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Should I Move For School and Boyfriend?

"Should I Move Across the World For School and My Boyfriend?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've come to a fork in the road in my life; I have the opportunity to start studying halfway across the world or stay at the small university I'm currently at and I need to decide soon. I've been thinking about this for a couple months, but I still haven't been able to make up my mind. I'm drawn to the city by three main things:

  1. The city itself-I've only been there for a weekend, but it was one of the happiest weekends of my life... something just really clicks.
  2. My long-term boyfriend who will be living there.
  3. Personal growth, independence and a respectable university education.

My boyfriend of two and a half years grew up in a foreign country. He recently got an offer to work at Google in the same country, and he will be moving back there in the next few months. He is the sweetest, most wonderful companion I have ever had. I'm not exaggerating at all-he has an incredibly gentle heart, we have logical discussions instead of angry arguments, and we work together to support each other and grow in so many ways.


At home I have a very big family that is constantly expanding, and I love them all very much! However, some of my siblings seem to have something against my boyfriend. Whenever I ask them if something's wrong, I never seem to get a straight answer. Could it be that they are mad about him possibly taking me far away? I at least know that my dad trusts and respects him.

So, herein lies my problem: I want to move to the same country to attend the university and be with my boyfriend, but this is a huge life decision! Is it the right thing to do? Am I wrong to leave my entire family behind? Although I do have the financial freedom to live halfway across the world if I want to, I find myself feeling guilty at the prospect of leaving. On one hand, I can live somewhere completely new, exciting, and challenging with the love of my life, but have to deal with very jealous siblings and miss my family back home. On the other hand, I can take it easy and continue studying at my small university in a town that I want to escape, and have family and friends fairly close, but probably end my relationship. What should I do?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
MELayesen MELayesen 5 years
At some point in your life, you'll have to leave your small town and family to start your own life. Whether that's in another country or another state, it will just happen. You said that you are financially independent, and you seem to be very excited to move to a new country. I say you go. You won't have very many chances like this in your lifetime, so why not take it now while you can? You don't have children to consider; you only have yourself. It's not like you'll never be able to visit or keep in touch with your family and friends. Now's the right time to take a risk! Even if things don't work out, you'll still be able to say that you took a risk and wouldn't ever have to say, "What if?"
la-nouvelle-vague la-nouvelle-vague 5 years
In terms of your education, it sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity that you really want to (and, in my opinion, should) take advantage of. Yeah you'll be homesick for the first month or so, but you'll grow out of it when you see all the opportunity that lay ahead of you in this new city. Your parents would want you to be happy and your siblings will eventually leave their jealousy behind when they see how happy you are. It's always so much easier to choose to stay where we are and "take it easy" -- it's always easier to lead the comfortable life we've carved for ourselves than to challenge ourselves and take chances and explore new horizons. Don't be afraid to take that risk, to make that leap and push your limits. You never want to look back at your life years from now and say "if only..."
bluebellknoll bluebellknoll 5 years
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
Go! Look at it this way, yes it will be hard to leave your family for school, but in the end, it's school. It's a couple years. If the country and the boyfriend and the experience isn't what you want, your family will be still be there. Your family can't begrudge you going off to university to learn and grow. Make the move about your own growth, not about following your boyfriend. He's just a happy bonus :) And good luck, what an amazing opportunity you have!
curLRocker curLRocker 5 years
I say - go! I know first-hand how beneficial it is to be able to live on your own in a foreign country. You learn so much about yourself and others, and it's just an all-around fantastic growing experience. I also come from a large family, and happen to be the oldest sibling, so I know how hard that can be. Considering you have doubts about your family's feelings toward your boyfriend, try to get them to talk to you. Sit them down and tell that that you are seriously considering moving and that you want and need to hear their honest opinions before you go. However, I do see it as a big plus that your father approves of him. It may sound slightly old fashioned, but a caring father would never let a daughter make such a huge decision if he thought it were a mistake. Also, technology is so developed nowadays that you don't even have to worry about staying in touch with your friends and family - you just need to make the effort and have stable internet connection! Think this through, and please speak to the family members you're worried about. It will make your life so much easier! I wish you happy travels and the best of luck!
bluejay17 bluejay17 5 years
GO. You'll regret it later if you don't.
abigaila0715 abigaila0715 5 years
GO GO GO GO GO!! This sounds like an amazing opportunity. I understand that your family loves you, but they need to let you go and have a good time. Just make sure your prepared if something may happen with the guy. Make sure your not doing this 100% for the guy. I know he's obviously a huge factor in your decision, but just make sure this is something you will be okay with as well. Other than that, good luck! This sounds amazing and you'll have you man by your side. Your family will always love you no matter what.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
Good advice, here. Hope you'll consider letting everyone know your decision, GuitarGal. It's always fun to know if someone is choosing the adventure :)
GuitarGal GuitarGal 5 years
Thanks to all of you! I really appreciate the input :)
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
Go and have fun. Follow your heart on this one. Take care!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
The siblings will get over their jealousy. If you let their feelings stop you from doing this, I hate to think about all the other future opportunities you'll miss out on due to the same thing. People who care about you, deep down, don't want you to hold yourself back for them. They might not realize it now. But if you bow to their wishes on this, years down the road they'll feel awful for having gotten their way--because they got in the way of your happiness. One quick thing about the 'love of your life' aspect of this. Only make this move if you are sure it is in your benefit to do so for reasons other than the guy. Have a plan for what you'll do if the relationship doesn't work out...where you would live etc. As long as you cover your bases like that, then GO GO GO! Have fun!
Pazuzu Pazuzu 5 years
It sounds like you really want to go but are scared of what your family will think. If you'll get a better education they should be understanding, your family wants what's best for you. Go for it! Experience something knew, be independent, have fun! Call your family often, visit if you can. Live your life and enjoy it.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
You Only Live Once. Go for it. Just remember your family back hope often and call them and when you have the chance pay them a visit. You will have to grow up eventually. Have fun!
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