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Staying With Boyfriend Out of Loneliness

Sunday Confessional: I Stay With My BF to Avoid Being Alone

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

My boyfriend is exactly the sort of guy I don't want to end up with. But we've just celebrated our one year anniversary. . . . The truth is, I can't imagine not having a boyfriend; what I would do in the evenings all by myself, how I'd spend my time without planning things for us to do, what my incentive would be for dressing up and making an effort, how I'd feel without the frequent physical reassurance of a partner's attention. So I won't break it off, and if he continues not to want to . . . looks like it'll be the second year anniversary before we know it.

Read the whole confession here, and check out what else is going on in our community. Join it, share your posts or advice, and maybe we'll feature it here on Très!

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Join The Conversation
deepu56 deepu56 6 years
i remember mine reading your story.i had been in the situation sometime back.but luckily i came out of it and am a happy single now enjoying my life.i suggest you to come out of the thoughts that u cant stay can do lots of things for long as u r in that feeling you cant leave him.when u know he lies and u cant believe him.u need to come out of that relationship.there are lots of guys out there.u may meet the one who cares and loves u as much as u the starting it may be lonely.but with passing time u wont feel it and u will start enjoying your life as it has been made for u.just remember your happiness should never be linked to some other guys.u can be happy by yourself.take care
leonabanks leonabanks 7 years
I understand exactly how you feel. I am in the same situation. What I decided to do is go online to places like plentyoffish and eharmony and communicate with some folks from there. I leave my cell phone number so we can meet in a public place of course and I am now at a point where I am just collecting phone numbers so when I do leave my boyfriend I will have other hookups for companionship. Give it some thought.
forbiddenfruit forbiddenfruit 7 years
I have seen myself in this situation for the past weeks. I actually confessed to my best friend that i feel like Im only with my boyfriend because of the convenience. He was everything I wished my ex would be. So this is the reason why im sticking up. I love him, Yes, but is that all i want from him? I dont think so. I really think right now, Im only with him because i know i wont have to worry about what lies ahead in the future if we get married. He doesnt just sit around, he works his ass off as much as i do. So i was thinking, its really convenient, plus the orgasmic sex. Last night he just bid goodbye. And that he said he just couldnt do it anymore because he was busy and would get even busier in the next few months because hes graduating. He didnt want to hurt me further for not having enough time. I guess this i karma? DONT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN TO YOU. :) ♥
myfaircady myfaircady 7 years
This is how my kinda best friend is. I only say kinda because her boyfriend caused such a rift between us. She spends all of her time with him even though she knows he doesn't love her just because she feels lonely without a boyfriend. Hurts me because we were always so close. I've been in ldr for the past 7 months and will be for one more but I've barely seen her throughout it. It's been a time where I could have used some support. But I've understood it's all about how low she sees herself, so I've tried to boost her. Doesn't do much sadly. If this girl doesn't really want to be with the guy, she needs to maybe slowly break herself away from him. Spend time with friends because she might have friends that have been feeling neglected while she was with him. Time with friends is really the best way to move on from situations like this.
redchick152 redchick152 7 years
in the words of dear carrie bradshaw: "some people are settling down, some are settling, and some refuse to settle. for anything less than butterflies." although i'm single (sometimes loving it and sometimes hating it at certain times), i know that i do not want to waste one minute of my life with someone who doesn't make me completely happy.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 7 years
Wow, some people are being way too harsh! I think this is a more common problem than some people realize and I think it's great that you at least recognize that you're in a less-than-ideal relationship. That being said, I agree with a lot of what Betty Wayne has to say. Doing things alone can be just as fun as doing things with a significant other, if not more fun! Of course there are advantages to being in a relationship, but there are also advantages to being single.
AlyCarolina AlyCarolina 7 years
I also agree with Betty Wayne and Pistil that she has a depression and low self-esteem problem... Why would you do that to your self LIFE IS TO SHORT!!!! ENJOY IT... If you can't be alone get with friends and if you need some guy attention there are always other million of guys out there that you can hang out with and not have to have anything serious with (not saying be a ho).
marcied23 marcied23 7 years
^*jerry, but yeah, you're right, you're complete on your on
unspokenthoughts unspokenthoughts 7 years
It's because of Toby Maguire famous line "you complete me." now we feel incomplete just being by ourselves. You complete yourself! Your happiness shouldn't depend on others. It's really a matter of choice.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
You'll never feel happy with anyone until you can feel happy for yourself. Humans are not half a couple, they're whole people. Or at least they should be. There are many routes you can take for feeling like a whole person when not in a relationship and I hope that you can work up the courage to learn to respect and love yourself. You don't deserve misery, you deserve happiness. It's just up to you to find it!
totygoliguez totygoliguez 7 years
Some of you are being kind of cruel. The problem she has is a serious problem. I think she should seek counseling for her problem.
cdelaney cdelaney 7 years
I agree with Betty Wayne. However, it sounds like there are lot of issues at hand. According to the well-known saying: "You must love yourself before you can love another." It is so true. Many of my friends go from guy to guy to guy without ever being on their own, and ultimately, never figuring out who they truly are and what they want. My mom is getting divorced after 20 years of marriage--the story is too long and uninteresting for those not involved, but she is enjoying her alone time and discovering who she is and what she wants out of life. It is very freeing and necessary for all people--but especially women since we have been conditioned in a lot of ways to think we only have value when we are in a relationship. I think that most people think that all is well simply when you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. However, just because you are with someone doesn't mean you are happy or fulfilled. My mom has said many times that she'd rather be happy and single rather than miserable and attached. And I agree with her sentiment. Only you can make yourself happy. Just because you are single or feel "alone" doesn't mean that you are lonely. Good luck!
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
Ummm how exactly does she deserve it?! This girl clearly has self-esteem issues and comments like that are NOT helping. I used to be in your shoes a while back but one day I just accepted that no guy will be (or SHOULD be) the key to my happiness. Sure, they make us feel warm but we'll never be truly happy until we work on that ultimate relationship--the one we have with ourselves. Good luck hun :) Life is too short.
mix-tape mix-tape 7 years
You won't be happy until you are whole. That means work on yourself until you are comfortable being alone on a Friday night and comfortable just hanging out with friends. A man, or any another person, will never fulfill you. Until you learn that you will always be settling.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
Pistil Pistil 7 years
This sounds like a case of depression and low self-esteem. Go out and do something for yourself, by yourself. Nothing beats the feeling of accomplishment. You are awesome! You can do anything! A (good) boyfriend is nice to have, but it's certainly not a necessity. And start doing these things right now. The longer you stay in this relationship and this state of mind, the harder it's going to be. You don't want to waste another minute. Life is too short to be doing things that make your miserable.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 7 years
This is just sad. Go with Betty Wayne on this one.
lwimbush lwimbush 7 years
and how will you ever find someone you actually like and are happy with if you're attached to the hip with this guy? anyway, you seem like you need to figure out who you are by yourself before you're in relationship.
Blue24 Blue24 7 years
Oh God, I have a friend who's exactly like that! She can't bear being single for a minute and she is never single unless it's the guy who breaks up with her. Even when her boyfriends are complete losers(no job, living with their parents, their only activity going to the gym) AND don't treat her well, she still continues to see them. Betty's advice is spot on but I don't think the girl can change how the things are until she really wants to and is ready to change her way of thinking.
Stacey-Cakes Stacey-Cakes 7 years
I was thinking the same thing le romantique... This chick is never going to be happy, but she kinda gets what she deserves.
le-romantique le-romantique 7 years
How depressing. . .
picturemeurs picturemeurs 7 years
Betty wayne you put it perfectly.
Old-School Old-School 7 years
You don't seem like the kind of person who needs to worry about the future as much as the present. Ditch the player, and you'll be fine.
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