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Should Your Boyfriend Also Be Your Best Friend?

When you meet someone and fall in love, you can't help but want to spend most of your free time with him or her. And when you spend that much time with one person, and share a unique intimacy you don't share with anyone else, they become the person you trust more than anyone else. All these qualities are what you'd find in a best friend, but should your lover also be your BFF?

In a recent Real Simple article, John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, said this about the question:

"I have no problem with partners who are best friends, but you should have other close friends to confide in as well — especially when you are having difficulties and need time away from your spouse. Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

I'm curious to hear your take on this issue. Do you agree with John Gray, that it's asking too much to have one person be both your life partner and your best friend? Or do you think your spouse should without a doubt wear both hats?


Join The Conversation
Kat-E Kat-E 8 years
Absolutely my boyfriend is my best friend, and you know what? It's the best feeling in the world. Someone broke into my car this weekend and completely shattered my passenger side window. Guess who offered me his car for work tomorrow? My sweetheart. He gets me better than anyone I think I've ever met - friend or otherwise - and he's someone I know I can count on. On the flip side, I definitely understand the importance of having other people I'm close to in my life. I definitely like to make time for my girlfriends when our schedules allow, even if it's just to get drinks or something after work. It gives me a chance to give my relationship with my sweetheart a little space (always important!) and time apart, and I get to do the things with my ladies that I can't do with him.
PiNkY-PiNk PiNkY-PiNk 8 years
he's definitely my bff.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
My boyfriend is my best friend, yes. I can trust him with everything. Other people have come and gone but he is always there for me.
ESPNgirl ESPNgirl 8 years
I have had the same best friend since I was 7, so we have been best friends for about 19 years...she is MY best friend My boyfriend is my best friend, but as my bestie and I have talked about, he is a best friend in a different way, just as her man is her bestie in a different way. It is important to have that person outside of your relationship who understands you better than anyone and to vent to.
lilwildone1202 lilwildone1202 8 years
my husband was one of my best friends before we even started dating... and our friendship has only gotten stronger the longer we've been together. i wouldnt have it any other way. he gets me in ways noone else has. that being said, i also confide in my mom and i have another person i'd consider a 'best friend' but she's more like a sister to me... but if someone were to ask me who my best friend, its my hubby for sure
Dare-You-To Dare-You-To 8 years
Three years ago, I started dating my best friend of the time. We questioned whether it was a good idea, and, apparently, it was. Because we already had the foundation of a best friend relationship, it continued into our romantic relationship, and, in my opinion, made our connection stronger than that I have had with any other boyfriend. The downside is that, yes, all your eggs are in one basket. Over time, when I realized I needed another outlet, I came to confide more in female friends that I had previously had, but now, I needed them more. The key, as with most things in life, is balance.
CurvatudeBlog CurvatudeBlog 8 years
my partner of 11 years is my best friend. this does not mean that i dont have other friends that i love hanging out with (especially because my girlfriend is somewhat antisocial). but honestly i prefer spending my time with her.
Symphonee Symphonee 8 years
My BF is my best friend, I happen to have found someone where that shares the same interests as I do. I can also talk to him about just about anything and I will get a truthful answer. I didn't expect this to happen, it was just an added bonus. I still have my best friend of 8 years though and we talk about everything. I never put her off for him and he doesn't ask me to. She actually gets along with him(whichis a first for my relationships)
resamac resamac 8 years
My boyfriend is my best friend. I really don't have any other best friends either, because all of my friends moved away to school. Which kind of sucks, because as much as I love him, I don't know if he is "the one," and I want to date other people before I settle down. I know I can't be selfish and make him still be my best friend if I'm dating other people, but he is the best friend I've ever had.
Miss-Senorita Miss-Senorita 8 years
My bf is one of my best friends(we were friends for 5yrs before starting dating for a year so far) but not my only one. I want to be able to talk and vent and get different opinions on things and go out and have fun.
zcoral zcoral 8 years
I used to think this was a good idea, until my last two boyfriends became only a best friend. I think when you share everything, the romanticism dwindles. It's incredibly heartbreaking.
psterling psterling 8 years
I agree that there needs to be a balance. My husband is my best friend but I also have girlfriends that I can talk to and get advice from. I can't tell my hubby everything!
danizzle danizzle 8 years
he should not be your ONLY friend. but if you can't call him your "BFF", then why would you want to spend your life with him?
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 8 years
My partner is my best friend, but I've also got a best friend outside of the relationship. I always turn to my partner first but my girlfriend is someone who I can talk to about things that gross my partner out or if we have issues with our relationship I have a friendly ear who knows that hey can rely on me in return.
macchiatolove macchiatolove 8 years
yes, I agree with CYL. Partners should be ONE of your best friends (perhaps ahead by just a little) but we all need other friends to talk to about dramas within your relationship, go shoe shopping with, get pedicures with! I have friends for different things :)
CYL CYL 8 years
Hmm I think my bf is one of my best friends, not the ONE and ONLY BEST friend. He knows everything that goes on in my life and is the only person that can cheer me up and get me out of my rut in 5 minutes flat...but I do have other best gfs and best gay guy friends to confide in about stuff I don't want to discuss with my what I should get him for Christmas or what that cute coffee guy said to you in the morning as you got your morning cup of coffee
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
depends on the situation and the stage of the relationship. i've had relationships like that and been in that place with my husband, but honestly, i prefer (and need) to have more than one really close confident. i don't think one person can be everything to me, i'm just like that now. i have a complicated life that requires me to bounce things off people who will have a different perspective than i do. if the person has the same opinion and influances as i do on things (like my husband) what good does that do me? i need other view points. like i said, complicated.
xopiperxo xopiperxo 8 years
my bf is my best friend. i have a few girls that i would also consider as my bff's.
pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 8 years
Your SO shouldn't be the only close friend in your life, or you'll have no one to turn to if/when you no longer have your SO in your life.
queenlizzie queenlizzie 8 years
My boyfriend's my best friend, and I'm very happy about it. Being friends with your partner is the only way to have a solid base for a relationship.
bchicgrl bchicgrl 8 years
my fiance is one of my best friends, I think that's important for a solid relationship but you should still have your other bff's you turn to as well, you should be both dependent and independent in relationships.
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
My fiance's definitely my best friend. There's an incredible completeness to our relationship, where we have the friendship as well as the romance, and he knows me and accepts me better than almost anyone else in the world--my many flaws and weaknesses as well as strengths.
clarabelle98 clarabelle98 8 years
I think one OF your best friends, definitely, but not the only one. I have my Hubby and my two best girlfriends. Sometimes I want to talk about "girlie" stuff, and while my husband is more than willing to listen and offer his advice, it's just not the same. I think a healthy balance is really important. My girls and I have one night a week that is ours for about 2 hours. We cherish it, and wouldn't trade it for anything. The rest of the time is for my family. I think that things like this has helped keep my marriage strong and happy for the almost 13 years we've been married.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
It's really important for your partner to be a best friend, but not your ONLY friend. My BF and I were friends for years before we got together and it makes things so much easier. We are interested in the same things and don't have the friction I've had with past boyfriends. But I agree that you should cultivate other relationships also.
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