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Should You Tell Your Partner How Many People You've Slept With?

Should You Tell Your Partner How Many People You've Slept With?

You want to know certain things about the person you're sleeping with — have they ever robbed a bank, hurt a kitten or tipped less than 15 percent for good service. But the debate around whether or not you should ask for (or disclose) the number of partners you've had? I don't get it.

I feel like only insecure men — or those looking for trouble — would ask this question. There's nothing wrong with talking about previous sexual experiences if they're going to bring you closer, but I'm not sure giving them a number is a good idea.

What do you think — should you tell your partner how many people you've slept with?

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dear-rose dear-rose 7 years
Only if they ask, But most deff, don't like about it; cause they will find out some way or the other. Past experience ://
AmandaKrups AmandaKrups 7 years
Well, my husband and I know all about each other's dating and sexual history because we were friends for eight years before we started dating, so we told each other a lot. I actually called him the day after I lost my virginity because we were friends and I told all my best friends. Even today, I still have to remind him of some of the girls he dated in high school because he doesn't remember! We both have very low numbers; he's met the only other guy I slept with and I met two of his other three.
Texasred45 Texasred45 7 years
As a guy, I would say never tell, or make up a believable number, like 8... (grin). As for me, my wife of 17 years asked me a couple times very early in our relationship, and I always just told here "thousands." But if she suspected the real number - I was single throughout my 20s and 30s, and wild - she never would have married me!
dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
I'm not ashamed of my past. I'm glad I had fun. Not everyone is beautiful and wanted. Oh well for them.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
Before she walked into the river and didn't come back, the woman who couldn't remember the day of the week or the faces of her children, made a list of all the men she'd ever loved, left it for her husband by the coffee pot, his name on the bottom, underlined twice for emphasis. - Lorna Crozuer (1948)
ali321 ali321 7 years
I don't know. I don't see the big deal. If you're going to sleep with them shouldn't you be comfortable enough around them to tell them how many people you've been with? I don't think you should have to tell them, but like I said to me it's not a big deal. I'm not ashamed of my number. It's not really that high and I'm fine with the person I'm with having a higher number than me. Maybe if it was super crazy high, but I've never had that happen yet. It's when random people ask my number that I think is pretty nosey. That I have a problem with. And I don't really like to know names and details together, because it's just too much for me. But I've never really thought anything about the number itself. Frankly if I asked a guy and he refused to tell me I'd think that was kinda weird. Just me though.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
If someone asked me, which they never have, I would be honest. I don't remember. End of discussion. Only men ask. If you don't understand the reasons behind that question and you give an answer then it's your problem.
Lavinie Lavinie 7 years
no no no no no no no! i once asked this guy - and he wouldn't tell me - and he told me -because as much as we want to know each other's number - at the end of it all - you really don't want to know because it inevitably bothers them.. .it wouldn't bother me -but guys can get a lil weird about it.. and once i was honest with someone and true to what that other guy had said -he got weird! so no gracias - won't tell them anymore... but if i would - i like partysugar's route... loved your answer :-)
luna08 luna08 7 years
My sexual history is private; strictly between me and the person I established said history with.The only info I want is medical. Of course, there's always the old fall-back of, "Everytime is like the first time with you, baby"! ;)
totygoliguez totygoliguez 7 years
CFP I'm the same thing! My bf doesn't need to know everything about me, they are things that only belong to me; one of them in my number.
karlotta karlotta 7 years
Mine is scandalous, and I wouldn't tell him on my deathbed.
nikkisoda nikkisoda 7 years
@muirnea--I do not think not telling your bf makes you fake. Everyone is different. If you want to share everything with your bf then that is your decision. I don't think my bf needs to know everything about me from birth up to now. Small details, yes. A written autobiography, no.
janneth janneth 7 years
You are right, there is a difference.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
There's a difference between full-disclosure and honesty. I am always honest, but I do NOT practice full-disclosure. There's a big difference. When there is a subject I want to keep private (like personal, sexual history), I would say so. I am being honest, and I'm keeping private, sensitive information to myself. Besides, I don't kiss and tell. I'm a lady. ;) :)
janneth janneth 7 years
If your numbers don't match up somewhat, it could be a problem for some people.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
Since when did keeping personal matters private make you a shameful dishonest person?
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
I think the answers to this question vary depending on how comfortable an individual is with the new cliche "total transparency". I personally find that boring as hell and I value my privacy. My number is my number and is very is MY business. I would never ask a guy his number. If a guy asked me, I wouldn't tell him, not out of any shame, but because it is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS. Likewise, I have no interest in knowing his number...all I need to know is that he is disease free. What the f@ck difference does it make anyway? If it really matters to either partner, then someone's in the wrong relationship.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 7 years
NO! None of their business. It doesn't matter the number its simply personal and I wouldn't want to know either.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
Who really wants to know, anyway? I only have a vague idea of how many girls my boyfriend has slept with. I don't care to know the specifics! And since my sexual history is almost non-existent, really, I think it's quite irrelevant. All he needs to know is that he is the only guy I'm sleeping with now.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
I'm with CFP. Generally, I never disclose my personal history, except for the fact that I'm currently healthy, and disease-free (I would be open to get medical proof). The rest is none of his business. Likewise, I have the same respect for his personal history.
Chouette4u Chouette4u 7 years
I agree with you, Muirnea. You obviously don't need to share your number on a first date, but if you're in a committed relationship with someone and they want to know, I think you have an obligation to tell them the truth.
Muirnea Muirnea 7 years
By the way, I find it entertaining that so many people on this site will write about how important honesty is in a relationship, but then say you shouldn't tell your real # to a bf. It's like honesty is this grand idea that should be upheld, but when it actually comes down to it, no one wants to actually be honest. Hmmm, kind of like the real world.
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