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Should We Break Up Before We Start College?

Dear Sugar
I've been in a long term relationship with my high school boyfriend of two years and we're both getting ready to head off to college in the fall. I've heard all about how college is your time to grow and have fun and learn more about yourself.

Is it a bad idea to keep a long distance relationship in college? And more importantly, if it doesn't work out, how could we go about staying in touch throughout college in case we both realize after we graduate that we want to be together? Hopeful Hallie

Dear Hopeful Hallie
Every situation is different. I can't blame you for not wanting to throw your relationship away if you think it's got real potential, but at the same time, college is such an amazing experience and you don't want to hold yourself back from growing and meeting new people.

I would make some kind of agreement with each other to stay together the best that you can. And yes, it is possible. It will just take some discipline. You can't be all up in each other's grill about your night out the night before. If you can tolerate not being too too nosy and jealous then you definitely stand a chance.

If your love is really meant to be, you will withstand the next four years and eventually come back to each other once you are through with school. I am not saying that it will be easy, but it is totally possible.

Join The Conversation
sanD13 sanD13 10 years
Whatever decision you stick to, know that the first few weeks of college is when new people all meet and start to settle into their circle of friends. Don't miss out on opportunities to meet cool people or you can end up w/o having good friends throughout college. For me, having good friends made my college experience an awesome 4 years. I hope it'll be the same for you as well.
popstar popstar 10 years
Actually ImCurly- the answer to this question isn't as black and white as you may think and a decision like this wouldn't be perfectly clear to a 17 year old facing a complicated situation. I have lots of friends who've kept long distance relationships in college and many who can't seem to make it work. I think it all comes down to how strong your relationship is and your level of trust for eachother.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
College is a "whole" experience, not just classroom stuff. I'd say that if you are open to the possibilities of what can happen you might just get the best of both worlds. If you really love him there's reason to try and stick it out and stay "together". Lots of people have a "home town sweetie" and date at college too. There would need to be some agreement about how far something else could go before you need to mention it, but short of that a weekly phone call (many emails) can keep your relationship alive. Absence makes the heart grow fonder they say!
malibu-stacey malibu-stacey 10 years
it sounds like maybe you're not certain about the relationship generally...? maybe give it a break and see if you really miss each other before you try to commit to the long distance thing...?
MadeofChocolate MadeofChocolate 10 years
A lot of cool people I met in college were no fun because of a long-distance relationship. It takes huge amounts of your attention and emotion, and it will be harder for you to make good, lasting friendships -- even platonic ones. I don't think this is about the other boyfriends you might or might not have in college so much as where you are. Is your heart and head in college, or is your heart and head in an emotional limbo between you and this guy? I think you'll enjoy college, the friendships and the fun, more if you are truly, deeply THERE. That's my take on it.
Jinx Jinx 10 years
Aaaawwwwww, Imcurly, lol, Maybe they just want input. Sometimes you don't think of things until someone else puts it in front of you. and I think she still loves him, the only reason to break up seemed to be college, not that they were growing apart or anything.
bonkers bonkers 10 years
break up! you're too young to be tied down. College is for new places, people, and things, and you should experience them all. you have all the time in the world to get a boyfriend after you graduate college. in the mean time, have fun!
TruJrzyGirl TruJrzyGirl 10 years
Are these questions made up or is some 17 year old actually not smart enough to know what to do ??
Jinx Jinx 10 years
Its hard to enjoy the entire college experience with a steady boyfriend, somewhere else. I think you need to be open to new things and new people, just whether you can do that with a boyfriend back home or at another college is the question. It sounds like the only reason you are considering breaking up is college, and I don't know if thats right. Its an adjustment, and you may like to have him to lean on while you're there, at least at first. Don't rush to break up, although it may be the best end result.
vmruby vmruby 10 years
jkboogie sounds like good advice to me. it's what i would have said .
JK-Boogie JK-Boogie 10 years
Take a are going to meet so many new people at College it is going to be hard to stay faithful...harsh but true.
lulubabyg120 lulubabyg120 10 years
it depends on how "long" distance it really is and how much you love him... i have never lived within less than 40 mins from my man until just recently and we have been together since i was 14 and we always made it work and now he is my husband so i guess u kind of need to make your own decision from the heart- if you love him and cant imagine your life without him and trust him you should stay with him because throwing away true love is never worth anything else... no college experience will be better than knowing you will have someone to share the rest of your life with and knowing they arealways there to support you and be behind you- that is the best feeling in the world and if you feel liek that then you dont need to give it up because you arent likely to find it again for a while... but if you dont feel liek that then its not worth it - only real commited love is worth the pain of a long distance relationship
TruJrzyGirl TruJrzyGirl 10 years
It's college babe ... What he don't know won't kill him ... Sleep around, party hard, study so you pass and live life well !!
PrincessPixie PrincessPixie 10 years
be careful with open relationships though. you have to not allow it to turn into a competition of who scores the most. and don't gove details. they turn into false memories and screw with your mind.
caligirl1201 caligirl1201 10 years
Speaking for myself, I am a totally different person now than I was when I graduated high school. I think everyone needs time to get to know themselves and to experience different relationships so they won't want to wander in the future. You should probably have an open relationship or just breakup and date others, and if you still feel the same by the time you leave college, then maybe you can get back together.
pinkangelmonkey pinkangelmonkey 10 years
i like pp's idea of an open relationship. you are young and that will work out. there are too many if's too just hold onto him or her and hope it works. otherwise i say go with what you are feeling. if you really want it to work, try it keep your fingers and legs crossed. there will always be temptation so just go with what you want and have no regrets!
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 10 years
break up and save yourselves the time and heartache of not having it work out.
PrincessPixie PrincessPixie 10 years
I say have an open relationship OR break up for the duration of being away. i had a partner in my 1st 3 years of uni and man, i missed out on so much cos i was busy being serious. i could have got some serious numbers up.
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
That's a tough one, and Dear gave you great advice. The only thing I would add is to make sure you're not rushing back to BF at every chance and missing out on making new friends and really experiencing the college life.
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