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Should I Tell Him About My Ex?

Why Swapping Ex Stories Might Actually Benefit Your Relationship

Talking about your ex with a new guy may feel like the ultimate don't, but sharing some insights into your past relationships might actually be a good thing. And although you definitely don't want to hear all the nitty-gritty details of each other's past relationships, learning about those connections — and fallouts — could bring you closer together. Before you agree on a no-ex-talk ultimatum, take a look at these surprising benefits of opening up.

  • You can better understand each other's relationship habits. Regularly find yourself annoyed whenever he gets jealous, defensive, or overly protective? If you learn some of the pitfalls of each other's past relationships, it'll help you both understand where the other's coming from, and as silly as it sounds, you can find comfort in the fact that it's not you — it's the exes.
  • You open the doors to other kinds of communication. Honest, open dialogue in one area of your relationship could trigger a domino effect, leading to more candid conversations altogether. Once you've relayed the ins and outs of your previous heartbreaks, you'll have broken down a barrier in your relationship. From there, you may feel more comfortable talking about sex, insecurities, or other topics that made you nervous in the past.
  • You learn where each other's insecurities lie. Knowing what didn't work for each other in the past can help you avoid those hot-button topics or issues. If, for instance, he ended things with his ex because she became too dependent, you can make a genuine effort to build up your own independent lifestyle.

The bottom line: Opening up about your past relationships doesn't have to mean opening up a can of worms. If you stick to an honest, considerate line of communication, ex talk can actually bring you closer together.

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