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Splitting Holidays Between Families

Group Therapy: Worried About an Unhappy Holidays

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm feeling a lot of guilt about the holidays right now. I'm going to be dividing up this year's holidays between my family and the boyfriend's family. (Thanksgiving will be spent with the bf's mother; Christmas will be with my family; and NYE with the bf's father.) While I know I can only insist that my two sisters make an effort to spend it with my parents (who are divorced), I can't make them. It is just a bummer that because I'm not here, neither one of my sisters is going to make an effort to organize a nice dinner. Let's not forget to mention that Christmas is going to stress me out because my mom volunteered my sisters and I to cook for our family including extended family . . . I need some coping skills! Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm about to go pick up a case of white wine and just go with the flow.

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Join The Conversation
katykat1980 katykat1980 5 years
The holidays can be SO stressful.... it's too bad that what is supposed to be a heartwarming time of family blah blah blah sometimes turns into arguments or stress over traveling, cooking, or keeping all of your family members happy. I don't know if it works in your case, but some lucky families are able to combine holiday gatherings- like this year, my mom and uncle are coming with my fiancee and I over to my soon to be mother in law's house. Of course, this only works if they live somewhat nearby. Another way you can approach the holidays is with a little flexibility: after all, it's just another day on the calendar, and you can always celebrate the holiday with one branch of your family another day. It's a shame when relatives put pressure on you to live up to their expectations, and the best you can do is try to remain in good spirits, take advantage of the chance to see people you don't usually get to see. And when it comes to cooking a big meal for extended family- you'll have people offering to help, trust me. Be ready to accept help with plenty of counter space, and dishes ready- even fairly young kids can help peel potatoes or open cans. Good luck, and I hope things turn out well for you!
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
You don't have to TELL her you didn't cook. :)
mnp mnp 5 years
I'm the OP here. // My sisters and I had already decided to order food for a potluck dinner for Christmas but that plan was scrapped. Anyways, my mother said that if I didn't want to cook, I don't have to eat or even be there. Nice, eh?
Vanonymous Vanonymous 5 years
I, like most people in a relationship, do the same thing. We will spend Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. I'm super close with my family and was kind of bummed to miss Thanksgiving with them, so we had a separate Thanksgiving in September! You'll find ways to fit everyone in and make it nice.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
I was in your shoes for many years. My ex and I had to split our time between 3 families (his, and my divorced parents) and it caused many fights over the years. Just try to remember that the holidays are supposed to be a happy time. Do what you can without losing your mind and try to compromise with loved ones about getting together. And open that wine :)
Natty85 Natty85 5 years
wine helps.. just try an pull through and do your best because that's all that you're capable of.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
The holidays are always a stressful time for couples. Talk to your sisters and let them know what kind predicament you are in. But relax.. the holidays are a time to be happy. Don't let it go to waste. =D
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