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Sunday Confessional: Can I Replace My Maid of Honor?

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I totally picked the wrong maid of honor. She has been completely uninvolved in my wedding planning process, whereas my other bridesmaids, particularly one of them, have been amazing. I want to ask my maid of honor to step aside, but I feel like she will throw a fit. But it's my wedding!!!

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Source: Flickr User billaday

Join The Conversation
Lucy-Hush Lucy-Hush 6 years
I agree with Rjs BG. The main focus should be your marraige and making a true committment to your fiance and not getting all upset over your bridesmaid situation because maybe someone is unable to dedicate time to catering to you. What's more important: all attention on you OR a celebration of a union? You seem to be surrounded by a good group of girls - do you really want to potentially cut someone who is important to you out of your life over something sooo silly? Take the high road.
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 6 years
What you need is a wedding planner. The bridal party is there to support you and enjoy this day with you, not to be your slaves. It's yours and your husband's decision to get married, so you two should organize your wedding. If you need help, hire a wedding planner, it's their job.
twilightzone twilightzone 6 years
Your right it is your wedding, but I have to say that I agree with Natalie Love. This isn't the time to all of sudden become a critique freak, learn how to use your voice. If hasn't been stepping up to the plate and she's still around, who's fault is it really? And now after all this time, and doing nothing but sitting on your ass comparing your friends, which one cares about you the most is what it adds up to. Get over yourself, and while your at take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself," what kinda of friend am," for not mentioning something before you passed judgement..
dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
Eh, how much work does she have to do? My maid of honor had a hard time just getting the dress, shoes and earrings that I wanted her to wear! I was happy to have here there, and the help? What help? She was there as a tribute to our friendship mostly. I would just keep the peace and if you really need something I'm sure she would step up to the plate for you. Remember its really a time for them to enjoy themselves as well. Its nice you have someone helping you out, but in my case I took care of everything I needed.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 7 years
Ugh! Get over yourself! Make the marriage your priority, not the wedding. You want to treat her like an employee, be prepared to lose the friendship. You don't seem to want to nurture the latter.
Yesi-Jukebox Yesi-Jukebox 7 years
I say give her a chance to redeem herself and prove that she can be a good maid of honor and if she doesn't step up to the plate let her know you need more help. If she's your friend at all she will understand that you need her help and she is not doing her part. If she doesn't take it well I guess she should have never been your maid of honor. If it's an easy transition and it must be done, go ahead and change her.
mix-tape mix-tape 7 years
A Maid of Honor, in my opinion, is your best friend, sister, cousin WHATEVER! Someone who you love and would want to stand by your side during such an important event. If she can't come through with all of the menial tasks the MOH is "suppose" to do, but someone else is picking up the slack then so be it! Unless the other bridesmaid is someone who is also a bestie in your life, I wouldn't rock the boat and cause unnecessary drama. Pull the helpful bridesmaid aside for a lunch or dinner, just you and her, and thank her for everything. Tell her you wouldn't have been able to accomplish so much and that if you'd known how people were going to act, you would have chosen her. No need to switch everything up. Planning a wedding is stressful as is, just leave things as they currently are.
dootsie dootsie 7 years
I think once you've asked, you've asked. You can only supplant her as Maid of Honor if you're willing to completely throw your friendship on the garbage heap. Feel free to ask her if there's something bothering her, or offer some suggestions of duties. Maybe she has no idea what a Maid of Honor is responsible for, or maybe she's planning stuff for much later than you're expecting it. Either way, if it's clear that she has no intentions of being the Maid of Honor you expect her to be, enlist someone else to tackle those duties. You should feel free to thank the people who DO step up to the plate for their hard work at the rehearsal dinner, if you're having one.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
You can talk to her about it, and give her an "out", just be prepared for some defensiveness on her part. One thing you can suggest is keeping her as a bridesmaid so that she will still be in the party, but promote one of your other bridesmaids who is helping more to be MOH. Who knows, once you talk to her, she may be more than happy to step up or relieved to step back. The other option, which I actually favor, is to just let it go....I get that it is your wedding, but in the big picture, does it really matter? Unless she is a heinous bitch, who really cares what everyone's label is, as long as you are enjoying the planning with your other friends. I know brides get really obsessive about their weddings, but sometimes they need to step back and look at the big picture....will it be worth the potential negative drama to make a big deal out of a less than perfect situation? Ultimately, that's what you have to decide.
idanceinmycar idanceinmycar 7 years
@Natalie Love - you took the words right out of my mouth! Going into the conversation without confrontation will put you both at ease I think.
Janine22 Janine22 7 years
I just think that doing that is completely unnecessary, unless it is really important for you to end your friendship with her and hurt her feelings. What is the point of doing that? If your other friend is stepping up, that is great.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 7 years
Perhaps you should have talk with your maid of honour, tell her some of the issues that are bothering you, in a non-accusing sort of way, see what she has to say. If she says she's willing to make an effort, give her specific things to do (Could you come here and there then?), if she claims she's busy, ask her if this amount of stress in her life will continue, and ASK her if she'd prefer the responsibility was shifted onto somebody else. Who knows, perhaps she realized she's got too little time now and is afraid to talk to you about resigning! Just be polite, realize some people's lives are hectic, and allow her to resign if she wants to, is what I'm saying. Not fits need to be thrown, just be adult about it.
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