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Should I Have an Abortion?

Group Therapy: Should I Have an Abortion?

This question is from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I just found out that I am pregnant! About 7 weeks! I was in a relationship with my long term bf, and we were planning on getting married. We broke up 3 weeks ago. And I guess the stress from that made me completely forget about a period. We have talked about it many times since I found out 2 days ago. And we are thinking about abortion. We realize that we were not a good team and having a baby is BIG! But so is abortion! And I don't know if I could live with knowing what I have done. But I have 7 years left of college and he has 6. So thinking of it that way, this stands in the way of my goals. So I'm leaning toward it. But I think that it's just selfish. Not to mention he is strongly pushing for abortion!

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Skeptic52 Skeptic52 6 years
*adoptive parents, I mean...not birthparents
Skeptic52 Skeptic52 6 years
My parents didn't want me. No one ever adopted me, so I never ended up with actual parents. So, I have a harsher outlook on the issue. There are technically a lot of kids who never get adopted. There are a lot of kids who adoptive parents will fight for, but there are a lot of kids who never even get considered. Therefore, if you are thinking of adopting your kid out, please look into finding birthparents yourself. A lot of times, kids get left behind and never find a home.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 6 years
Raynne I'm glad you responded to that comment #42. I'll never understand how someone can owe their entire existence to adoption and speak out against it.
Raynne413 Raynne413 6 years
Oh, Greg, I wasn't referring to your post at all! I was referring the post above mine. And while it is the exception, it shows that it isn't impossible for it to happen. And I would truly hope that any adopted child would stop to think of the emotional pain and distress involved in giving a baby up for adoption. That alone shows how much they were truly loved. . . that the birth parent did what was best for the child, or what they viewed as being the best, regardless of their own pain.
GregS GregS 6 years
That right there is what I mean when I say "I have quite a lot of respect" for some of you. I KNOW that decision was hard to make Raynne. You being able to find a family that needed him and wanted to provide for him is quite a display to me. That they and you were able to share in his growing up is remarkable. You do have to admit, however, that your situation is the exception rather than the rule.
Raynne413 Raynne413 6 years
I resent your post, Slim. I did NOT give my baby up for adoption because I didn't want him. If I had had an abortion, THAT would have been because I "didn't want him". I gave birth to my baby and found him a good home because NOTHING matters more to me than he does. My own emotional upheaval and pain is nothing to the love I feel for him. My child knows who I am (as much as he can understand). He sees me multiple times a year and has since the day of his birth. He has tons of pictures of us together, and he has everything I would have been unable to provide for him. And that is what matters to me. He has a VERY large extended family, since they also include my family in with our visits if they want to come along. I certainly hope that as he grows up, he doesn't have your hurtful attitude. It was painful enough to go through everything I went through without my child hating me for it. But you know what? Even if he DOES resent me for it, at least I'll know that he had a good home and grew up well.
Lenay Lenay 6 years
You didn't say anything that sounded like you're in any way ready for or actually want to be a mother right now. The child would always remind you of the marriage that never happened. Plus, you'd be forever connected to your ex--- but not in a good way. He would always resent you for having this child against his wishes. He doesn't want to become a parent now either; and forced parenthood isn't good for anyone. Especially the child. Finish your eduaction and let your ex finish his and go your separate ways. Abortion is difficult, but it's better than ruining three lives.
GregS GregS 6 years
There are a few of you that I have quite a bit of respect for, and I find it interesting that you fall on different sides of the issue. Which goes to prove the point that was made here fairly frequently. It's wholly your choice. There are pros and cons of each of them, and only YOU know them, and only YOU will live with the consequences of your decision. Being a man, I will not tell you what you should do, or what I think you should do. Things to consider: This is a difficult and emotional time. This is not a good time to make these kinds of decisions, but you're in the arena. Try to separate yourself from your situation and see if you can objectively determine whether you can emotionally withstand whichever decision you'll make. Consider that to bear the fetus to term has an emotional investment on your part in the resulting child. Can you give that child up (adoption) after carrying the fetus 9 months? Can you economically, emotionally raise the child (keep), complete the years of college which will be strung out now because of your parental commitments for the ensuing 18 years? Consider that to abort now would be the loss of a potential person and that you'll never know what s/he could have been or what that would have meant to you emotionally. Every single one of these issues is an emotional land mine. You really won't know until you act on your decision what you will feel. You could end up like Betty and have a wonderful daughter, still go to work and take classes, too. She's a very strong person to be able to do that. Could you? Or would you be more like lanwa and feel trapped by your decision? You could give your child up for adoption like Raynne did, but what has she missed out on, and how much better is the life of her biological child? That's a terribly gutsy move on her part. This is a wildly emotional and personal decision. This is not a decision that can be made by law. This is a personal decision that has far reaching implications on you first and foremost. No matter the decision, it's wholly yours.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 6 years
If you don't want to remain pregnant, getting an abortion is legal and the choice is up to you. It is your body and your future. Just please do better in the future with your birth control. I believe it is our responsibility as potential mothers to ensure we don't get pregnant accidentally.
aleiasmommy aleiasmommy 6 years
abortion stops a beating heart. please, please consider adoption if you dont want to keep this baby. there are so many people out there who would do anything for a child and cant have them..... and, im not gonna lie, in a situation like this, i think abortion is extremely selfish. why is your life so much more important than the tiny life you are carrying inside you?
monicaaimee monicaaimee 6 years
Lanwa, is that you in the picture? if you are that pretty, how cant you get a man? I don't understand... (that is if its you in the picture...)
monicaaimee monicaaimee 6 years
Ok, so many comments... I can't tell you what to do is what everyone says... hopefully it is not too late and you can still read this... the same thing happened to me 13 years ago... I was going to be a doctor and got pregnant... he asked me to have an abortion for 4 and a half months!!! I could not have done it. No way! I could not live with it. And it is true, even women that were sure when they did it, regret it forever and ever afterwards. There are ways out of your problem but you gotta compromise... and to the woman that said her life was miserable for the last 10 years and hasnt been touched by a man... I feel bad for her but this does not happen often, this is rather unusual and it probably has to do with the way that she comes across or behaves or thinks of herself. I got a boyfriend when i was pregnant still!!!! here are my ideas and how I survived... 1- try talking to your mom... maybe you can go to college near where your parents live... 2- yes, the government will pay for your medical bills if you are poor, they paid for mine 3- they can help you with child care costs if you go back to school 4- you can get a student loan 5- you can take one year off college, not the end of the world if you graduate one year later 6- you can work part time and go to school part time for a while 7- you can talk to his parents see if you get any support In my case, I did it all back to front... got pregnant then met the man I later married and though I never finished college because I started my own business that pays me a great income and I only have to work 15 hours a week, it was hard for the first 4 years... but I got help from the goverment and only took assistance to get back on my feet. My child was my lucky star, it was what pushed me to better myself, to give him a better life... I left Los Angeles when he was a baby and have been living in Europe for the last 11 years. Eventually I married and had another child. My baby was the best mistake I ever made... it is not the end of the world girl... millions of women do it every day... You will get to love him/her like you never knew love before... if this dont help... give it away for adoption... hey... give it away to me... I would adopt him/her... but if you are not sure to have an abortion... don't do it... and one thing I need to say is that abortion is not contraception... once we decide to lay down and do the dirty... we are playing russian rulette... good luck. Please post a response to see what you did in the end...
lanwa lanwa 6 years
I had a child young.I didn't have a support system in place abut decided to keep the child.I have no life. I haven't,dated, been touched or kissed by a man in 10 years. I have no life other than working to provide. The dad wasn't interested and I have no money to pursue him in court. The real kicker is I never get to do anything besides work several crappy jobs and pay bills.I had dreams once, now, I am just the ATM for my child's existence.Most days I wish we were dead- I wasted my potential, and ruined my child's life. I can't be there most of the time with him(since I'm always working), and I am so sick of always living poor, so I'm not any example for him to be a healthy person. Motherhood is like swimming with an car tied to your ankle 1000 yards from shore...so enjoy.
AjjR AjjR 6 years
as a social psychologist.... Its NOT the norm, or even close to it, by a long shot... that adoption causes any psychological problems on the children. If it did...there would be a WHOLE lot more screwed up people than there are. Thats not true and youre spreading misinformation to a scared girl who is asking for help from peers. Knock it off. I forgot to write earlier... Honey, I beseech you to look at in a way that you can rationalize it safely in your head. I know that you dont have much "time", but you CAN live with that decision either way. Maybe he should have some say, but he doesnt. You do what you need to do to be ok with your self. Dont look back. Find someone to talk to who is non biased. Be brave. And remember, bravery isnt roaring in the face of fear.... sometimes its going to bed and just waking up and trying again the next day. Just keep greeting the morning....and any decision is the right one for YOU. ajjr
AjjR AjjR 6 years
think it through. your life will be different, but a child doesnt mean you cannot finish school. It means that you have another purpose to succeed besides yourself. Its a huge fork in the road...I dont think if your honest with your head and heart that you'll make the wrong decision. either way life will be different. My best white light and energy to you. I had the same exact situation. My decision lead me in a different direction then I thought it would. Maybe....I dont know....can't go back and compare...
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 6 years
And I don't judge anyone who does abort! "Love the sinner, hate the sin" is the best way to sum up my viewpoint, though 'sin' isn't quite the right word, since I'm nonreligious. It's just the easiest way to explain it.
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