Sex Acts That Are Better in Theory
Have you tried reenacting a hot sex scene from a movie only to find it incredibly awkward and not pleasurable? You're not alone. AskMen shares the top 10 sex acts that are better in theory, but more trouble in reality.
We've had major debates around the office over whether sex in a car is raunchy and exciting, or been-there-done-that-in-high-school. But what we didn't get to discussing were other questionably hot sex acts, like road head, playing with chocolate sauce and sex in the shower. Are these things real-life turn-ons or are they more trouble than they're worth? Here's what we decided is really just hot on paper — but not in real life.
Mirrors enable us to replicate part of the voyeurism of pornography in the bedroom, and in theory, that sounds great, but rather than focusing on how great your partner looks, chances are you'll be thinking about all the many excuses you came up with to skip the gym or indulge in that late-night snack. And that is a very quick way to kill the mood.
Shower sex is surprisingly difficult to pull off. To begin with, most people don't have very large showers, so the easiest positions for penetration are impossible. You both, inevitably, have to stand, which is surprisingly exhausting and un-sexy. And then there's the small matter of you slipping and falling, mid-thrust, and waking up in a hospital with a concussion. Ever seen any statistics on how many people die in showers every year? Proceed with caution. And whatever you do, don't let the water go cold …
For whatever reason, hot tubs scream sex. Maybe it's because in movies they're often the spot where orgies originate. But here's what to expect: uncomfortable hot water that is a breeding ground for bacteria; awkward fumbling to get into position and avoid the jet streams; and a messy, messy aftermath that will have you jumping out of the water faster than a shark sighting.
Another common fantasy, especially for those who have had a professional massage, involves incorporating massage oil. It gives the body a nice sheen, makes everything slick and reduces friction. Sounds great, right? Unfortunately, it also tastes awful, makes you feel as if you've been sweating in a sauna and creates extremely awkward "fapping" sounds every time body parts collide. Oh, and there's a very good chance that you'll accidentally buy a "warming" massage oil, which will feel like liquid lava on your more sensitive parts.
This one is a stereotypical fantasy. There's just something romantic about having sex on the beach, your romp lit only by the stars above. The trouble is sand. Sand gets everywhere. Everywhere! And sand creates friction, and friction ruins sex. Imagine rubbing your penis against sandpaper, and you'll see why this one is better left to the imagination.
For 5 more sex acts that are better in theory, head to AskMen: 10 Sex Acts That Are Better in Theory
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