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Is Space in a Relationship a Good Thing?

I'm a firm believer that couples shouldn't spend every free second they have together. It's important for each person to have other friends, hobbies, and interests. Not only does it give you time apart (which is a must every once in a while), but it also helps to strengthen each person individually, which in turn makes you stronger as a couple.

So a little time apart is healthy, but what about space? I'm sure you've said you need your space before, if someone was being too clingy or if you were constantly arguing. Can space or taking a break really make a bad relationship better? Or, is saying you need your space just sugar-coating an inevitable break up?


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erica000 erica000 7 years
I'm in a relationship with a great guy for over two years, but fight less now than before, but want my own space as in him moving out of house. He doesn't and refuses but I had to put my foot down for him to go but still want to be with him. Just going through alot in my life and feel I need time to heal b4 I could give happiest to someone else. Throughout the relationship I was putting him away alot because I felt I wasn't getting much support from him. At one point in the relationship he was in love with me but I never was with him but want to be. But now in the relationship he still has feeling but not as strong like it was in the begining, and agrees that we both need are spare, but claims he still wants to be with me and also still sees a future for the both of us.. By the way he's 23 and I'm 27 Could it be that he really doesn't want to be with me or he does but doesn't have a chose but to agree with my decision? could someone reply to this question?
Tazz19 Tazz19 7 years
Hi guys i'm new, an read ur comment. Really need some advice. Myself an my boyfriend are dating for three years. We met on high school been together on high school for 2 years then we went to the same university an this is going to be our second year at university together. We both have casual (weekend) jobs an it happens to be in the same mall. So basicly we are evryday together. What do i do i know we need space because i love him so much but don't get butterflies or a real feeling of missing him. We also argue alot now an over silly things. And to be honest i have become very dependant on him an his friends became mine aswel..... Please help
amborsita amborsita 9 years
I definately think that having your own space is important. If you find that you're not missing each other, obviously something is wrong. But wanting to have individual friends and hobbies is a pretty harmless thing to ask for in a relationship. I also think that taking a break to find your own self and focus on yourself for awhile can be good, too. If your significant other is asking to sow their wild oats and then leaves the possibility of maybe getting back together, forget about it. Why should you be left high and dry waiting to get back together with someone who's been with other people expecting you to wait? However, if the desire to be single isn't related to wanting other women, and is just a desire to reshape life and get in touch with old friends, it can be a good thing. If two people come together at the end of that, they can be stronger, more mature people and most likely have a better relationship after experiencing that they truly want to be committed to one another.
juliemyjewel juliemyjewel 9 years
I don't think that needing a little space without him at all times is the same as "taking a break". At all. I enjoy time with and without my boyfriend, and I think that it's healthy to have your own space and independence.
Not to mention, some people have abandonment issues (you know, from their parent's being divorced and one taking off), and if you leave them, even if for just a week or a day, that trust is immediately lost!
I totally don't believe in the on and off relationship thing. If you get so angry that you can't maturely handle the situation, break it off for good. People get hurt when you "take a break" for a couple weeks. Havn't you ever seen Friends? There aren't set ground rules to a break, and you're certainly not going to set them on the way out the door angry. So, when one partner thinks it's ok to hook up with someone, and it's obvs not, the relationship is as good as destroyed anyways!
red4bonez red4bonez 9 years
I think if my boyfriend took a break we would not get back together. I don't like taking breaks because to me it is just silent breaking up. And a reason for someone to sleep around and stuff. I mean that is just me. My boyfriend takes break as "finding out what you really want type a thing". To me that is finding out if that girl is better in bed that I am. ;-) I personally do not see a reason for a break. We give each other space, to do hang out with friends, to stay at home, to do whatever (besides seeing other people and cheating and stuff). So that space that we give each other lets us miss each other and we look forward to spending time together.
laimar laimar 9 years
I's a case-by-case basis. I believe that if you are going to take a break, it needs to be a real, true break. My ex and I did the "space" thing, multiple times throughout our relationship, but we never really quit talking or really separated. It was just delaying the inevitable. But when my husband and I were dating, we took a real, 5-month break about 1.5 yrs into our relationship. At the time, I didn't know if we would get back together or not, but I lived my life as if we wouldn't. It truly let us step back and reevaluate our relationship and our lives and we got back together as a stronger, more mature couple. We appreciated what we had more. It was the best thing that ever happened to us!
mcreverie mcreverie 9 years
i think its really a case by case basis ... for me, i think a little space/short breaks are ok, as long as its for a good, positive reason ("I feel i need to be more independent" is a good reason, while "i'm not sure if i'm still in love with you, so let's take a break to see if i miss you" is a bad reason)
LovelyLady8 LovelyLady8 9 years
Well I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and I will say that we have not done the whole space thing. It sounds like a breakup. Honestly, if he can spend 5 minutes a day with me he would make arrangements to. But he goes to a lot of sporting events with his brother and he goes to the gym.. and it's a good thing that I can come home, nap, relax.. watch tv! Do whatever. But normally I see him every single day of the week unless one of us is doing something else later in the evening. We don't live together but we love spending time together.. And we also love seeing each other everyday! BUT, honestly.. I think the whole space thing needs to be clarified.. like I want one day a week to myself.. or is it I need to NOT talk to you for a while space. Eh, the whole "Space" word freaks me out anyways!!!! Nothing good can come of it..!
PrincessTracy PrincessTracy 9 years
Yes...very thankful to have 2 homes to go to depending on what's happening at either one.... It's less stressful that way.
NdHebert NdHebert 9 years
Me and my boyfriend have days that are just to ourselves. I love him but I have to have girl time with my friends. I have to have alone time so I can primp and pluck! I like to be able to take a long bath, read, and go to sleep without having to speak to someone else. He is the same way (except he prefers to spend his alone time playing xbox!) I think it makes for a very healthy relationship. It makes us want to see each other. After 2 years I still get butterflies when I see him. I mean, you get tired of songs when you hear them too often, and you can get tired of food after eating it everyday. A person is no different.
chicaparati17 chicaparati17 9 years
SPACE??? Hmmm well the call of duty..U.S. Army has given us space twice (year long) in our 3 year marriage! Talk about tough! We practically have had to be "married" through the internet and phone. Really hard but it either makes your or breaks you. Some military couples make it work others are torn apart by the space, frequent deployments and demanding work schedules. Trust me its not very easy but its not for everyone. I wil say on the postitive side if you are lucky like me to be able to communicate with your husband during the makes one another "dear"..knowing that they could be gone in a second...makes you grateful and treasure one another. I along with other spouses dont know if we will ever see our loved ones again...makes you ignore all the little things and appreciate life. OKAY I am off my soapbox now but I needed to get that out.....2 weeks to go and he will be home! In time for the holidays...GOD BLESS OUR SERVICEMEMBERS!
reimisan reimisan 9 years
In a relationship to say you need "space" is the buffered/trial version of a break-up. it's like saying I think I still want to be with you but need to check how green the grass is on the other side. Now wanting to have free time for yourself is no big deal, everyone needs that to stay sane.
Greentea1203 Greentea1203 9 years
My boyfriend of three years and I just separated--taking a break--and he moved out, but he calls and visits often, but says that we need some time apart. He's 22 and I know he needs to grow up (A LOT!!) and I'm 26 and had become incredibly dependent on him and wanted him around all the time. We've been separated for over a month and I've become much more independent, outgoing and happy, even though I miss him. Even though I'm feeling like I'm being put on the backburner (ie, I'm wife material but not party-girl material) I don't care. I think breaks, though emotionally trying, can work if both, or one person, needs to figure out things in their life. But if it works out or not, I'm realizing there's a million guys out there. Until then, I totally don't call or text him, because then he misses me even more. Ha..
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
I always thought that 'taking a break' is just delaying the inevitable. I always remember; If its meant to be, it will work out.
Liss1 Liss1 9 years
Oh, that makes sense. I can't sleep when my husband snores, he doesn't normally do it just when he is sick or has been drinking.
juliemyjewel juliemyjewel 9 years
I think space is definitely important, but I think that if the space becomes emotional distance, then it's over.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
Separate beds, separate rooms. I'm not at all a cuddler, he's a big snorer and I'm a light sleeper, and he gets up very early a lot of the time for his training. Being in the same room wouldn't give me a restful sleep at all.
Liss1 Liss1 9 years
I think it is important for people to have time alone. My husband travels alot (he is a musician) and everyone feels so bad for me when he is gone, the funny thing is i like the time to myself. I love him tons and miss him but we talk everyday while he is gone sometimes even a couple of times a day but i like my alone time. I watch chick flicks he wouldn't watch and spend time with friends and family and just be lazy. Greggie, just curious do you sleep in the same room but separate beds? and do you sleep apart every night? I could see the good in that. We have a king size bed and i like to have my own space, i hate to be touched while i am sleeping, we can cuddle before we go to sleep but while i am sleeping hands off. :)
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