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Should I Wait to Have Sex?

"Am I Overthinking the Physical Part?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm a freshman in college and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 4 months. I am a Catholic and believe in waiting for marriage for sex. This is not completely because of what the bible says. I decided it after I started dating Trent because of how much I love him. He's my first kiss, first love, first boyfriend. And I feel like we met at an appropriate time in our lives. We've sorta grown up together. After being with him what we have is so good and special I can't imagine anything better. So in case there is someone else out there for me I want to be able to say I waited for you. Because if he isn't the one and there's someone else then I can't even imagine how special that love will be because what we have right now is so special.

We've done everything but sex and I feel bad about it. I don't want to be a hypocrite. There's so many rules as a catholic when it comes to things like that. I always have god in my mind but I feel like since I do some sexual things I worry it may mean that I don't have a special relationship or that it isn't the right relationship because it isn't following what the bible says about sexual things.


The only reason I worry is cause I love him so much I want the best for him. I want to do things right. Any advice?

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xxinfinitepleasurexy xxinfinitepleasurexy 5 years
You're waiting to have sex for ALL THE WRONG REASONS. " The gift that you give to your spouse should you chose to marry (assuming you’re allowed to) is your love and partnership. The longer young women are taught to think of their sexuality as “gifts” - something that’s separate from them that’s to be given away or lost or opened or whatever the latest terminology is - the longer we’re going to be seen as less than full human beings." Jessica Valenti, from her book The Purity Myth. Please read some of it and you will change your mind.
sagagirl sagagirl 5 years
I am not sure what you mean by "I do some sexual things." If that means oral sex, or even more then, I think you are only kidding yourself. Don't let that Catholic guilt prohibit you from enjoying what I believe is a gift, sexual pleasure with some one you connect deeply with. A Recovering Catholic
steph1234 steph1234 5 years
Honestly, this site is the last place you should be asking for advice regarding anything about your beliefs to stay pure, etc. If you want some loving and biblical advice then go to Focus on the Family. I think it's awesome that you've decided to hold off on intercourse until your married. After nearly 10 years of marriage I do not regret that decision 1 bit! Good luck :)
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 5 years
Wow, lots of opinions going on here! I believe that sex is a very personal thing, and nothing- not the Bible, not your boyfriend, not strangers on an internet forum- should tell you what is "right" or "wrong." It's hard to be a "good" Catholic and follow all the rules, because you're right, there are a lot of them! It sounds like you're in a very committed relationship with love and respect, and from my own experience, people don't usually regret physical stuff in that context. Do what you're comfortable with and feel good about, whether it's just kissing or goes as far as actual sex. Don't let other people make you feel guilty about your own decisions!
henna-red henna-red 5 years
No not most. The christian denominations have more rules than most, and lots of differences between the very different denominations. Islam and Judism both accept divorce. Hindus and Buddhists, (as religions) have no concept of divorce. A lot of rules around divorce are actually cultural, rather than religious, and many change with the times, evolve. Also, although many christian sects have negative conotations of divorce, the stats among christians who divorce are the same as nonchrisians, and the Bara group actually has found that atheists/agnostics have a slightly lower rate than the religious groupings. There are so many people within very traditional communities of faith who are having issues with the "rules" not changing with the cultural times. Some choose to follow the rules, although unwillingly, some remain within their community and work to change the rules, some leave for a community more in tune with their personal beliefs. The real issue is to know what your personal beliefs are, and if you are committed to following the rules of your faith, then you need to know what those "rules" are.
Pazuzu Pazuzu 5 years
I also thought divorce was against most religious beliefs. So they might still be married but very unhappy, it doesn't mean a religious couples marraige is better than anyone else's.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
Divorce among christians is not lower than non christians. he numbers just don't support that! It's a myth. good info.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
The Bible is clear regarding sex outside of marriage and you can't lose in the long run by following all of the Ten Commandments. Divorce among people who are serious about their Christianity is way lower than among the general population and the general Christian population because commitment to -- knowing and acknowledging that there is a power greater than you to which you should submit is empowering as it humbles you (first four); honoring your parents will help you when you ask your kids to honor you (number 5); not killing; not cheating on your spouse; not lying; not stealing; not strongly desiring other people's stuff -- can only make you a better person (6, 7, 8, 9.and 10). Stick with your convictions. You will be a better person because of it.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
"everything but sex" oral sex is sex. a hand job is sex. Touching breasts, penises, vaginas,asses, orgasming is sex. Sex is waaaaay more than intercourse. What do you mean by "sex".? If what you're saying is you've done everything but intercourse, then you're having a sexual relationship. Just waiting to bust a cherry doesn't mean you've waited for marriage. Gotta be more specific than "everything but sex".
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
If you are not 100% comfortable sleeping with your boyfriend due to religious beliefs, then you shouldn't do it.
Pazuzu Pazuzu 5 years
Having sex is a personal decision, you should do what you think is right. I definitely think sex is something special you should share when you're ready but that doesn't neccesarily mean marriage to me. I admire people that wait until marraige, that takes descipline, but I don't think any less of someone that didn't. I think your decision to wait is great but it should be based on what you feel is right, not something anyone tells you. Don't feel bad about the things you've done already, I don't think you can have a full relationship without some sexual aspect (just as long as you're emotionally ready for it). Physical intimacy helps emotional intimacy and builds a strong loving relationship so don't think you're doing anything bad. Go with what you think is best, its your body after all.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
The Bible says a lot of weird things about sex. In the Old Testament, concubines are allowed, as well as buying your dead brother's widow for the price of a sandal. Or something like that. They also have a suspiciously large number of rules against bestiality. Seems to have been a huge problem back then. Most of what we consider Christian values and sexual mores have been passed down as cultural traditions. They were originally developed by early Christian men who tried to live as monks, with no girls allowed, and the world about to end. So no one was really thinking ahead to what it'd be like for us ladies to try to live out their ideas today. Jesus never said anything about premarital sex. So not to speak for the Son of God (which I believe would be considered blasphemy and punishable by being burnt at the stake) but I suspect he'd be in favor of you going with your heart and only doing what you feel is best for you. Which could include not having sex, if that's what you feel is best.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
Sorry but sex is not something you give to a man it is something you share. How do you know how you will relate to each other sexually? There are millions of sexually active unmarried and any catholics throughout the world. The Bible also suggests that you should sacrifice an Ox. Do you do that as well. Time evolves.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
In MY opinion, you are over thinking it. I too am Catholic, born of traditional Mexican Parents. However, your opinion on the matter is VERY ADMIRABLE and if you truly believe that saving yourself for the right guy is the right thing then keep doing it. Don't let others influence your decisions, you are ready when you are ready.
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