5 Ways to Tell If You're in Love, According to a Relationship Coach

Updated on 7/22/2022 at 6:30 PM

It seems like the world has come up with every possible way to describe the beginning stages of a relationship. You've no doubt had a crush at some point in your life, and you might have even found yourself describing more casual flings as situationships, hookups, or sneaky links — the list goes on. But when is it love? How can you tell when you and your partner have moved beyond the more trivial and fragile noncommittal phases of a relationship into a full-fledged romance? Maybe there are so many ways to describe those earlier dynamics because we're hesitant or scared to define what we're experiencing as love.

If you're ready to sit down and figure out how you really feel, you've come to the right place. POPSUGAR asked relationship coach Jimmy Allen for some surefire signs you're falling in love. Keep reading to find out what he had to say.

Being with them makes you feel invincible.

Allen explains that part of falling in love is feeling like your partner has your back and that, together, the two of you can accomplish anything. "You don't feel judged when you have a work problem or a friend problem," he says. Instead, you have a partner who is "supporting every need and allowing you to feel like the problems of the world are not so big anymore." Allen adds that this can make you "feel like a giant," like you're absolutely invincible.

You appreciate and want to know everything about your partner.

If you find yourself wanting to learn about and participate in the things your partner enjoys, it could very well be because you're falling for them. It's even better when, as Allen explains, "you're both doing that with each other — appreciating what is meaningful for each other, and not judging what the thing is." Instead, "you're [simply] enjoying the experience of your partner and experiencing something that they love to do."

There's a sense of security that develops when people in a relationship feel like they can just be themselves, without fear that they'll be judged. You might find that you love your partner not despite their quirks but because of them — and that you feel valued in the same way.

You feel at ease when they're around.

To be clear, this doesn't mean everything about your relationship is going to be easy. There will still be bumps and mishaps along the way, as you learn how to merge your lives, communicate with each other, and resolve conflict — but when you're in love, even in moments of tension, "there's a sense of ease," Allen says. Nothing between you feels forced or inorganic, and you take comfort in knowing that what the two of you have can withstand these obstacles. Contrary to popular belief, love itself is easy. It's identifying and allowing yourself to love that can be difficult.

You don't need them, but you want them.

Sometimes we can mistake these things for being one and the same, but the difference between needing and wanting a person is the difference between love and toxic dependency. "When people say, 'I need to be with you,' it means, 'I need you to be something that I am not,'" Allen says. "When that person gets tired of being that thing for you, and they take that away, then a lot of conflict comes into play." If it's love, their presence is a welcome addition to your life, not a crutch.

You feel safe and secure in your relationship.

When you have a crush on someone, you might feel like you have to impress them and earn their approval, but as your relationship becomes more serious, that pressures begins to fade. Allen describes it this way: "I can do and be and say anything with my partner without feeling judged. I feel seen, I feel heard, I feel safe." When you're in love, you don't feel like you have to earn your partner's attention or feel self-conscious around them. Instead, you feel accepted. "You feel like you're growing, you feel like you're stretching," Allen says. "You feel like you're having the best time of your life, really, and with your best friend."