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Sunday Confessional: I Accidentally Found My Engagement Ring

Dear Sugar,

Last weekend my boyfriend planned a trip to New York for our 4 year anniversary. He got us an expensive hotel and tickets to a Broadway show. I was thrilled to get away and do something special with him.

We had a great time enjoying the day on Saturday, then we went back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. He took a shower after me and I went into his suitcase to get his camera so I could take a picture of the view from our window. As I was digging through his clothes, I found a small box. I was in shock and thought for sure it was an engagement ring, but couldn't bare to open it for fear that it was something else.

I knew I couldn't keep this a secret because I'd be thinking about it all weekend, wondering if he was going to pop the question, and if he did, I wouldn't be able to pretend that I was surprised. But then I thought, what if he didn't propose, and chickened out of it?. Then again, what if it was just earrings or a necklace? Ugg, see what I mean??

I felt like knowing about that box was like lying to him, so I had to be honest. When he came out of the shower, I handed him the box and said "I found this." He was totally crushed. He grabbed the box out of my hand, opened it, got on one knee and proposed. Of course I said yes and we hugged and went out to dinner, but later that night he said, "Why didn't you just pretend you didn't see it? I really wanted to surprise you and you ruined it. This was supposed to be such a special moment and it wasn't."

I really couldn't have kept that secret to myself and I thought he'd appreciate me being straightforward. I really didn't think he'd be this upset since the bottom line is that we're engaged now. It's been a couple weeks now and he's still so torn up about it. Do you think this is forgivable?


Join The Conversation
demure20 demure20 9 years
First of all, Congrats! It sucks to say this but I really think its unforgivable...for now at least. He went through all that work of picking out the perfect ring, planning the surprise and everything in between... pretty much the whole 9 yards... for it all to have gone down the drain. It was selfish of you. You should have given him his moment of glory too. Then down the line tell him the truth. But in due time, you guys will look back and laugh. Don't stress he still loves you!
Seraphim Seraphim 9 years
hellooooooo you were honest! and putting that ring on your finger symbolizes that! he should really be thanking you for being open and honest about it :)
elmendoa elmendoa 9 years
he should re-propose. i mean, you don't want to remember that as the proposal? but then again, the man of your dreams asked you to marry him, and you said yes. you should both be happy.
lintacious lintacious 9 years
sure, the ring meant he was going to propose but you didnt know HOW he planned to propose! You still would have been surprised! Especially since you had an inkling he was going to anyway even before you found the ring. Besides, what a crappy story to tell the kids. "He proposed to me in a hotel room because I ruined the entire evening."
Daddisgrl Daddisgrl 9 years
Forgiving you because you have to live with this now. You will never have the memory of him actually following through on his plan and asking on his own. Ladies, if this happens to you, don't tell.
mrspiven mrspiven 9 years
i think his disappointment will subside, and the bottom line is you two have a memorable engagement. it will be a funny story soon enough. its over with, now you can enjoy knowing you're going to marry the man you love and you're going to spend your lives together.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
You have nothing to be forgiven for, it's not that deep nor should you be made to feel bad about it.
rubialala rubialala 9 years
Forgive. I feel bad for both of you. You were just trying to be honest, and he really wanted to surprise you. You are both so sweet. FYI, in the future, let you're hunny surprise you. I pay the bills at our house, so it is very difficult for hubby to surprise me. So I pretend when I need to. If I see on the bank account online that a purchase has been made at a local flower store, I totally act surprised and gush when I get flowers at my desk. They are really trying to love on you, so you can't ruin it.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
I do not quite understand why you could not keep it to yourself since you knew he had made all this effort and planning. I agree with Jennifer 76 you should have thought of his feelings and not of yourself. I do think you should apologize and remind him you did say yes and get him involved in other things so that he forgets. I wouldn't say unforgivable just thoughtless.
laurarose520 laurarose520 9 years
He'll get over it. It might have been a good idea to wait a little before telling him, but what's done is done. You're engaged! Enjoy it.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I guess forgiveable but I don't understand why you HAD to tell him that you found it. I mean you weren't lying and now you will never know what he actually had planned.
nettefairy nettefairy 9 years
Keeping your mouth shut can be called tactful - not dishonest. *Sigh* it's not unforgivable but you should have played a long!
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 9 years
awww that's unfortunate that you didn't get the surprise like he intended, but congrats on the engagement! I personally would have just acted like I didn't know anything- I don't want him to think I was looking for it nor do I want to ruin his plans. Plus, it could have been something else non-jewelry related and you could have been crushed!
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
I think it's a bummer that you didn't at least TRY to keep it a secret. So what if you tried and failed? At least you would have made an effort. He went to a lot of trouble to do something special for you and you couldn't be bothered to even try to protect his feelings. That makes me sad.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
He is crushed becuase he went to all those great lengths to make it special and everything he had in his head to be special was ruined. Hey, whatever. Its in the past now and at least you were honest. If I were you, I would plan a special suprise for him! Then it might break the ice and let things go :)
kendalheart kendalheart 9 years
Well it stinks that surprise was ruined but it's totally forgivable and like others have said, in the long run it won't matter. Congrats.
Jeng112 Jeng112 9 years
Hye, you didn't know what was in the box. He shouldn't make you feel bad for being honest. I think pretending to be surprised after you already saw it would have been a bigger deception.
SugarFreak SugarFreak 9 years
Definitely Forgive BUT you really should have kept it zipped. I knew my now-husband was going to propose to me but I found out how and where via his email that he accidentally left open. Not only was the place (Martha's Vineyard) a surprise--I thought we were going to Maine, but the whole purpose (the proposal) was a secret. To make matters worse, once we got there, almost the same exact thing happened to me. He was in the shower and wanted something from his bag. I was trying to keep the fact that I knew his secret a secret, but I went into the wrong bag! Ugh! I saw the ring and I was so overwhelmed. The good news is, that he proposed in our room shortly after in a very romantic way. BUT...I kept my mouth shut because I KNEW how hard he worked on this weekend and I love him enough to know that if I told him I knew about it all, it would have devastated him. Sometimes you have to know when to be honest and when to zip it because the situation is much bigger than just you. I knew that this moment was supposed to be special not just for me, but for him also. If I selfishly told him to get it off of my chest, I would have ruined not only my special night, but his too. And what if he didn't propose? Well, you knew he had a jewelry box and it was going to be for you...just go with the flow. No need to ruin an important moment in both of your lives just because you needed to get something off of your chest. THAT was not the time...
Schaianne Schaianne 9 years
I say forgivable ... but I understand your fiancee's reaction. I know he didn't want you to lie ... he just had such high hopes/expectations of what is a BIG deal! He'll be fine eventually. Congratulations, btw!!
amordechiot amordechiot 9 years
Girl, shoot, you did the right thing. I know he's crushed but what? He really wants you to PRETEND and lie?! and ongratulations :)
lms lms 9 years
It is forgivable but unfair to him. I would definitely have let him present it to me on his own time. When my husband proposed I kind of expected it that weekend. He was asking me questions about diamonds a few weeks prior. It was still romantic even though I had an idea. I doubt that you would have had a fake reaction towards him.
reese05 reese05 9 years
You should have jusy kept mum about it and let him do his proposal on his own time. Anyways, you can just tell him after his proposal that you sort of tumbled upon the ring...but AFTER the proposal which gave him the chance to do his own thing.
PrincessTracy PrincessTracy 9 years
Congrats!! COMPLETELY forgivable!! You're engaged aren't you??! Not sure why you told him you found it..I would have held it in, but was right's not like you waited until he was in the shower and ripped the room apart....he left it in a common space....he should have guarded it with his life!! It's still fairytale-ish....I'm :) Everything is fine!! Don't stress over this cuz I'm sure you'll have enough stress planning the wedding :) Enjoy the calm before the storm.
Joy77 Joy77 9 years
My engagement was a nightmare. It was Xmas and my man had been acting shady for quite awhile. Working extra hours, pretending like he was going to the gym but never having any sweaty clothes when he came home. Turned out he was working extra shifts to buy me an insanely expensive ring and the gym trips were really to jewelry stores. I didn't know that... He wanted me to go to the park with him and our dog Beau but it was cold and DECEMBER in Oregon. I refused to go. That was where he wanted to propose (swear to god) but I was busy getting ready to go visit my family and at my wits end. We had a huge fight later and that was when he busted out the ring. See? A nightmare engagement. My husband is clueless but I love him anyway. He didn't need to buy me such an expensive rock, all he had to do was ask nicely. I wish he had put a little bit of effort into making the proposal a special occasion.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
tragedy! to think they don't have the PERFECT engagement story to tell. wow, obviously this relationship is doomed! seriously, life isn't perfect. the way you get engaged isn't important and i question the emotional maturity of any one who thinks it is. the marriage is what is important. if your guy is a "little" let down that things didn't go as they did in his imagination, okay. but anything more than that and i would be concerned that this is a person with unrealistic expectations who cannot roll with unexpected happenings. who would want to tell a fake story their whole life "oh then he TOTALLY surprised me!" after the 50th time telling it you're already hating the question.
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