it has nothing to do with women and everything to do with the dynamic in a relationship. But ladies, do you agree? Is nagging a relationship issue or a woman’s problem?


Nagged-Wife Nagged-Wife 8 years
I am a nagged wife. Not the nagger but the naggee. My husband finds fault with almost everything I do. Today I had a banana on the run for breakfast while getting ready for church and he got mad at me because I did not offer or bring him a banana. He gets mad if I am late in getting ready, so I was in a hurry, grabbed the banana with me into the bathroom. I am punished today because of that. Men are NAGGERS TOO. I CAN ATTEST TO IT.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
I think nagging is just such a stupid term, and probably pretty sexist. I really hate how a wife could ask her husband seriously ONCE to take out the garbage and the husband will say, "stop nagging!" Drives me crazy. However, I actually have two or three friends who boss their boyfriends around constantly, and really control like, every aspect of their lives. It's really crazy. If they don't get their way the first time, I'm sure they keep ordering their boyfriends to do something until it happens. I guess that could be what some people refer to as nagging. So maybe it's a little bit of both. Clearly there are some women (and men!) who try to exert a lot of control over their SO's and maybe that IS nagging, but also, the term is overused and can be thrown back at a spouse who really isn't doing anything wrong as a defense mechanism. Thank god this isn't an issue with my fiance and I! :)
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
UGH, both my parents are nags. My dad is worse because he nags about everything from how I dry my hair to the things I like to eat. However, I try not to nag my boyfriend unless he's doing something that's annoying me. I hate to be tickled, and when he won't stop, I'll just keep telling him to like a broken record. I try not to nag about things like...Oh, showering, laundry, and his sleeping habits. I figure, it's none of my business, and as long as I can do it or it's not hurting anyone, I will TRY to get off his back. I never ask my boyfriend to do something for me unless I need him to hold my keys or hold my wallet while I visit the ladies' room. Since we don't live together, we do our chores separately.
bluebird bluebird 9 years
You know, sometimes a simple reminder or request is perceived as nagging. It drives me up a damn wall when I'm only asking for the second time and I get yelled at for nagging. example: me- "Hey, sweetie, did you toss those leftovers? I'm on my way to the kitchen and I'll get rid of them if you haven't gotten to it yet." him- "Do you have to nag at me like that?" No fair!!
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
Sarah_bellum so true on the insanity quote. I never thought about it like that. That really hit me and made me realize that nagging isn't going to work. Thanks! I like the way you put it so well.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
Nagging only occurs when we ask for something and don't get it in return. If they would just do what we asked then we wouldn't have to nag. I'm a horrible nag but my husband has selective memory. Honestly, it's his only flaw, he's so forgetful.
javsmav javsmav 9 years
On one hand, a woman who nags is plain annoying and perpetuating the female stereotype. but on the other hand, how disrespectful is it for a guy not to do something when he's asked (assuming it's reasonable)? I've never had to nag a guy, because one, I'm only making reasonable requests of him and two, he respects me enough to help out. I think if I were ever in a relationship where I "had" to nag, I would seriously reconsider the relationship--am I the one being too demanding or does he not value me and our relationship? To clarify, I'm not saying that if you ask your SO to take out the trash once & he doesn't do it that he doesn't love you, but if there is a history of never following through with things, then I'd begin to wonder.
kittycat8 kittycat8 9 years
That a woman has to resort to "nagging" to be empowered is more of a sad reflection on our sexist society than suggestive of a "women's issue."
heineken67 heineken67 9 years
I don't like to nag, but sometimes I feel like I have no other choice. If asking nicely worked, then there would be no need for nagging. I shouldn't have to wait three or four days for him to get around to doing simple chores like putting dishes away or taking out the trash, but that's what would happen if I didn't pester him about it. I've tried the route of being complimentary or thanking him first, but he says that's patronizing and he doesn't respond well to it. The only thing that works better than nagging is to just do everything myself, but that makes me bitter and grumpy.
jillerin457 jillerin457 9 years
Some women are true nags, but I think in most cases, the problem is with grown men who don't like being asked to do something, or just plain suck at listening. I feel like I spend a lot of time trying not to "nag" my bf to remind him to pay his bills on time, turn in papers for grad school, get his oil changed, etc. He is the baby of his family, and someone has to stay on him, or nothing will get done! But I'm forced to be creative, at the risk of being labeled the dreaded n-word.
MartiniLush MartiniLush 9 years
sarah_bellum, I think you are on to something there. I used to have the "he doesn't listen to me/do what I ask/etc." problem with my husband all the time. One day, it just hit me that what I was doing wasn't working, so I changed what I was doing - I started thanking him for the stuff he had already done BEFORE I made a request. So, for example: before saying "could you take out the trash before bed?", I say "wow, honey, thanks so much for your help cleaning up after dinner - do you think you'll have time to take the trash out before bed?" BINGO, no more "nagging" (if that's what you want to call it)'s like magic! :-)
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 9 years
I agree with Le Luxe. I think that the idea that a man should be at the beck and call of his partner's every request is degrading. There are a lot of women who seem to think it's the way relationships should work, though, and they're the ones who perpetuate these stereotypes. I guess it's a matter of degree and what the particular issue is. Didn't someone once say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
Womans issue. I feel that some women need to exert power and in order to do this, they order their man around thus creating the need for 'nagging'.
emalove emalove 9 years
I'd say a relationship issue.
Shopaholichunny Shopaholichunny 9 years
I do this to my boyfriend because he doesn't listen to me! :p
almost-famous almost-famous 9 years
relationship issue and personal issue. Some people like drama. Nagging can become a big problem when dealing with the wrong person. My father is a nag, but my mother is a nag as well. My mother nags about issues that can help out the relationships such as; financial issues, which is a common problem in relationships. On the flip side, my father nag about every damn thing! OMG!!! lol So in a sense, it's something that the person have to deal with themselves. If it breaks the relationship then that's another story.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
well if a man would act upon the woman's request the first or even second time she asks, there would be no nagging. or how about when he wants something NOW, now thats annoying, very similar to a child going "are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet"
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt 9 years
I dislike the term as well. It gives me this demanding old maid image. Nagging is totally not a women's problem because if our significant other listens, then we wouldn't need to repeat ourselves.
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