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Sleeping With Him Before Talking About Being Exclusive

"I Slept With Him Before Having the Talk"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I just started dating a guy about three weeks ago.  We had our fifth date last night, and one thing led to another.  I always have the exclusivity talk before this happens, except last night.  Now I'm freaking out about what to do.  I'm not sure what to do now.  We did text each other last night after I got home, with me sending the last text.  Is the ball in his court to get back in touch?  When we do talk again, should I tell him that I need to be exclusive if that's going to happen again?

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SabrinaOfOz SabrinaOfOz 5 years
The ball is in his court.  It's hard to wait, and hopefully he's texted you by now.  I think it's ok to you need exclusivity for it to happen again.  A guy might not enjoy hearing that since you've already slept with him, but you are entitled to feeling comfortable with a sexual relationship.  If he's not happy with that arrangement, than you ditch him and find someone who is :)
chibros chibros 5 years
Well, like I stated in my previous comment, "relax and see how things goes". and it's really going bad, the best you can do is to more on and don't always responds to his sms, be busy also!!! Unless you want to turn the friendship to you being the "stress reliever".. Its heading to direction of fuck buddies from my point of view.. He's just keeping in touch till he needs it again..
henna-red henna-red 5 years
you move on. Nothing much else to do. If he wants to spend time, he'll contact you. If he doesn't, he won't. It's just part of dating. Some date with sex, some without. You are investing a whole lot of emotion on someone without a whole lot of time and effort getting to know him. Don't build a future on three or fours weeks, five dates with someone, sex or not. Pull yourself back into yourself, and take a look around. It's time to date someone else. good luck
bluemagnolia bluemagnolia 5 years
well, it's been a little over a week since this happened. That night I texted him to tell him I got home ok, he texted back, and I sent a response in the AM. Nothing from him for 3 days after, then just asking about how my weekend was. I responded, but nothing back from him. Another 3 days, he texted to say work was killing him this week. I said I'd been really busy too, all work and no response. What am I supposed to do with this?!
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
Don't worry about the 5th date thing. There is no way I would have waited that long if it felt right. ANd my sister married someone who she had sex with within hours of meeting. Length of time is really not an issue. Just get in touch withe him and good luck.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
I think the first thing to do is relax. This isn't a world class mess up, it's something that happens when two people connect. Even with the best of intentions, even with your personal rules, and standards, it's not something that will ruin your life. You did have safe sex, right? not too carried away to use protection? if you didn't, go get tested. Personaly, I'm more concerned about that, than your slip with yourself. Take a little time to chill, think about what happened. Don't rush off in a panic. If you find it necessary, which would be nice because you'd be seeing each other again, then tell him that you don't usually have casual sex, and prefer to be exclusive in an intimate relationship. He'll know that you were so attracted to him, so into him you forgot your own rules. He'll feel complimented. Be calm, remember how much you enjoy this guy, and get past the freak out. take care
BiWife BiWife 5 years
you're good, he got a taste of what's on the menu & now he can decide whether he wants that exclusively or if he wants to move on. he got the test drive, now he can decide if he wants to go for a lease commitment. I never really liked the whole waiting around for a guy/girl to make the next move. If I wanted to talk to them, I call them. granted, I don't let myself get all crazy about txting constantly or anything, but you know, if you haven't heard from them in a day and you're wanting to talk, etc, etc.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
If you feel very strongly about it, then definitely tell him you expect to only be sleeping with each other. That puts the ball in his court. He can either respect it and agree, or tell you he would rather date around. I'm the type of girl who would probably wait for him to make the next move. I agree with Bubbles that a lot of guys like the chase and so I figure, "let them chase." Good luck!
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 5 years
I don't think you really messed up, just a little because you want him to be yours and now you're hanging. Do most people have 'the conversation' before the first bonk? I'd be surprised. And as far as I know it usually turns out ok. The older I get and more 'numbers' I hear from guys I'm surprised how low they are. They're generally not skanks either. I'd put green this will probably turn out fine, definitely more than 50% odds. And you'll have a sweet 'you know I really am into you and want to be exclusive' convo. Personally I didn't find being the pursuer effective. Guys really do seem to like to take that role. And if they're into someone they'll show it.
chibros chibros 5 years
The deed has being done. It doesn't matter if the ball is in his court to get back. You can see for yourself from the same flow you guys used to communicate with before this happened and know If things changed. There's not much you can do than to worry if you screwed things up. The best you can do is to take precaution, relax and watch out if things got screwed up, if you have the opportunity to put it in right path, if not, you learnt from it You don't tell you need to be exclusive, you act it. Well, I guess you rather keep quiet about that topic and don't let it happen again if its not your wish and be direct with your reasons. Actions speaks louder than voice.
Serene18 Serene18 5 years
If you plan on pursuing a future with this guy or want to continue to get to know him, then yes that talk needs to be had. He could easily assume that this is all you want that y'all are just sex partners. It's not hard for a guy to label you as such. In fact, some who feel this way about some women, wouldn't want to get emotionally involved with you. They feel because they are not rooted to you, who knows how many others guys you are just having sex with? That is another good reason to have that talk with him, so that he won't feel you out as the type that only looks for sex whenever it presents itself.
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