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Suddenly Single and Hate It

Group Therapy: Suddenly Single and Hating It

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

How do I get over it? I was in a long-term relationship that looked like it was heading towards marriage. At one point we were very much in love. To make a long story short things got emotionally abusive towards the end and ended quite badly. Accusations were flung on both sides-some true, some false and there has been a lot of hurt and anger. Compounded with financial issues and meddling family members, I knew we were headed in a direction we both didn't want, but couldn't overcome. I'm in my late 30s, but I look much, much younger and have been mistaken for a model, being tall and slim. I know I can attract a guy but feel pretty down finding myself single at this point in my life. I look at my girlfriends —some younger, some older — and I see them struggling with being in the "singles scene." It's only been a couple of months, but I don't like being single, after being part of a couple for so long. I know it's not true, but I feel a little pathetic.

I'm looking for a place so I can move out of my ex's house. We are both going on dates — he rebounded with someone but I can tell at the back of his mind he thought we would reconcile. He told me he did it because he had to try and get over me even though he wasn't over me. Also I think he wanted to hurt me because he believed I betrayed him in some way. I can tell he's not happy though and is as miserable as I am. His pride won't allow him to admit it, but I can tell he's depressed and my friends can tell. In the end he acted so badly that I know we need a break and I know I can't just take him back without some time and serious reflection between the two of us. I know if I take him back right away I'm setting a bad example, but I miss the relationship and honestly looking for a new home is discouraging with all of the bad, overpriced apartments out there. Maybe down the line we can work things out but I know we need time apart. How do I stay strong and not cave in? Because one day I think I'm OK and the next I feel like breaking down.

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Join The Conversation
jenjen1984 jenjen1984 5 years
I have also recently become single and the reason being; the guy just didn't give me everything I deserved, he was such an amzing person, but together it just didn't work. I'd like you to picture your most amazing self, with everything you want in a relationship.... you are now one step closer of getting it by being out of a relationship that wasn't right for you. Don't ever settle for less than all your heart's desires. You WILL meet that guy that would never ever dream of emotionally abusing you and you won't want to retaliate to him as he will bring out your most amazing qualities. He is out there - the longer time you waste thinking about something that wasn't quite right, the less time you'll have with the guy that IS right. And trust me, he is out there. Stay busy, keep your chin up, know that you're not alone and start putting YOURSELF first from now on. You will feel very good all in time. Time takes time, enjoy the journey Love from another newly single girl x
jennifer0605007 jennifer0605007 5 years
I became shockingly single myself this year and this is my advice. One day at a time. Keep busy. REALLY busy, schedule your days in advance so your not shocked with that "oh yeah its just me" feeling. Over time, you will be able to enjoy being by yourself. I think you should date also. This way you will find out that maybe there is someone else that you can get along with better. That there is someone out there isn't so difficult. And get out of that house. That is just torchure.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
I think you need to honestly assess whether you want to be with him, or if you just want to be in a relationship. Your preoccupation with whether or not he's actually happy tells m that you are not over him (which, by the way, is understandable) but it seems like your main objections to being single are primarily related to how hard it would be to find someone new. To me, the hierarchy of relationship happiness goes something like this: being in a solid relationship with a person who makes you a better person is the best, being single and being the best person you can be is in the middle, and being in a bad relationship with someone who brings out the worst in you is the worst. And even though you don't feel like a spring chicken out on the dating scene, it would be easier to find someone now than in a few more years. Just some food for thought.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
Don't look for love, it's going to find you when you least expect it. Keep yourself busy and take care of business in the meantime.
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