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Sex With Ex Boyfriend

Group Therapy: Can I Keep Having Sex With My Ex-Boyfriend?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Here is something that I have been wondering for the past couple months: is it possible to have casual sex with an ex or are emotions always involved? The reason why I am contemplating this is because, as you probably already guessed, my ex-boyfriend and I are having sex.

We dated for two years and after we broke up, we had not seen each other for over a year and half. But now, we're talking more often and he insists on us hanging out. The first time we hung out, I was not expecting anything to happen. We wanted to get together to catch up as old friends, but then we had sex later that night. And last night he took me out to dinner and we had sex again.


I have noticed that he's being romantic and flirty, which isn't a bad thing, and he's willing to drive three hours to see me (we go to college in different states). He also always makes an effort to set a date with me when I am home for college break. I mean, obviously I have feelings for him and I know he cares about me. But, the thing I am trying to figure out is if he actually wants to try a relationship again or if he just likes getting laid. So, what do you guys think?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
lickety-split lickety-split 5 years
how is he not your boyfriend?
libby003 libby003 5 years
I think you need to be either in or out. If neither of you want to move on then it's not a problem, but what if you do? You're never going to be able to if you continue to see each other, whether it be sexual or not. I'm a firm believer that when a relationship is over, all contact should be cut off to the greatest extent possible. It makes it so much easier to move on with your life and form new relationships.
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 5 years
Have an honest conversation about it with him. It sounds like he's being pretty attentive, and while it could be purely sexual for the two of you, you both need to figure out where this is going before things get messy.
wolfjinx25 wolfjinx25 5 years
You are playing fire with fire. You guys broke up for a reason and should not be hooking up now. If you couldn't trust him before, how can you trust him now? Are you happy with what's happening now? You need to speak with him about his intentions of this situation to get a real answer. Good luck.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Precedence, This is a disaster waiting to happen. I can think of many reasons why. First of all, is it OK with you if he sleeps with you on a Friday and someone else on a Saturday? And vice versa? If you slept with him on a Friday and you saw him holding hands and kissing another woman at the mall on a Saturday, how would you feel? And vice versa?
Precedence Precedence 5 years
I meant that I do not contact him for a couple weeks. ^^ typo.
Precedence Precedence 5 years
Pax4pax and Joe Tyndall: The reason why my ex and I broke up the first time around was because of a combination of lies and being treated badly. We dated from the end of my sophomore year, which was the end of his senior year, to the middle of my senior year in high school, which was the middle of his sophomore year in college. We broke up for reasons that I really don't feel like getting in to, but as I stated above, it was mostly because of lies and being worn out from how he treated me. I don't want to make myself sound like a victim because I did treat him badly. But I broke off the relationship because it was time for it to end. But anyways, the only reason why I was asking this question is because I am trying to keep myself emotionally detached from him even though I do care about him. But I don't want it to be deeper than that. I especially do not want a long distance relationship with someone that I cannot trust. Even though he knows this, he still seems persistent and interested in a relationship. And it's not like I am leading him on. I mean, I clearly stated that I did not want a relationship; I always make sure that I pay for my own meals when we go out to dinner even though he says that he'll pay for me; and after we have sex, I do contact him for a couple weeks, but he always tries to get in contact with him within a week to two weeks if he does not hear from me. And the only reason why I am acting this way is because I like my independence.
mix-tape mix-tape 5 years
I once did this with an ex after things broke off in a terrible manner. We both clearly still liked each other, but we were young and transitioning from high school to college, wanting to branch out on our own. We continued to have casual sex and stay over at each other's places. One night I decided to leave immediately afterward. If we were going to just be f buddies then I didn't want to get attached. This obviously shocked him at the time. I think deep down I did want to give our relationship a go again, but was protecting myself. Well, after I set the precedent of just leaving things became really detached. I think once you get into the routine of just having sex and nothing else, you are stuck. It sounds like you already feel something more so you should end the sex. You'll just end up getting hurt when he moves on.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
OP, No, it is not possible, emotions are always involved. I guarantee one or both of you will end up becoming emotinally atached to the other person. (It sounds like he may be already strongly emotionally attached to you.) Why did the two of you break up in the first place?
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
Seems like you should not be "ex'es." Why can't you make a relationship? In any regard, sex without commitment cheapens it and meets only the male's physical need and ignores your, the woman's, emotional needs. You're setting yourself up for hurt, if not in this relationship, in future attempts as your lack of valuing the soulful aspect of sex undermines all future relationsips.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
I think it can get nasty in the long run. I think we are alot of us are guilty of that, including me. But that's just being in an open relationship pretty much, so eventually someone will get hurt. It's best to slowly drift away.
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