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Should I Attend A Wedding Where My Ex Will Be?

Dear Sugar
I've been invited to a wedding that my ex boyfriend is also invited to. We dated for 3 1/2 years and lived together and recently broke up. It's been very hard on me to move on and even though I am dating again now, my heart's not really in it. I've been told that due to financial constraints, both of us are not invited with dates. The wedding is in September. Do you think that I should go? I know I don't have to make a decision now, I have time but the groom has been my friend since elementary school and I'd like to be there. I would want him at my wedding. He also happens to be my ex's college roommate, so I'm sure he wants to go as well. I've been doing so well not seeing my ex, but my feelings for him were (and still are) so strong, I'm afraid that even in September, if I see him, it's all going to come flooding back and I will fall into a downward spiral again. Should I just avoid the wedding for the sake of me moving on? Torn Talesha

Dear Torn Talesha
I understand your struggle. Go - and be a good friend . . . Or don't go - and take care of yourself? I don't think that you should go. It's one thing to suck it up for them because it's their day, but if you are going to head into depressionville if you go, then you've got to weigh what's more important to you. You've been friends with the groom for so long, that if you tell him that you have a business trip or something else really important has come up 3-4 weeks before, he'll totally understand. Send a nice gift with a very nice card and your regrets. It's really not worth your mental health if you don't even think you can handle it. Hopefully they will still come to your wedding when you get married, and if they don't - they don't. That's a whole new time in your life, you don't even know what frame of mind you'll be as far as weddings by then and you haven't even met Mr. Right yet - so don't worry about it. I guarantee it won't have an impact on your big day or your friendship. Right now what's best for you is staying away from your ex. Just because you say that you are doing better, you aren't fooling anyone because you still have feelings for him. Don't let the groom know that you might not come to his wedding because of your ex boyfriend, but you have another 3 months until you have to make a decision. See how it goes up until that point and if you do go, don't drink a lot and get yourself home as soon after the reception as you can; don't linger. It's only natural to still have feelings for him, it hasn't been long enough.

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