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Sex Surrogates?

I've heard of a surrogate mother before but a sex surrogate? Now that's something new. Therapists prescribe sex surrogates to clients seeking help for sex and intimacy issues. Sex therapy can help rape victims, people with severe depression or social anxiety, or those with sex fetishes. Sessions often don't involve intercourse, but rather include other ways of being intimate such as talking, holding hands, or massage in an effort to figure out how to solve the person's issues. For many clients, this type of hands-on therapy is the only kind that works.

Sex surrogacy was huge in the '70s, but understandably got a bad reputation because it was, and still is, regarded as prostitution or adultery. Sex surrogates know how beneficial this type of therapy is though, and they're campaigning for its return — they want it to be seen as a professional and respected healing therapy.

What's your opinion about sex surrogates? Are they just glorified prostitutes, or do you think there's validity to this type of sex therapy?


Join The Conversation
Mo2v8r Mo2v8r 4 years
I have recently started working with a surrogate. My therapist hand picked my surrogate for me. Ironically it was someone in my life that she knew I already trusted that is a body worker and has training as a surrogate. At first, I was very nervous but have become more comfortable with the process. I'm finding it to be very beneficial and healing. I do believe that in order for it to work there has to be good communication between the client, therapist, and surrogate. And there has to be an understanding between the client and surrogate that the purpose is for healing not romance and not "prostitution." My surrogate and I have had several conversations about the difference between the surrogate relationship and a romantic relationship and it has created a deeper level of trust and communication for us. Bottom line is...communication is key.
JanetL JanetL 8 years
Come on people!!! It works... It really does work ! My therapist refered me to a surrogate for eight months and then electively I requested the same surrogate for an additional year more. It was great. Scary in the beginning only because I didn't know what to expect, but the surrogate had a very calming affect on me. He was not aggressive in the least and I imagine since a sex surrogate is trained and certified to work with psychologists etc, they don't grope at you. It's really not at all what I've been reading from most of your posts. I was raped many times by my uncle as a young lady and am so grateful for the surrogate assigned to my case. My life is so fruitful and fulfilling since I've been struggling so long in my past with two failed marriages and too many completely failed love/sexual relationships prior. If anyone of you ladies or men out there have an issue to resolve, I strongly encourage you to seek a sex surrogate partner (ssp). There are hetero male surrogates for hetero female client and hetero female surrogates for hetero male client and then I understand there are also homo for both genders as well. If you can go to the doctor/practitioner for the common cold and are prescribed medicine to be cured, then you should be able go to another kind of doctor/practitioner for sexual issues and be prescribed a sex-surrogate to be cured. Any questiones, please email me. Janet
Ebonypru Ebonypru 8 years
A subject close to my own heart and profession. In think sexual surrogacy is something that is essential for any society. It isn't just the sexually deviant or sexually obsessed that are willing to pay for the intimacy that most of us take for granted. Spare a thought for the disabled men and women who can't compete on looks and suave charm in our looks obsessed society. I'm a professional escort (now, don't all bay for my blood at once). I've been lucky enough to meet others in my profession who recognise the need for disabled men and women to be able to approach sex workers with the confidence that their already fragile ego's would not be bruised any further than they have suffered at the hands of blinkered main stream society The result is a web site with sex workers sensitive to the needs of disabled people who would like the pleasure of intimate contact to relieve the sexual frustration that many of them experience but have no one to share it with. And why should they have any less interest in sex than any able-bodied person? If we had sexual surrogates recognised as a profession here in the UK, then disabled men and women would not have to risk getting ripped off by cold-hearted individuals in an unregulated sex industry.
Symphonee Symphonee 8 years
I don't think it is really that valid. I think it could possibly hurt more than help. Some of the same things that you are doing with the sex surrogate you could do with willing family and friends with the intimacy and without the "sex".
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
I find it weird, sorry.
austerity austerity 8 years
I think this is just giving a new, more respectable name to something that has existed for ages. The need, or demand in people for free, unattached sex just for intimacy's sake has always been there. Not only do prostitutes exist for that reason, but do we see things like 'friends with benefits' and people (namely, men) trying to have unattached relationships in which sex, not commitment, is the most important thing. So anyway, I think sex surrogates will perhaps cater to a need that mankind will always have in a more respectable, approachable way.
Pistil Pistil 8 years
Yeah, I don't know much about it. I know if I were to receive this kind of therapy, I'd probably end up feeling more traumatized! I don't like strangers touching me. I guess it depends on the individual and the needs.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
errr, meant no!
Colleeninator Colleeninator 8 years
I feel the same way about this as I do about other kinds of therapy: It depends on the individual and the way they respond to individual treatment. Some people respond fantastic to counselors and therapy, others actually suffer from it (rarer, but it does happen).
annebreal annebreal 8 years
I really don't know much about it, but for people with severe anxiety or phobias immersion therapy is a popular treatment plan, so I could see why if you were severely traumatized or anxious about sex, a professional leading you through the intimacy process could be a great thing.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Um, hell to the know.
opentypeA opentypeA 8 years
I think you would have to be REALLY careful about finding a good/responsible therapist, as Spectra mentioned. But I don't think it's a very good idea for some people. Sure it might work well for some people, but others might THINK they'll be okay and then come out of it with feelings for the counselor or regrets.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
And by 3-some I don't totally mean just sex, but you know, some people aren't able to just detach from another. Perhaps some patient may end up too attached to their caretakers, in effect causing potential problems for the other partners. Call me crazy, I don't know, but maybe a sort of couples sex therapy~_^. Conduct these sessions utilizing the couples, seeing how they interact, and coach them how maybe what's missing. Yeh, seems weird I know...having a therapist watch you have sex or interact like how you would at home and tell you what to do better...
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
~_^ Curious how they would help. How does it work really. Could pose some problems, since intimacy is for two people, isn't this sort of like, conducting a 3-some in it's own way?
kurniakasih kurniakasih 8 years
Interesting. I wonder if anyone can take up courses, not necessarily for opening their own practice, maybe to help out with their own spouses' intimacy problems in the bedroom.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
If they don't have intercourse I don't see anything wrong with it. If it helps that is all that matters.
greenapples1987 greenapples1987 8 years
Ha! I don't think so! Don't give guys any more excuses!
itsme3683 itsme3683 8 years
I think it could be a good idea. I don't really equate it with prostitution because it seems to be more diagnostic/therapeutic as opposed to physical/carnal.
Spectra Spectra 8 years
I could see it being effective for people who have intimacy issues as well, but only in the hands of a very skilled therapist. Otherwise, it could cause even more problems; like if certain boundaries are crossed or something.
kia kia 8 years
I think it is a good idea if done with someone with proper training and it is part of a therapy program.
margokhal margokhal 8 years
I do remember studying the history of sex surrogates and their resurgence [it's been on the rise for a few years now, it's not a recently new phenomenon]. Personally, I don't think it's a valid or healthy therapy - I would imagine that there is a stronger likelihood of trauma from being intimate/having sex with someone else or jealousy/miscommunication between people in a relationship with the introduction of a sex surrogate. I'd rather therapists stick to either a) using other techniques that don't involve other people to refine sexual technique for singles; or b) stick to sexual therapy techniques with the couple if involved in a relationship. A lot of the techniques they have in the arsenal now are proven to be effective; I just don't see what a sex surrogate would add to that body.
lindssaurussss lindssaurussss 8 years
sounds good. i'd try it. it seems like a good idea for men with intimacy issues.
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