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Separation Anxiety

Dear Sugar
I am currently making my list for colleges and when I showed them to my mother, she scratched each and every one of them off. I have always wanted to attend an out of state college and my mom said everyone I chose was too far away.

I have a minor intestinal disease, but it is easily manageable with my medication. My mother feels that if I am too far away, she won't be able to get to me if I need her. None of the colleges close to my home have the major I need, and while I understand my mother's attachment, I feel like she is holding me back from getting the education I have always wanted.

All of the schools that I have chosen are nothing more than a quick train ride away, but she still refuses to let me apply. How can I convince her to let me go farther away and live an independent life at a school of my dreams? Growing Up Grace

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Growing Up Grace
Going away to college is a very exciting time but leaving home for the first time, and experiencing empty nest syndrome is often quite traumatic for a parent. The fear of the unknown could be causing your mom some anxiety.

Have you ever been away from home for a long time? Have you been self-managing your illness or has your mom always managed all aspects of your care? Have a heartfelt discussion with your mother and let her know that although your leaving will be an adjustment, she needs to be fair and let you blossom and grow into an independent woman.

Of course it would be nice to have your mother only a stones throw away, she needs to respect your desire to branch out. Although your relationship is bound to change, reassure her that your love for her won't. Oftentimes mother daughter relationships get even closer once you move away. Have fun and good luck.

Join The Conversation
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 10 years
Of course it's nice to have parental input (especially if they are helping you out on the monetary end of things) but why is it her decision where you go to college? As an adult you will have to be responsible for your health issues, so reassure her that you will be very careful in regards to eating well and staying away from alcohol and anything else that could aggravate your condition. Arranging a plan for visits home and times when she can visit you at campus may also make her feel better. It's your decision ultimately so make it with your career goals in mind.
bfly1133 bfly1133 10 years
When you have the heart to heart with your mom tell her that the schools that are close to her don't offer the education you need. Explain that your intended major isn't offered at the schools that your mom views as acceptable. Point out exactly why the schools on your original list fit your educations goals best. This will show her that you aren't leaving her jus to leave her. Let her know that eventually you are going to need to learn to manage your illness on your own. College is the perfect time to start. This is going to be tough for her and let her know it won't be a piece of cake for you either. Tell her that you know you may get sick or be homesick, but you will get through it with her supoort...on the phone. :)
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