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Sunday Confessional: I Crossed the Line

For some time now, my friend has been talking about a guy she referred to as her "friend with benefits." She has stated again and again that she doesn't like him as more than that, but she also feels very territorial over him — basically she doesn't like it if he flirts with other women. I finally met him at party, and it turned out we had gone to college together and actually knew a few of the same people. We ended up exchanging numbers so he could contact me the next time he went out with our mutual friends.

He texted me the next weekend when I was out, and we met up. After way too many drinks, we both ended up back at my place, and though we didn’t have sex, it was not an innocent sleepover. Afterwards, I felt awful since I knew that I didn’t like him like that. To make matters worse, the next time I spoke with my friend she told me that she had started having more serious feelings for him.

Meanwhile, he was still texting me. I told him that he needed to stop, and I decided to confess to my friend, if for no other reason than to warn her that this guy wasn’t someone she should pursue. She was furious, and now she won’t talk to me. I feel terrible, but I’m just not sure this warrants being cut out of her life. Do I deserve to be forgiven for crossing the line with her "friend"?

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pixelsugar pixelsugar 9 years
I think you should definitely be forgiven. She didn't start claiming she had more serious feelings for him until after you 'crossed the line'- I think she needs to grow up. Basically, it sounds like she was just using him. It seems that she wanted the benefits of having a boyfriend, but didn't want one- therefore, she has no right to be jealous of him flirting with other women.
naghma naghma 9 years
i think your offense was forgiveable. i'm amazed at how nasty some of these other comments are.
geebers geebers 9 years
Im undecided. On the one hand your friend claims she was not interested but on the other hand- you should never have let it go as far as it did. So I dont know if I can forgive or not. I think if my friend did this to me it would be rather hurtful and not something I could forgive for a long time.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
but if you do the FWB, just be aware of who you are, and if you really can have sex with the guy and not get attached. don't be the girl who all of a sudden wants more, and expects the guy to see you more than "Thurday and every other Saturday Night Nookie".
Thank you!!!
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
i'm not knocking FWB, but what kind of girl wants to screw a guy, knowing he also screws GOD KNOWS WHO. EEEEEEEWWWW. yeah, you wear condoms, but he's probably screwin' some girl who wears a bad weave, or has 4 kids and 5 different baby-daddies (shakes head). you just never know. i don't like that. my puch-ma (vagina) is worth millions to me. so i'm not just gonna give it to a guy who sees it as tonight's booty-call, and then go to some other girl and treat her the same way. i don't blame the guys.they are men, they know not what they do.(lol) but if you do the FWB, just be aware of who you are, and if you really can have sex with the guy and not get attached. don't be the girl who all of a sudden wants more, and expects the guy to see you more than "Thurday and every other Saturday Night Nookie".
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
i forgive you. you said that you didn't have sex, but there was other stiff right? ok. so you got drunk. you made a mistake. your friend told you that she didn't dig the guy any further than sex. she's probably just mad that he was into you and not her that night. it's not that serious. you knew the guy before she did, so there was an already established relationship. the fact that you confessed showed that you are a good friend, because you could've kept this a secret. i mean, guys who have multiple chickies don't talk because he don't wanna mess up his line-up. you friend is one of those girls who are like 17 year old girls who want to do grown up things, but can't deal with grown up problems. i wonder how she would've felt if you use to screw homeboy back in college. LMAO. she probably would've keyed your car, lol.
princessAlexi princessAlexi 9 years
I think you should be forgiven, the fact that you felt so bad about it that you ended up confessing to your friend shows what a good friend you are and that you were truly repentant, thus showing that it would not happen again. I think that had you not told your friend and she found out another way and confronted you would have shown that you didn't really feel that bad about it and there would be a possibility of you betraying her again in the future. I'm sure she'll realize how much she loves you as a girlfriend and come to her senses and not let this dirtbag come between the two of you. xoxo
bastille_75 bastille_75 9 years
Totally forgivable!!!!
BRANDYNICOLE730 BRANDYNICOLE730 9 years
She's probably pissed because she's thinking you didn't need to mess around with him to prove to her that he was no good. That's my guess.
fashion-addict fashion-addict 9 years
it's not your fault. plus, she is your friend. she should be more understanding. especially when she didn't really have feelings for him (or she didn't let you know) until the deed was done. so don't blame yourself.
Stella10 Stella10 9 years
Not Forgive, Are you kidding? FWB, of course she likes him DUH! You should know better!
deedee0782 deedee0782 9 years
EW!!! forgive me for being blunt but did it not disgust you that this man's penis was recently ON, AROUND, and IN your FRIEND recently while you were doing whatever you were doing with it? that in itself is enough of a reason to NOT go near him. Nasty, seriously. Having good girlfriends is really hard sometimes and you are one of the types of girlfriends that I would NEVER want to have. What you did was solely based on your competitve feelings towards you friend. Why else would you hook up with some random guy you admittedly do not care one ounce for, but that you know your friend is messing around with? You didnt tell her because you felt guilty, you wanted her to know so that she knows you have one up on her. I would not only vote not forgive, I would cleanse you from my life completely. You are not a good friend.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I can't decide. Please for the love of God everyone stop using the excuse that I had too much to drink everytime you screw-up. Yes you made a mistake and it is clearly obvious that she was not being honest with her feelings about this guy, the fact that she gets jealous if he flirts. You would have been better off keeping your mouth shut all it did is make you feel better. Hopefully, you have learned your lesson and know never to do this again.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
Ouch- not forgive. You knew very well where it was going when you exhanged numbers with him AND you knew very well that your friend liked him more than that.
KrissyThePirate KrissyThePirate 9 years
Not forgive--You knew she was at the very least hooking up with him, and that the two did have a friends with benefits situation. You took that first step and exchanged numbers with him. No matter what the relationship, friends' guys are just off limits, period. You went out with him with prror knowledge of this--you may feel bad--but I know I couldn't forgive you.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
FWB or not, the way i see it, hes somewhat "her guy". and that means u have to back off. u did cross the line. and i can see why she's upset.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
It's forgivable in due time. If I were your friend, and I was territorial, I can understand her being upset (can't help feeling upset despite that technically they're not 'together'), but again...FORGIVE (eventually). P.S. I'd NOT MESS with anyone of my friends's FWB, it's kind of eww for me. If I'm interested, I'd probably wait until like...their FWB ended for a LONG time (years even!).
mguy414 mguy414 9 years
This actually happened to me when I was in high school and my friend was so mad at me, first she had given me "permission" to do things with a guy who was not only a great friend of mine, but my ex, and whom she would not know if I had not introduced them. She said that I "should have known when she said it was okay, that it really was not okay." Suffice to say we made up in about 3 months and it is, without a doubt, the dumbest thing I ever went through in my high school career. I vote forgive. If it is strictly FWB then yes she can feel jealous when he flirts with other girls but she can't do anything about it unless she confesses to him that she feels deeper feelings and wants something more.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
I agree with Marci.
BLO BLO 9 years
I forgive her.
Deidre Deidre 9 years
The fact that you told her shows true maturity on your part. Give her some time, she'll eventually come around.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
Again, girls are a funny thing. It's okay if she hooks up with him and moans and whines about her 'feelings', but if someone else has him, she wants to get all butt hurt. I doubt she'll have the audacity to chastise other girls for hooking up with him. She's only nothing and no one to be getting upset over who he sleeps with. I dare her to go get upset with him over his behavior. I dare her. I laugh when girls treat themselves as nothing but pieces of a$$ and then get angry about how they're treated. Her anger is misplace(her friend), and then it's mistaken(the guy). Frankly, guys who hook up with girls randomly, turn me off. I reckon emotional involvement is not something that just anyone can do.
girlgreen girlgreen 9 years
even if they didn't have any kind of relationship, your friend had feelings for this guy and you hooked up with him. and you didn't even like him. eww. why did you do that? i wouldn't forgive you either. that's just mean. if you were just horny why not find someone else to get with?
NYYPrincess NYYPrincess 9 years
I agree with Marci.
frieddumpling frieddumpling 9 years
Not forgive. You were well aware of your friend's feelings. I also don't see the guy as the bad guy as he was not in a relationship (thus okay to hook up with you) and not aware of the feelings your friend has for him (unlike you obviously did). I don't think you're much of a friend to her - or else you would be more considerate (considering you didn't even like the guy! maybe you crave the attention but at the expense of a friend?!). If I was in her shoes, I would do give you the same silent treatment!
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