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Sex Once Every Two Weeks?

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

Sex once a week or every two weeks — is this normal? I feel like my boyfriend has lost interest in me. I've tried to spice it up a bit, but I don't know what else to do! I talk to him, and all he says is that I take the fun out by asking and nagging him about it all the time. So I try not to say anything and then nothing ever happens, or after a week or so he just wants oral. We have some of the best sex I've ever had and I'd be fine having sex daily — I'm so attracted to him! We live together and have for about a year now. Sometimes I wonder if that takes the spice out of it. I try to not just be a roommate though and to still be the girlfriend I was before. He just isn't very affectionate either; maybe that has something to do with it. I find it difficult to try to turn on someone who I can't make out with anytime of the day or touch him without him freaking out. What is his deal?! Do I dare say anything about him going to the doctor for Viagra? He's only 26!

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Her-Shoe-Addiction Her-Shoe-Addiction 7 years
You've got to learn to be creative. Do you have any hobbies? You have to make sure you have interests outside of him. Do you wear lingerie? I hope things get better for you.
ariscari ariscari 7 years
I can really understand where you're coming from... I've got a very loving boyfriend and he works very hard, but I have noticed that our sex life is waning. He is very sweet to me, but we might have sex once a week, and I always initiate it. A few weeks ago, I gave him oral three nights in a row and I was denied sex until a week later. I've asked him if he stopped finding me attractive, and he says he still does, but the sex is still not there. The worst part of it is that I really rely on sex as a mood stabilizer. If I had a bad night at work, all I want to do is come home to some one on one time to put me back in a good mood. So, I feel the pain you're feeling.
Amigone Amigone 7 years
I was in a realtionship like this. He had other problems (health) that he refused to admit and placed the blame on just not having a high sex drive. Unfortuantaly for him I have a very high drive and I need to have sex to feel close to someone. Otherwise they're just my buddy, not my man. In the end we broke up because of it. There was a major trickle down effect in our relationship. I was unsatisfied sexually so I began to lash out about it in other ways. Not the most mature way to handle things I know but all the talking and discussing I tried to do with him wasn't working. He too would freak out when I tried to be affectionate (for example, one day I snuggled onto his lap and tried to kiss him. He pushed me onto the floor. WTF?). I understand that you've been with this guy for a while and this is a new thing. But if he's not willing to talk and work on it then this relationship is probably over.
Sherellj Sherellj 7 years
Your not married right? so thats means your a single woman (thats ALL I have to say)
bubblyw bubblyw 7 years
I agree with sourcherry. This guy is a Class-A jerk, who is mistreating you. I don't think that not-very-often sex is a bad thing for a relationship - but it most definitely IS when it means one person is constantly frustrated, and the other is unwilling to make an effort to keep their partner happy. As your boyfriend, his JOB [why you guys aren't just friends] is keeping you sexually satisfied -- and if you're not, he is failing you. It sounds like you're not really owning what you want: your making it more about his lack of desire than saying "hey, I want this". If his sex drive is lower than yours, that's fine/cool/etc. but it's still his job, and a huge part of your relationship, to make sure BOTH of you are satisfied. If he's not willing to meet your higher sex-drive at least partway, then he's just an asshole. It sounds like he knows this is a problem, and hasn't put forth any effort at all to make the situation better for you. What bothers me most is that after a week, he just wants a blowjob?? That's where the problem of you making it about HIM becomes a problem. If your complaint it "You don't want it enough" he'll think that any kind of wanting on his part is helping/will make you stop "nagging"*. If you change it to "I'm not satisfied sexually, and this is what I need to make that happen", then obviously you going down on him doesn't cut it. [SUCH A JERK MOVE, for this dude to have a low libido, to KNOW that his girlfriend has a high one, and STILL ask for a blowjob when he's horny? Borderline masochism. Withholding, manipulative. Seriously.] Own your desires, make your demands! Draw the line. He gets your companionship/whatever he gets out of this (and also apparently unreciprocated oral), and you should be getting what you want out of this relationship too! If you don't, it's just going to keep building resentment which will eventually blow up, or you'll marry the a-hole and be sexually frustrated the rest of your life. Okay, a little harsh, but if you let him get away with it after a year, imagine what it will be like 20 years in when you NEVER get any, NEVER make an ultimatium, and he NEVER does anything. You deserve satisfaction - maybe from a new boyfriend who CAN satisfy you. If this boyfriend can't, you are certainly entitled to be upset/dump him. If it ends up you two are not sexually compatible at all -- time to start looking again. It can be great sex, but if he withholds it and tortures you with it, it's not a great sex life. After reading the comments from women who are married and in this situation - get out now while it's easier. If it's bothering you now and this is really important to you, it's just going to get worse. You deserve to happy and satisfied, and the longer this stays status quo, the less likely it is to ever change. *there are a lot of dudes who would love to be "nagged" like this. My bf loves when I ask for something - no fun is lost in the process. We started to have this problem, and I nipped it in the bud and things have been great. I wanted it much more often than him, so we made a deal to do it [at least] once during the week and once on the weekend. I could relax more because I knew when I would be getting it and could look forward to it. I stopped stressing and stopped asking constantly, so he could relax and not feel coerced into it. Compromise is possible -- but my boyfriend was actually willing to work with me on this, so I'm not sure if it will work so much with yours.
Orithyia Orithyia 7 years
* Correction: "are ways to handcuff and ravish him". Really, that's the most important part of the comment. :) lol
Orithyia Orithyia 7 years
Interestingly, I was in a relationship for 10 years and I think we only had sex, at most, 10 times. We loved one another, were committed to one another and it was a wonderful, though sexless, relationship. I figured I just don't have too high of a libido or something because I just never wanted sex and would have to be drunk or kind to do anything with my truly darling boyfriend. As it turns out, quite recently, I've met a man that is so attractive to me that all I think about our ways to handcuff and ravish him. This is highly unusual for me because I never wanted to do such things with my boyfriend and NEVER had sexual fantasies about a REAL man. Anyways, moral of the story: your body, your sex drive may be indicating something that your emotions and intellect cannot fully express. His lack of drive sounds suspicious.
sourcherry sourcherry 7 years
I'm probably being too harsh, but he sounds like an ass that doesn't care about you at all. I can understand low libido and getting too comfortable, but that doesn't include: a) "freaking out" anytime you touch him, and b) asking for oral so you stop "nagging". He should stop for a minute and think about how this makes you feel. If he was just stressed or going through a tough phase, he should try to reassure you that he's still attracted to you... Just because he's a guy doesn't mean he has to be a jerk. A lot of guys would consider themselves very lucky to have a girlfriend that still wants to keep the romance alive and an active sex life. If he can't appreciate that, I'd say good ridance! Also, Anon #17 is right about the Viagra thing. It wouldn't help...
Glamgirl1 Glamgirl1 7 years
o and forgot to add to the list..... 6. if he really is just asking for oral then the a-hole doesnt even care about ur sexual needs and is cheating..and feels too guilty to have sex with u cuz he did it with someone else. soooo the truth!....RUN NOW!! before he catches an std.
Glamgirl1 Glamgirl1 7 years
LMFAO...I fell like I wrote that horrible stoy myself up there!! going through the same situation with my boyfriend...that ive been living with for a yr...that is also 26yrs old.... 1. find out if he is still interested in being with u.. 2.then see if maybe he isnt active or even affectionate because he is CHEATING! if he aint getting it from u he is surely getting it from somewhere else.... 3.if not then maybe he is masturbating too much to have any energy left for u (this was my bf problem the 1st time issues came up) 4. "buzzzzzzzzz"! in the meantime find urself a nice multitasking vibrator or dildo to take his (this is my last and final dealing with a sexless relationship that im at now) 5. break up with his ass already.
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 7 years
i'm sad to say that I am the other person in this. I am the one saying nagging brings it down. It does. it's TOTALLY POSSIBLE that he just has a lower sexuality than you do. That's how I am. I love my boyfriend very much, we live together. and I will marry him. I really will. I want to have his babies. He is wonderful. But i just have a really low libido. i don't want to have sex all the time. He has a really high libido and it makes me feel guilty for not having sex because i don't want to. But that's not right. I, and your guys shouldn't feel like that. By nagging and asking all the time and trying so hard you make it less of a fun thing to do and more like a chore that he's trying to put off. Something where he'll just be like "lets get this over with" Don't assume he's cheating. That would be stupid. But you have to understand that it isn't necessarily something you can change. Maybe something has happened to him to make this change, but you need to talk to him. from his side (if he's feeling the same way I do) The nagging really DOES get annoying. It makes me feel really guilty for not having sex all the time, and then that puts me in even LESS of a mood to have sex. At the same time it makes me feel angry. Like i know you love me and all but why is it all you ask for is sex? is that all I am to you? i understand that it hurts you, but it probably hurts him too based on how you said you guys are handling it.
TammyO TammyO 7 years
and I'm married. :(
TammyO TammyO 7 years
*snort* Try sex once every two months.
leslievanhouten leslievanhouten 7 years
I don't agree that sex is a small part of the painting. For me, it's the defining characteristic that separates friendship from relationship. BUT...all that other stuff, if he's supportive, is he a good person, does he treat you respectfully? That dictates if the guy I'm with is someone with whom I want to try to work things out with, or if this is a situation where I need to walk away. If my guy wasn't interested in sex and only wanted oral once a fortnight, I'd try to see if something else is going on...has he gained weight? is he depressed? is work especially stressful? There are likely reasons that have nothing to do with you. If there was no sex, and he was being a dick about it, it might be time to walk away. Life is too short to spend feeling undesired and rejected.
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