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Sunday Confessional: I Didn't Tell Him the Condom Broke

Sunday Confessional: I Didn't Tell Him the Condom Broke

I recently went off the pill because my husband and I want to start trying to get pregnant this Spring. I thought it would be a good idea to let my body adjust, so we've been using condoms ever since. Though I've been ready for a while now, my husband wants to wait until we're more financially stable, which I completely understand.

One night last month while we were having sex, I kept thinking to myself that it didn't feel like the condom was still on — it just felt too good. When he took it off, he didn't say anything so I just assumed it was still intact. I went to the bathroom to freshen up and checked the trash, just in case, and I was right — the condom had torn. Something inside of me got excited — there was now a possibility that I could become pregnant!

I didn't say anything to him about that night, and just this morning, I realized my period was late. I took a pregnancy test and it showed I am in fact pregnant! I'm thrilled, but at the same time, I'm guilt ridden for not being honest. The current state of the economy has made us even more financially unstable and I'm petrified to tell my husband this news. I would hate to think that he would have wanted me to take the morning after pill, so my train of thinking is what he won't know won't hurt him. Is it forgivable to keep my knowledge of the broken condom my little secret?


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meechie meechie 8 years
I agree with the first comment if HE took the condom off why would YOU be in a position to confess? If you are pregnant he can refer to the memory of taking off a torn condom if anything HE should have been the one to confess.
calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
oh yeah and CONGRATULATIONS!! :D
calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
what could u have possibly done? u found out only when u got his sperm inside right? what difference would it make? maybe he knows too. hes the one who threw it away. he would know if the condom broke more than u. it was on his thing after all. dont feel guilty at all. u didnt do a single bit wrong
alexask alexask 8 years
girl this is some complicated stuff i forgive you
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
Look, if you're not planning on having kids, you make sure you don't go there obviously? Condoms = 85% effective? Condoms are rubber, rubber breaks, stuff leaks. They didn't want a sperm leak, so he should have checked too. Just as she should have told him because he has every right to know what's going on. They could have discussed it. Remember, not telling is just as the same as being dishonest, I'm sure trust was broken, but there's a bigger picture everyone's forgetting, there's a baby involved here, however they feel about it, they have to decide if they want to have this baby or not, and well, this incident has to be put behind them if they're going to have the baby, or they run the risk of this child having on their mind "I was a mistake," it doesn't always affect the child negatively, but that's not something you want on their mind. This is forgivable, it's not like she went and had sex with some other guy, hides the cheat, and then comes back to her husband and says it was the condom that broke. I mean really...not forgive for having a baby together? El oh el, that's rather silly.
reeeeka reeeeka 8 years
"Well, he took the condom off.... how wouldn't he have noticed? That confuses me... maybe he figured "Oh well" and didn't want to worry you? He could have kept it hidden too? It just seems like he would have definitely seen it was torn when he took it off... lol - it would have been leaking all over his hands?" My thoughts EXACTLY!
L7amiguita L7amiguita 8 years
I don't know why you didn't just ask your husband if he knew that it broke (which he likely did!). Big deal, you guys are married and he knew you were off the pill. I agree with what Lovelee said: " just tell him you noticed it was torn that nite but figured he must have noticed since he took it off. if u keep it to yourself its gonna become bigger to you than it already is." Anyways, congratulations! :)
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Condoms fail, big deal. I think condoms are actually around 80% effective in actuality because of all the people who use them incorrectly! It may not have been that session where you got pregnant, it could have been one where the condom just failed without breaking! He did take it off but some guys just roll them off and toss them away without even looking at it. If he was paranoid about having a kid then he'd check it and then ask you to take the morning after pill, surely? I did vote "not forgive" though because you acted selfishly and against the wishes of your husband when you realised the condom had split and didn't tell him to pull out. Since you are SO fertile you managed to conceive after your first "try" so congratulations for that... many people are not so lucky. I think there is a massive communication problem going on here. Coming to a site like this before speaking to your husband and telling him the news is not really acceptable in a marriage that is soon going to be welcoming a baby. I wouldn't tell him you knew the condom split. Maybe HE knew the condom split, maybe he didn't. Either way you are now both pregnant and have a baby to prepare for. Really the only thing that is important here is the BABY so talk to your HUSBAND and tell him he is going to be a daddy.
Mykie7 Mykie7 8 years
I'm sure he noticed it when he took it off and didn't want to worry you. I say forgive. You're married, and you want to have kids, it's just happening about 6 months sooner than you expected. I'm sure he'll be thrilled. There may be some initial apprehensiveness, but there always is when a pregnancy comes about unexpectedly. Sit him down, be HONEST with him, and take it from there.
Calimie Calimie 8 years
Oops, I meant: "That's the feeling I get"
Calimie Calimie 8 years
And yet, I think that lying about the price of that dress (if it happens all the time) is much worse that this. Maybe because it's only happened once, it's unlikely that it will happen again with the next baby and because I think that she was just waiting to see if she was pregnant at all before telling everything. If she had got her period like normal, she might have brought the subject up, right? That's the feeling I guess, that she saved him the uncertainty. No point getting worried about something that might not happen at all and that, in a few days, you'll find out if it's happened or not.
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
I'm sorry I still think a baby and pregnancy deserves nothing less than honesty. It's the most important task that you will take on in your life, being a mother, it deserves more than white lie. If you go shopping for a new dress and tell him it's half price, I don't have a problem, But not to give a full picture when you're pregnant, sorry it creeps me out big time.
Calimie Calimie 8 years
He did want to wait (until the Spring) but he *knew* she had stop taking pills. He knew because they had been using condoms ever since. It was also his responsibility to check the condom three times. For all we know, he knew what happened and didn't tell her so as to not worry her. After all, it didn't have to mean she would get pregnant, so it would only cause her undue worry and that worry could mess up with her period. I do think honesty is a great thing but there's something as too much honesty. White lies, in some cases, are a good thing. Besides, this case wouldn't be so much as a outright lie as an omission. It's not as if she took the morning-after pill at his back or as if she's now looking for a doctor to get an abortion at his back. I just think this whole situation is not as bad as she or you are presenting. If she tells him about the broken condom and he flips out, I think he would be overblowing it out of proportion, imo.
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
She's stopped taking the pills but he didn't want a baby! He wanted to wait. He wasn't sure if they were ready. Listen if they're happy right now (which I suspect they might be) good for them! Yep my circumstance was very different but I would not hold back on the torn condom. Honesty is a foundation to a marriage, especially when it comes to something likes this, it's a baby! It's a life they're bringing into this world, surely a fresh honest start works better than a white lie? At the end of the day she will do whatever she wants, she might lie? she might tell the truth? or they might separate? or they might celebrate? I wouldn't lose any sleep over this (not that i think you might-don't take it the wrong way)
Calimie Calimie 8 years
I'm with MissJule. There's no need to talk about the broken condom. There was no need to mention it then (and I'm pretty sure he noticed and didn't told her to avoid worry). A simple: "I missed my period and checked and look at this!" would do. It's not about honesty. She wasn't being shelfish and horrible by not telling him about it. Now that the news are sure, it's the moment they can share, that their baby is coming.
Calimie Calimie 8 years
Bluesteseyes: your pregnancy scare was a completely different situation from this. You didn't want a baby, they did. Only their timing is a bit off. She had stopped taking the pill to start preparing her body for that precisely: getting pregnant.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
and i wouldn't mention anything about the broken condom because he'd be like why didn't you mention it and then maybe you'll get into an argument because he knew as well and didn't mention it. just tell him youre pregnant. it doesn't really matter why it happened. you had sex and it happened. no need to go over that moment.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
he had to take the condom off and since you agreed with him on waiting til the spring maybe he was too nervous to bring it up to you that something had happened. theres no way you can notice it was torn and he didn't. but now whats done is done and you wanted to get pregnant eventually. its not ideal circumstances but a few months is a few months and you still have time to get things in order before the baby comes. in the meantime, congratulations to both of you!!
karlotta karlotta 8 years
I have trouble imagining he didn't realize the condom broke too. Even if you guys didn't talk about it, you can just assume it was obvious to both of you. I think you should just say - "you remember that night the condom broke? - well, I'm pregnant." And take it from there. No need to go into details about going into the trash - you can just say you noticed it felt different, and looking back, it's obviously what happened. The real issue isn't who noticed and who didn't - it's that you're pregnant a bit ahead of schedule. Which is really no tragedy in itself! It's a baby! It's good news! Congratulations :)
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
And we've been together for 10 years.
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
Yep I have had a pregnancy scare and we talked about it, as it's turned out I wasn't pregnant. I told my partner immediately and we did the test, negative. Bravo to us! cause we weren't ready. Is it wrong for a woman not to want a baby?
carrie7 carrie7 8 years
I said forgive. you can usually tell if a condom was broke or not but I guess not always. Sometimes a small rip wouldn't be felt. What you really need instead of people writing you nasty comments is support. Spring is only a couple of months away anyway, who says the economy is going to get any better and if you want the baby, which you do, then you will make it work. I wouldn't say anything about going through the rubbish but tell him! I'm sure he will be thrilled! Congrats!
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 8 years
bluesteyes, that was uncalled for. Have you never had a pregnancy scare? People hide things yeah, and unplanned pregnancies do occur (hell, my sister was one, my best friend was another, and so was my ex!) she's just freaking out at the moment, thats all. They want children so it's a blessing in disguise at the moment. OP I said forgive, he will find out your pregnant one way or another, but he's your husband, he'll love you regardless. You're only keeping it because you don't want him to freak out and your worried, which is understandable, but you've got to tell him soon before he finds out by way of morning sickness.
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