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Should I Start Over?

Dear Sugar--

I've been with my boyfriend for over five years. I am 29 and he is 30. Everything is great about the relationship -- he adores me, I adore him, he's understanding, we communicate well, blah blah blah. The problem is, I feel like I'm still dating in my early 20s. He isn't ready to take the relationship to the next level, aka marriage. While he reassures me I am the one for him, and that it will happen eventually, I am starting to lose my patience.

His excuse is that he is not financially stable to be in a marriage yet, which I can respect, but he isn't giving me any time line here. So should I wait around for him to become financially ready or should I just look else where? If I look else where, it will still take a good few years for the relationship to get to the level where marriage is in the question, not to mention the possibility that I may not find another good guy who I want to be with. I feel stuck here! --Ready for the Ring Rachel

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Ready for the Ring Rachel--

Building a relationship and starting a life together isn't a sprint, it's more of a marathon, and so my first bit of advice for you is to slow down. I understand you are ready to walk down the aisle, but you must be on the same page as your mate or else your relationship is bound to suffer.

Your boyfriend sounds very responsible when he says he isn't financially stable to get married yet. Job insecurity is never a good feeling, especially for a man, so I think you need to be a little more understanding of his financial situation. I am sure he wants to be able to provide for his wife and have an established career path before he melds his life with yours.

Is there a specific reason you are in such a rush to get married? I can understand why your antsy, 5 years is a long time to be together, but if you love this man, your answer should be a simple yes -- yes, you wait for him to be ready to take the next step. But, if you are strictly looking to be married, then by all means go out there and find yourself a husband! A lot of women struggle to be in a relationship likes yours, where you share mutual love and respect for each other so while you might not have the ring yet, you have a boyfriend that loves you. Take a few steps back and have faith that holding out a little longer will pay off in the end. Good luck.


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