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Should I Get a Prenup?

"To Prenup or Not to Prenup?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm getting married in seven months. Should we sign a prenup? I've spoken to my fiancé about it and he seems pretty uninterested and said "If I want anything I can take it." Here's the weird thing: he's a partner at a law firm and far more successful than I am. He earns far more than I do. I've asked him about five times now over the past few months and asked him to research it, ask his lawyer friends opinions, etc. I told him I'd definitely be open to it. I know that I should also protect my assets, but currently I don't have any. I'm an artist.

Any advice? Should I push this or leave it? Has anyone here signed a prenup?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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poissondujour poissondujour 5 years
Honestly, it depends where you live... talk to a lawyer about what would happen to the division of assets if you two split.  It may favor you, you may live in a state where pre-nups aren't given as much weight, etc.
GZO GZO 5 years
I would not judge this as "sad". As much love and trust as you can give or have in another person, there's never any way to be 100% positive. I don't think getting a prenup is saying "well, we're going to divorce eventually so let's take care of things now". I think it just is something good to have if unexpected matters come up. You can never control the thoughts or actions of another person, so there's no guarantee that a marriage can be "forever". I say go for it. And I agree with everything GTCB said. If you don't need it, then that's wonderful. If you do need it, then you have it. And definitely use an outside party. 
BiWife BiWife 5 years
Signing a prenup, imho, is an expectation that things will go wrong and you will end up divorcing. If you're going into a marriage with that mentality, then whenever you run into problems you're going to be more likely to cut ties and run rather than work things out. My husband and I considered drawing one up that would cover our polygamous considerations, but we ended up making it just a verbal pact between the two of us. Should we "marry" another person, we'd have to draw up some sort of legal document in order to give that other person rights and responsibilities they wouldn't otherwise have in our country's legal framework. The only time I can see a monogamous prenup being necessary is if you're getting married under a legal framework that would make you the property of your husband. The purpose of the prenup then is more for the husband to show that legally he respects his wife as an equal human being rather than his property. Otherwise, it just seems like people trying to protect money over love/commitment.
steph1234 steph1234 5 years
If you feel you have to have a prenup, then why even get married? You're going into this with the back door wide open. Sad, if you ask me.
GTCB GTCB 5 years
I have a couple of comments.  First, if things sour in your relationship and you head for divorce, who is going to be in the stronger position?  You, or him?  I hear he's a law firm partner and that you're an artist.  If for no other reason than protecting yourself it is highly recommended.  If you never need it, great.  But if you do need it and you don't have it you're probably going to be screwed royally.   Keep in mind that you should be going to another lawyer (NOT your husband or someone else at his company) to get this set up.  If you do feel strongly about this that is the correct course of action and he'll have to decide how to respond.  But the longer this drags out the closer you'll get to The Big Day and the more awkward things will be.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 5 years
You don't explain your motivation. What do you want to protect? Marrying a lawyer who says unconcerned about a pre-nup because he'll take what he wants is the unwritten letter to Team Group Therapy imho. Sounds like you're marrying someone no one should marry.
Aquadave Aquadave 5 years
Talk to another lawyer, it might be to your benefit not to have one. Only the person with property has something to lose, but in most states what you have before the marriage you keep, during the marriage any property/money obtained is both of yours. No matter who's name is on it.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
A prenup is a contract. It's not a bad idea, to be prepared for whatever happens. If it makes you feel more secure then why not. The problem I see is that your boyfriend is ignoring you. I personaly wouldn't marry someone who dismissed something that seemed important to's not a good indicator of what will come in the marriage. Personaly, I think his ignoring you is a huge red flag, and his comment, "if I want anything, I'll take it"...would send me straight back to single land.
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