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Sick of Being Alone

"I'm Sick of Being Alone"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I am 20, never been in a relationship and rarely catch the attention of guys who are interested in anything serious. The last guy I "dated" convinced me to date him because although I liked him, I was pretty worried about being hurt and was not sure if he only wanted me for sex. We went out twice and when I wouldn't "offer the goods," I never heard from him again. For a while, I was pretty bitter and scorned because it took a lot for me to take a chance and go out with him, and he knew that so I felt pretty betrayed. Initially, I planned to veto all boys and dating and just give up on the whole thing.

I'm the only virgin of my friends, the only one never to be in a relationship, and the only one who is never asked out. However, I really do not want to be alone nor do I want to get to 30 and have my only intimate experiences involve kissing and nothing further. Do you guys have any ideas on how to meet guys and open up a bit more? I'm very guarded so I know that's going to be a struggle. I've considered online dating, but I feel like that would really be accepting defeat.

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Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
I agree with Henna and Mary, you're focused on running before you're walking. Your anxiousness might benefit from a therapeutic relationship, sounds like you need some ongoing support too as you take their advice. Twenty is very young, take steps to grow out of this anxiousness and live a life you're proud of and the guy thing will take care of itself.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
My suggestion is that you look for involvement outside of dating for the present. You are so anxious about the whole experience, that I think social activities with lots of other people, where you can practice basic social skills without worrying about one on one and intimate interactions for a bit. I really like the idea of volunteering....working for a soup kitchen or a food bank.....checking in with salvation army to ring the bell these holidays.....or checking our habitat for humaninty.......all kinds of people, young, old, male, female, give their time to help others, and you never know whom you'll meet. You can learn how to install insulation or nail a door frame, or ..... I'd also like to suggest a house of faith, if you have a belief. There are some booming big congregations out there, with a lot of young folks.....if you look around. Some are very conservative, some very liberal.....Boulder Co has a Uniterian Universalist church that meets three times on sundays, I think, with about 1500 people at each service, and lots and lots of programs and groups......I don't suggest this often, just thought it might sound like a safe option for you. good luck
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
Hang in there. The right person will come along when it's meant to happen. If you want to place yourself in situations where it's MORE likely to happen, you have to get yourself out there and maybe step out of your comfort zone a little bit. First off, guys love an independent girl who has her own interests and can take care of get out there and live. Join things, volunteer, etc. You will meet all sorts of interesting new people and one of them might just be an eligible guy. Even if you don't meet anyone special, you will be glad you got out there and tried something new. You could try online dating, if you're up to it. You could ask friends and relatives to set you up. You could go out on weekends to places where guys would be hanging out. As for your guarded personality, that's something you will need to work on overcoming. If you find yourself alone with a guy, a safe bet is to start asking him about himself. People love to talk about themselves, so just keep asking him questions and let him do the talking until you feel more comfortable. Do you have a friend who seems to have guys all over her all the time? Ask her for some tips. Read magazine articles and search online for tips to build confidence. The important thing is that you appear confident. Smile, have good posture, let the world see what a cool, interesting person you are. Good luck!
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