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Sunday Confessional: I Didn't Call Her Back

Sunday Confessional: I Didn't Call Her Back

A few weekends ago, I took a girl out on a date. By the time we left dinner, I had had a glass of wine and she’d had three cocktails. At the bar, she proceeded to get completely drunk, and within an hour of us getting there, she couldn't keep her hands off me. She was a beautiful girl, don't get me wrong, but it was incredibly unattractive to see her throwing herself at me in her drunken state. I decided it just wasn’t working out and convinced her to leave.

I took her home and she tried to coerce me inside. Call me old-fashioned, but I’m not the kind of guy who has sex on the first date, especially with someone who wouldn't even remember it the next day. I left as fast as I could and when she called the next day, I didn’t call her back.

Last weekend I saw her at a mutual friend's party. We made eye contact and I gave her a half nod to be polite. She walked over to me and started yelling about how horrible of a man I was and how I abandoned her when she was too drunk to see straight. I was shocked. She totally put me on the spot and I don't think I did anything wrong. Should I be forgiven for not staying with her or calling her the next day?

Source

InfernalMari InfernalMari 9 years
You should've called, but I'm a little alarmed by these comments. Not raping a woman is not cause for praise. "Good job, Billy, you didn't take advantage of a woman too drunk to give consent! That makes you perfect and too good for a drunken slut like her!" is the general feeling I'm getting just from the first page, and I don't like it. But on the whole, forgive.
0danielle0 0danielle0 9 years
She's the one who should have apologized to you!
tinyspark tinyspark 9 years
She has the problem, not you. You did just fine!
cubadog cubadog 9 years
This girl is insane. She is the one that should be apologizing and she could have left that on your voicemail. You were under no obligation to call her back unless you were calling to say I never want to see again. The I was drunk excuse does not work for me, if your old enough to drink than you should be responsible enough to know when to say when. She is not in high school anymore!
plasticapple plasticapple 9 years
Like someone else said, it sounds like you dodged a huge bullet with this one. She doesn't sound like the type of girl you'd want a relationship with. Not just because she got drunk, that's forgivable. But the fact that she caused a scene at the party, that's a huge red flag. Even if she felt wronged, she should have spoken with you in private about it.
diazy diazy 9 years
The only thing you did wrong is not call her. Your behavior the night sounds gentlemanly. She was probably calling to explain why she behaved that way and because you didn't call back probably making things worse, maybe you could just apologize for the fact you didn't call back it wouldn't be good if she becomes bitter it might just have more side effects especially if you have the same friends. ;) good luck
Tokyosugar Tokyosugar 9 years
You are the one with more class here! She is the fool! Good job! Not many men would be so well behaved as you! Kudos!
millarci millarci 9 years
You really shouldn't be asking for forgiveness because you did nothing wrong. In fact, you were a 100% gentleman and you're a rare breed. You didn't take advantage of the situation and you made sure she got home okay. Good for you. Don't worry about it.
Shopaholichunny Shopaholichunny 9 years
ignore her. she was a drunken mess. You did the RIGHT thing. :)
yoan190 yoan190 9 years
In my opinion, you didn't do anything wrong.
miosotis miosotis 9 years
Ops, TFS. The guy is asking if he should be forgiven for not calling the girl.
TFS TFS 9 years
DONT FORGIVE. she should be flattered that shes met a half decent guy who isnt going to take advantage of her like 98% of guys would in that situation. get rid of her and find a decent girl.
bastille_75 bastille_75 9 years
Forgive!!! I completely agree with the above posters!!! I would however add that if you told her that you would call then it's just polite and good manners to call - but if you did not mention it to her then she really doesn't have any reason for being upset. It does sound like you have very good judgment!!! Good for you for being a good judge of character and being responsible. Dating is the worse!!! My friend constantly reminds me though, that dating is one of the really horrible activities that has the potential to go really really well and possibly find the one person who you will share the rest of your life with and in the meantime we keep going on dates and eliminating those who we definitely do not want to share our lives. Good Luck!!!
amerikanbeanhead amerikanbeanhead 9 years
you didn't do anything wrong! you did exactly the right thing. If anything she should be on here asking for forgiveness
trésjolie1 trésjolie1 9 years
You just dodged a bullet. This girl is a nut, and just keep as far away as possible. Make sure your close friends know the full story, so they can defend you if she starts spreading her crap on to people around you. There are a ton of great girls out there, who can behave and know how to drink responsibly. Don't fret another second about this one.
Pistil Pistil 9 years
Forgive. I agree that calling her back would have given her false hope. You had your mind made up about her. Even if she was calling to apologize, you don't owe her a second chance. And even if you called her back to explain yourself, it's likely that you still would have had that confrontation.
Jude-C Jude-C 9 years
Don't think you did anything wrong. Actually, considering that you seem to feel guilty about not calling the crazy lady, you sound like a very nice guy.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
never met a man that would turn down sure chance sex. if you'd called her back it would have been when she was sober. never met a man that gave not calling a woman back a second thought, never met a man that would need to talk abnout it with a bunch of women. 3 strikes dude. think about it.
Jeny Jeny 9 years
Ick how embarrassing.. not for her FOR YOU! I despise girls who drink and get retarded like that. It's likely she was just getting over someone else and that's why she was throwing herself at you.. Regardless.. it's tacky and she didn't deserve a good boy like you
Meike Meike 9 years
Yeah, it is a good point that what he did is what all men should do but let's face it, the amount of men out there who wouldn't take advantage of a woman in that situation is somewhat of a rarity. The actions the OP took is becoming less of a norm. And thus, I will stand by and praise every gentleman with good character. An average man would have just gotten himself laid because he could.
mrskrismendoza mrskrismendoza 9 years
Forgive. She sounds like a bitch.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
Poster of a Girl--yeah it made me kind of wonder if the guy asking just wanted some congratulations for being a nice guy. The person who voted not forgive and commented-good point about the whole we shouldn't be so amazed at the guy for not essentially date-raping her. Very good point!! It's sad how much credit he gets just for not being a scumbag. I think a lot of people got confused with this question, it was asking whether or not to forgive him for not calling her back, not for not taking advantage of her. I mean, still, I don't think you HAVE to call someone after such a very bad date though! That's why I would say forgive. I would not call a guy back who had acted like that.
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 9 years
There is nothing to forgive here.. which makes me wonder why you are even asking....
sass317 sass317 9 years
Shes pissed bc you rejected her, you did nothing wrong and Im sure all your mutual friends would agree. I imagine she felt really stupid the next day and that on top of being mad that you werent interested made her lash out at you trying to make herself out to be the victim. (if anyone was actually buying that crap I imagine you would have mentioned it in your post) Personally, after so many years of dating jerks and then FINALLY finding a guy that is a real gentleman like you (and marrying him) I think you should be applauded for being a nice guy- dont give that trashy drunk another thought.
miosotis miosotis 9 years
You did nothing wrong. It would be more interesting if she were asking here if yelling at you at the party is forgivable. I don't know anything about "dating rules", but I don't think you had to call her back. It was pretty clear how bad the date was. A few people here voted "Not to forgive". I wonder why (there is just one comment supporting this position).
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