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Should I Wish My Ex a Happy Birthday?

"Should I Even Bother Wishing My Ex a Happy Birthday?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

We broke up in March and it was UGLY. He broke up with me and tore me apart with the things he said and did afterwards. Up until recently we weren't even able to speak without fighting. But a couple days ago he texted me apologizing for everything he did, for hurting me and being an asshole. He said I at least deserved a real apology. A couple days later I went out on a whim and asked him to stay over; I haven't seen him in months and I just miss him. He said it wasn't a good idea because his head was still messed up and that it wouldn't help him. But he did admit to missing me, which I was shocked about. I don't understand why he said seeing me wouldn't help him and that his head is still messed up, because he's the one that told me he detached himself from me, that he didn't love me anymore, and that he had stopped caring. Yet, he's concerned it'll dredge things up between us? If he truly didn't love me or care about me, he wouldn't be worried about seeing me again. We were head over heels in love while we dated and I do still love him.

The thing is, tomorrow is his birthday and I'm not sure if I should even say anything. On one hand I love him, and I want to sincerely wish him a happy birthday, and be civil with him, but on the other hand there's no point in me bothering if what I say or do won't change anything. I don't want to cave and be weak by trying to reach out to him again. Should I wish him a happy birthday or no? What's your opinion?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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bugsbrat bugsbrat 5 years
i agree with both commenters below... don't be needy and that's how you'll portray yourself if you say HBD.  they don't like needy x
GrlPower12 GrlPower12 5 years
I've been through this too and I agree with Astridpty. It's definitely not easy or comfortable, but you need to protect yourself and your feelings after what's happened. The best thing for you to do is go silent.
Astridpty30 Astridpty30 5 years
I dont think you should , I went thru the same scenario the only reason he is asking you how you feel and stuff if for him to feel better with himself , if he really will love you or care as a GF he wouldnt left you. If you dont wish him HBD is not because you are not being civil is because you are protecting yourself.  The most needy we look the must turn off they feel about us . SO I dont think you should call him , he said he didnt love you and he stopped caring , well you should do the same ... Imagine how would you feel if you say that to someone  and he keeps going back to you you will feel annoyed by somepoint. If we dont project how much we care about ourself and our value who is going to notice it and treat us like we deserve?  Dont do it.. Hope this help  
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
I agree with Henna, I hope you didn't contact him. It sounds as if your relationship ended for good reason. I don't think his apology was any kind of hidden invitation to start hanging out again. It was his closure to a messy, bad break up. It's great that he did it, but accept it for what it is...just an apology.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 5 years
Take this as permission from the world at large: you don't need anyone's permission to take care of yourself and say no to someone who hurts you.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
You love him and you haven't accepted that this relationship is over, and that it's over for a good reason. You don't want to wish him happy birthday just because you want him tohave a happy birthday. You want it to lead to something else, something more, a step towards reuniting. And because that's your reason, I would say no. Don't do it. You need to do the work on yourself and for yourself to really end this relationship. To end the hope for it to come back together. Your ex understands that it's over, and is trying not to hurt you further. Accept his apology, and accept that this relationship is over, and do the work of grieving, healing, and refocusing. It was the decent thing to do, to apologize...and it was the right thing for his to turn down your offer....he doesn't want to rekindle this, whatever was broken for him is still broken. It's time to accept that, and move on. If this is going to come back to some calm, acceptable place, it will take time. And part of that time is going to need to be devoted to turning your hopes for the future away from him. Hope for his best, and for yours, and then work for yours. I know this isn't what you want to hear, and I'm sorry. But it's what I believe is in your best interests. Have a glass of wine, or a bowl of ice cream, send him your best in a thought, put it out into the universe, but not into a card, or a call, or a text. Take good care, wish I could give you a hug
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