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Single and Looking For a Relationship

"You Can Only Be Alone For So Long"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

This might be a bit of a rambling post, but I've been feeling really down on myself lately and I think I need some encouraging words and/or a kick in the butt from some helpful strangers. I've always been very confident in myself and my abilities; my relationships are another issue. I've had two serious relationships — one in high school, and one that covered my last half of grade 12 and my first semester of university. That relationship ended nearly 2 years ago, and I've been single since. I've gone on first dates here and there, and hooked up with a few guys, but nothing has stuck. I feel like I have very few opportunities to meet guys. I work 12 hour days, go to bed by 9 pm on weekdays or else I'm a zombie the next morning, and am usually so wiped by the weekends I don't want to go out. I work two jobs and all my coworkers are female. I also do volunteer work that I'm incredibly passionate about, but the vast majority of males volunteering through the organization are gay. I've made friends, but my work/volunteer situations are not conducive to potential new relationships!

I feel like I'm getting out there the best I can, but just can't meet anyone who's right for me. I've started considering online dating, and even chatted with a few guys online, but I'm so young (20) and feel like I shouldn't have to resort to that. I realize that since I'm young, maybe this is my time to enjoy being single. And I do, a lot of the time — I like having freedom and little emotional stress, I like that I can hook up with guys and flirt with whomever I want. Contributing to all these negative feelings is the fact that I'm in the beginning stages of a NSA (no strings attached) situation with a guy that I'm already getting a bad feeling about. I don't want to date him and I'm realizing at this point I'm too vulnerable to handle something like this; while I've previously had no-strings sex work out well, at this point it feels like I'm just jumping at the promise of intimacy and affection, and I get those from him sporadically at best. My gut is telling me I should not see him again, especially since I feel horrible when we go a while without speaking, but those random nights we spend together are pretty great. My brain knows it's a bad idea but my heart realizes how lonely I feel and how nice it is to sleep with someone else in the bed.


I realize this is kind of all over the place and probably pretty sad sounding, but I just feel like I have no idea how to find someone who can be a good partner for me. In just the past few months, I feel like I've reached my breaking point and have started to really acknowledge how lonely I am. So, here I am, reaching out. Any advice, suggestions . . . whatever. Things can't get any worse so I might as well try to make 'em better.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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henna-red henna-red 5 years
You sound like a pretty typical, busy 20 year old student. Someone who wants absolutely everything that life has to offer. And why not? Relationships take a lot of time, a lot of committment, a lot of focus. I understand wanting to wake up warm and fuzzy with another loving body in the bed, but there's another side to all of that, particularly at your you've mentioned yourself. That time factor. What are you willing to sacrifice to add something/someone new to the mix? I thing Mary's recommendation is good. There's a huge percentage of people today, who are meeting through online dating's not just some sign of desperation. It's a tool that like minded people use, not a thing wrong with that, so long as you're safe and sensible and have checked out the references of the site. If you don't want to go that route, then you need to change something else in your life in order to bring yourself into a more male rich environment.....totaly up to you. Whichever way you choose, don't stress this so much. You are young and have so much going're developing social and work skills and habits that will evolve your life....just remember if you have a goal, or desire that's not being met, then it's incumbent on you to change your basic behavior towards that unfullfilled area of focus, and not just wait around for luck or the universe to throw what you're looking for into your path. Those things happen when we're actively aware of our intention and desire for them to finds like. So if you want to date, use the tools available, and if you're ok with developing your single girl strengths and skills for a while, dealing with school and that's ok too. It's a choice. Try one, try another, see what works, what fits. Have fun, don't stress, enjoy your life, single or dating. :)
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
My first piece of advice would be to stop seeing this guy if you don't feel any connection. Follow your gut. As for wanting to find someone, I would recommend online dating. I had a good experience when I tried it. I actually hit it off with the first guy I went out with, and we dated for several months. He ended up being a total jerk in the end, but that had nothing to do with how we met. And prior to agreeing to a date with him, I was chatting with several guys, getting emails, texts, im's, etc. It was fun and made me feel good about myself. I'm not currently doing the online thing, but I would definitely do it again when I'm up for it. It's so hard to meet people the old fashioned way these days, what with busy schedules and all. Wishing you the best!
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