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Should I Be Forgiven For Telling My Friend's Secret?

Sunday Confessional: I Didn't Know Her Pregnancy Was a Secret!

Dear Sugar,

Recently my best friend came to visit me for the weekend. We went out to dinner, I ordered a margarita, and she ordered a Sprite. She always gets a drink when we go out, so I jokingly said, "What are you, pregnant?" She tried not to smile, but she couldn't help it, and I just grabbed her and gave her a huge hug! She said that she was only about a month pregnant and for the rest of the night, we blabbed about baby booties, the nursery, and how she's going to take Mommy and Me Yoga classes.

The next day, I was talking to a mutual friend and said, "You heard the news, right?" Well she hadn't, and I figured our friend would want her to know, so I told her. I didn't think anything of it until my best friend called me to yell at me for blurting out her news. I said I was sorry but she never said not to tell anyone! She went on to say that she wasn't going to tell me until she was three months pregnant, and even though I found out, she just assumed that I knew to keep my mouth shut. She said I had no right to share her good news, and then she hung up on me. Should I be forgiven, or am I really to blame here?


Join The Conversation
pregnancywoman pregnancywoman 9 years
I don’t understand why people hides there Pregnancy. Every woman has to pass through this phase. The care needed to take is the same, there is no point hiding pregnancy.
Nitrobezene Nitrobezene 9 years
How was she supposed to know if he friend abides by the "3 month rule"?
jessy777 jessy777 9 years
I say forgive. I understand why she is upset and that she wanted to be the one to announce the good news but you made an honest slip and wanted to share news you were clearly excited about. However, major life changes or developments I always leave to the person to which the event is happening just in case.
phatE phatE 9 years
cubadog- what religious reasons are you talking about? that's interesting and i haven't heard of that..
phatE phatE 9 years
why is this about forgiveness? of course you should be forgiven! BUT.. that doesn't mean you're not wrong for having said something.. that's her news to tell and at 4 weeks and not out of the woods for having a miscarriage, i could see why she's ticked off. she didn't voluntarily say guess what.. you guessed and she couldn't hold back.. you can't take it back now, but if i were you, i would keep your mouth shut from now on..
thoughtgirl thoughtgirl 9 years
Forgive! I mean it was mistake you just wanted to share the good news. Although next time allow the parent to announce their special bundle
sugarbritches sugarbritches 9 years
Forgive. But you're an idiot for blabbing! Sorry, that's harsh but true. Send her flowers with a card telling her that you realize your mistake and won't repeat it and would she please be so gracious as to forgive you for the mistake you made out of excitement and joy over her condition? I also agree that you should definately call the mutual friend and tell her that you screwed up and would she please keep the news to herself. Don't blame the new mom either! I don't buy that about her not telling you to keep it confidential.
pixelsugar pixelsugar 9 years
I would have done the exact same thing you did. If she didn't specifically tell me to keep it to myself, I would definitely tell a mutual friend. Personally, when something that wonderful and exciting happens to a close friend I get pretty excited too, almost like I'm going to be an auntie or something! She'll get over it eventually.
mnp mnp 9 years
I think it's forgivable. I know, it's not your news to tell but you just wanted to share in the joy. It's ok! I'm sure she'll forgive you. If you were my bff, I would.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
This was not your news to tell. A lot of people wait until 3 months for religious reasons and you are more likely to miscarry during the first trimester. She did not tell you, you guessed that should have been your first clue that she was not ready to tell the world also why was it her responsiblity to tell you that it was a secret you should have asked her if it was OK to tell people. I would be upset too but I would probably get over it and never tell you anything again!
Greggie Greggie 9 years
If she only told you once you guessed, what on earth made you think it was ok to share the news with someone else?? She obviously wasn't planning on even sharing it with you, you just happened to stumble on it. She's absolutely right to be upset. Pregnancy is extremely delicate and personal, and if something were to go wrong, you've now widened the circle of people she has to contact. People shouldn't have to tell friends "Don't tell anyone" when it comes to personal news. Friends should simply have the common decency and respect to know it's not up to them to share. I'm sure she'll forgive you in time. But I personally would have a hard time trusting again, especially with your excuses.
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
I know a lot of people wait the three months because those are the most unstable. Most miscarriages and other health problems occur during those months. Telling your whole family you are pregnant, just to tell them a month later that you lost the baby is the worst feeling in the world!! That is why a lot of people wait. Also, I feel that engagments and pregnancies are two pieces of news the person should tell everyone themselves. If I were pregant, I would be extremly disappointed to say, "Guess what?!" just to have a friend reply, "yeah, you're pregnant, jen already told me." How disappointing to not be able to share that!
1QTPIE 1QTPIE 9 years
You did nothing wrong. If she didn't want you to tell anyone she should've said something.
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
Well, you really shouldn't have taken it upon yourself to tell someone else her news. Especially since you said it was a mutual friend....Did you ever think that maybe she did want her to know, but SHE wanted to tell her? This is definitely forgivable, but next time you should try not to just assume things and blurt out someone elses business. Apologize and give her a little time to cool off about it.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
I think you know you are in the wrong here and are just hoping people will give you an excuse. I mean come on!! She's your best friend and she didn't even tell you, you just found out accidentally. Did you honestly believe other people already knew the news or were you just dying to be the first to put it out there? While it would have been clearer if she had outright said not to tell anyone, the fact that she didn't even tell you should have been a pretty clear indication that they were keeping the news to themselves for now.
Indigo4320 Indigo4320 9 years
Forgiven, for sure. It's an honest mistake. I understand her want to keep it a secret until the 3 month mark, a lot of women prefer it that way. However, she should have told you to keep it to yourself...not just assumed you would. So give her a little time to see she's in the wrong, then call her up and suggest a truce. You said you're "best friends" so this shouldn't be that big of a deal. Good luck.
yoan190 yoan190 9 years
If I were her, I would forgive you. It's also not right to tell other things so private like pregnancy, it would be better when the parents-to-be themselves who spread the news. But anyway, it's not a big deal. Send her a cute thing and tell her how sorry you are.
leeluvfashion leeluvfashion 9 years
Forgive! You were excited for your friend and shared the happiness with someone else. While I can understand her point of view, I do think she over-reacted a bit. She should have warned you that night not to pass the news to anyone else.
PJ-PJ-PJ PJ-PJ-PJ 9 years
So, through out the entire conversation, she assumes you know not to tell? Then, she calls you to complain & hangs up on you? Sorry, your friend sounds like an immature drama queen. If she wanted it kept a secret, she should have told you so. (I completely understand & follow the 3 month rule myself, but I don't expect that everyone else knows it.) And, acting like a 3 year old on the phone doesn't make it any better. But, the next time a friend tells you she's pregnant, I'll bet you will automatically verify if it's a secret or not! :) Don't beat yourself up over this.
vane554 vane554 9 years
This is one of those things you need to learn from. I have had it happen before and my friend was much nicer about it than yours (she knew I was embarrassed) to her and tell her you were sorry. This type f news is normally supposed to be given by the person directly, and you made an honest mistake. Next time better stay mum about it and wait for the person to give you a cue. Better safe than sorry!
mrskrismendoza mrskrismendoza 9 years
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
I'm a mom and I totally understand your friend's position. I'd want to be the one to share the good news (it's really HER news not anyone else's) and want to wait until I was out of the 'red zone.' BUT, I opted Forgive. I hope she'll get over it and when I was pregnant and didn't want to let anyone know yet, I TOLD the person who found out to not tell anyone else. :) Eh, if I were you, just apologize again either with a sweet, cute card or a phone call, if she's not forgiven you yet, then, I guess it's up to you what you want to do. Good luck.
millarci millarci 9 years
Definitely forgive. You didn't know. Don't beat yourself up over it.
Jacinthe Jacinthe 9 years
If it was a secret she should have said so. You did nothing wrong.
Carri Carri 9 years
You screwed up big time. First rule- Assume it's a secret until after the 3 month mark. Second rule- It's not your news to tell, so shut up and let the mom-to-be share it! Obviously, she only told you because you figured it out yourself. You should have known better than to tell someone else.
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