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Sisterly Struggle

Dear Sugar
My younger sister is dating a guy no one believes is good enough for her. He's 26 and she's 20. He also has 2 children and he's not really a part of their lives. My sister recently got pregnant and we're afraid that he isn't going to support her either. My grandfather was decent enough to get this guy a job at his roofing company. However, he often blows off work with pretty flimsy excuses. He also complains that my sister is too focused on college and work. She's about to be a single mom. What else should she be focusing on? She has to work in order to support the child and she has to go to college in order to give the child a better life. I love my sister and I want to be supportive. I also want her to have the best. My mom and I will support her and her child regardless. We just wish she had better taste in men. Should we express our disapproval or continue to watch her make a mistake? Southern Sister

Dear Southern Sister
Frankly, he sounds like a complete dead beat. What kind of man doesn't use protection when he's 26 and already has 2 children that he can not even help support emotionally or financially? Can this guy even hold down a job? You should absolutely talk to your sister about him. But be careful of your words - if she's in love with him and wants to have a child with him she is probably nervous and you don't want to alienate her so that she might run off somewhere with him. You can ask her about their plans; will there be a wedding? Where do they plan on living and raising this child? What are some realistic ways that she can finish college? And lastly, how will they afford this child if he has 2 others? Don't scare her - this is all very heavy stuff, but make her think long and hard. Support her and tell her that you and your Mom will always be there for her (that is what she needs to hear) but it may change things for her if she goes to him with all of these questions. You are a good sister to care about her like this.

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