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Selfish Lover

"My Boyfriend Is a Selfish Lover"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been seeing this guy for some time now, and we are really good together. We get each other. He's very kind and caring and we match completely. He's now talking marriage and wanting to spend the rest of his life with me and stuff like that . . . but there's just one problem. He's the most selfish person that I have ever seen in bed.

He doesn't try. He only really cares about getting off you know. It's basically all about me paying attention to him. I've tried talking to him about it and it works, but for that one time. Next time we're in bed, he's back to his usual habits. It's not even like he doesn't really know what he's doing type of situation you know? He can be very good when he wants to be, like when we had first started dating. I don't want to break up with him over something like this, I really really love him, but I'm also smart enough to know that sex is very important. What in the world should I do?

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Venus1 Venus1 5 years
Sit down and talk to him and if he won't change the time has come to move on. This is going to become even more important as time goes on. I love giving oral and receiving but I will never give more than someone is prepared to give me and I think you should adopt a similar stance in future.
Padawan-Pri Padawan-Pri 5 years
I've dated a few guys like that and it's... frustrating. I remember dating this super sexy guy who would be so wrapped up in himself and what he was feeling that I felt like he was having sex at me instead of with me. Took me a while to bring it up (politely) and when I did he would also pretend to understand. One day I exploded in anger and that was that. If someone really cares about you emotionally they'll want to pleasure you physically too, especially if you're still in the early years of a relationship. There are plenty of guys who are really into making a woman happy and who in return you'll want to do naughty things to. If you mean going down on you, some guys aren't into it which I understand... but then I'm also not gonna be giving any head to him.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
You've already tried talking to him and he just doesn't get it or doesn't care, it appears. I guarantee this isn't going to be the only area where he is selfish and lazy - whether it's cracked through the surface or not, it's there. I wouldn't hold out much hope that this will change - maybe sit him down and explain how big of a deal this is and give him one last chance, but it's his turn to work for it.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
Perhaps you should show him what you like. Or mention what you like. "I love it when you...." There is really not much you can do then address it. Good luck.
chibros chibros 5 years
Well as you've already known its important thing. I would suggest, for now, don't break up but don't move further either. It's not just selfish but lazy in bed. The only way out is to still have a serious discussion about it with him, not just 'hint and he agree' type of discussion. Let him know what he's doing even if he has already known, tell him how you feel about it too and should do something to fix it permanently, at worst case to a considerable level. If he starts it again, you might consider stop giving him the attention too so he know how it feels like or start practicing "give and receive" concept (which might make him lazy to have sex if he thinks it's a duty). You might as well rethink on the r/ship or marriage with such flaw, how long will you keep reminding him of "his responsibilities"? playing games to receiver your own treasure? ready to be the servant in bed for the rest of your life? or do you plan for future divorce, infidelity plans or unhealthy marriage? People takes that next step (marriage) when they presume everything is perfect or have just little thing to compromise. Are you ready to compromise the big deal for the rest of your life should incase he changes to worst sometime after marriage?
allyjan allyjan 5 years
Also if his not shy or not into it, then you might want to consider leaving, if him not doing much is a big deal for you, you need someone you will satisfy all of your needs in every part of your relationship.
allyjan allyjan 5 years
Not too sure what you mean, as in oral and stuff? All I can say there is if your not returning the favour then fellas tend not to give it back. He might just not be into some stuff or shy, if he does more when you talk to him then it could very well be that his shy. If you are doing more on the other hand and done it since the start he could be thinking why bother, shes already doing everything without been asked. My advice there would be don't give up so easily. Hold back and see if he does more.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
For me, that would be a huge problem. If it is for you, then you need to have a very frank discussion with him about you not wanting to spend the rest of your life with a man who couldn't care less about your sexual satisfaction. For me, that would be a deal breaker, and I would be expecting that same selfishness to showup in other places. Problem have to be addressed. And if he refuses to take this seriously, then you really have to consider whether or not you are willing to live with this. good luck to you
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