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Sunday Confessional: I Got Too Comfortable With My Boyfriend's Dad

Sunday Confessional: I Got Too Comfortable With My Boyfriend's Dad

My boyfriend and I have been living together the past two years. Recently his parents visited from out of town to see my boyfriend and his two sisters. They were here for a few weeks, so the siblings decided to take turns hosting and showing them around. Since I've known them for some time now, we've grown quite close and I was looking forward to our time together. As it turned out, we hosted them at our house for the final leg of the trip, and even though we'd had a great time so far, I was stressed out and exhausted.

One night, when trying to get dinner on the table for the entire group, my boyfriend's father came in to help me. The gesture was nice, but I just wanted to have the kitchen to myself. He wouldn't take no for an answer so I put him in charge of the salad. When I handed him the cucumber, he said he was sure my boyfriend was allergic to it. I assured him he wasn't and instead of believing me, he went in the other room and asked him. When he came back he said, "You're right. He's not allergic", I completely snapped, and replied, "I know. I already told you that, remember?!" My tone was very harsh, and I immediately felt terrible.

I apologized, and he was gracious, but afterward, things were strained. Obviously I showed him a side he hadn't seen before — one I usually only have when dealing with my own parents. They're back home now, but I still feel awful, and I can't stop beating myself up for being so rude to my potential father-in-law. Can I be forgiven for my snippy comment?


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calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
damn, i thought u made out with ure guys dad. lol i voted no for another reason. because there was really no reason to be pissed at the dad. u need to keep ure cool girl.
daniwani114 daniwani114 8 years
I;d probably feel bad too, but sometimes you just have to remember that no one is perfect and its ok to make mistakes. Personally, when I do things like that or think I;ve made someone upset unintentionally, I write them an email or a text or something appologizing. It just makes mee feel like I've righted my wrong
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
Hahahha, I thought something sexual happened with the dad too!!! LOL LOL! Forgive, it's no bid deal, like others have said, we're all human and it happens. And you did the right thing, you apologized right away, there is nothing more to do.
LadyLiLa83 LadyLiLa83 8 years
I also thought something dirty. Shame on me! I think snapping at someone is just something everyone does. Forgive and forget it. It happens!
CYL CYL 8 years
LMAO..I also thought 'too comfortable' was like make out and hugged to tightly or something...let's it go. IT happens...
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
all I have to say, is that was NOT the story i was expecting from the title of the post....
margokhal margokhal 8 years
sundaygreen, I think maybe what GlowingMoon is referring to is this statement in the OP: "Obviously I showed him a side he hadn't seen before — one I usually only have when dealing with my own parents." I asked the same question of whether this statement meant that the OP was *normally* snippy with her own parents, or just that she never blows up like that at anyone *besides* her parents. I know if I got *any* sort of temper or said a comment like that in that situation with *my* parents, whether I meant to or not, it would have promptly been follwed up with a spanking [if I was younger] or a possible hit or slap in the face [if it was me now, I'm also in my twenties], things that we as kids learned to try to avoid at all costs. Yeah, people make mistakes - but that doesn't mean there aren't consequences. Where I come from [I realize this may not be true for everyone else; there's some cultural influence in this], you speak to your parents and other family authorities with respect NO MATTER WHAT. You can go huff if you must, but you don't *dare* talk to them like that, roll your eyes at them, groan or grunt where they can still see or hear you. It may seem kind of harsh - but my parents explained their reasoning, and I understand and respect that. It doesn't mean I don't ever get REALLY angry at them or blow up at them, I'm human - I just suffer the consequences for doing so...and I *definitely* wouldn't want to make those kinds of things a regular occurence. I'm *not* saying that the OP is a bad person/monster for blowing a happens, true, we blow up at other people and she's profusely apologized for it, so that's probably water under the bridge. On the other hand, it would seem a little crazy to me to be like that with your OWN parents - it isn't worth the consequences.
Angela123 Angela123 8 years
I think it's completely forgivable, and the fact that you are so concerned about it certainly shows that you realize it was out of line and that is not how you normally treat your boyfriend's parents. Stressful situations lead to stress which leads to shortened fuses, I do the same thing myself! It seems to me like the apology you already made rectified the situation, but expressing your ongoing regret would certainly not hurt :)
sundaygreen sundaygreen 8 years
GlowingMoon I think there's a big difference between being rude to your s/o's parents all the time, and making one slip of the tongue (especially if the situation is stressed, or if you're close enough to their family to warrant something like this). Honestly, I think the OP is nice enough a person judging by how bad she obviously feels - so there's no need to make her out to be some kind of monster. And that comment, 'Are you saying you're normally rude to your parents??". Who hasn't been snippy with their own parents! I can't count the number of times my mom or dad had to put me in my place growing up - even now in my twenties I have the occasional moment where they pull the 'watch your mouth young lady' card. No one is a saint. That doesn't mean I love them any less.
sw33tlovin sw33tlovin 8 years
i guess i have a dirty mind, but i thought this question was going to go in another direction with that headline. lol. and it seems so did others. lol. anyways, to me, cooking is always a stressful situation .. and if that's not stressful enough, you had family over. you're human and you're bound to say things in the heat of the moment. i understand you feel guilty, but i feel like if he's going to judge your whole character based on that one little incident, then i think you should be civil to him .. but he's not worth getting to know on a deeper level if you know what i mean.
Phunkometry Phunkometry 8 years
Phew, like everyone else, I'm relieved that this story was about a cucumber salad! I think that this is totally forgivable. I'd just be extra nice to him next time you see him or talk to him. Like if your boyfriend is on the phone with his folks, ask to say a quick hello, how are you, I hope to see you again soon, etc. Little gestures like that will show both of them that you're not a monster! And, though I wouldn't recommend this particular tactic, at least maybe he'll learn to stay out of your kitchen ;)
richandfamous10 richandfamous10 8 years
"Obviously we have different standards when it comes to treating our parents, and treating the parents of our friends and significant others." You are missing the point. The OP realized she made a mistake and apologized, and still felt bad. You may not find that forgivable but your post in my opinion was harsh for an isolated incident...and you assumed things about the way she treated her parents regularly, just as you are now assuming the standards I have for treating my parents, which by the way are very high. I maintain that I hope you are easier and more light-hearted with your future son or daughter-in-law, or they will be miserable.
Joelgasm Joelgasm 8 years
Okay, so, I really thought this was going to be something else from the title. lol. But yeah, people blow up sometimes, and I'm sure he understands but it would probably make you feel better if you called him up or wrote him a note explaining you were really stressed out and stuff and you didn't mean to be rude. He's probably not even thinking about it anymore.
nerdyglam nerdyglam 8 years
Oh lord. I love how we all thought you were going to tell us how you got it on with your future father in law. hahaha Oh boy...anyways...of course, you can be forgiven. It doesn't sound like a huge deal. (Partly because I was imaging something much MUCH worse) Maybe you could ask your parents to start calling you out when you snap at them like that so you can try to break the habit in the bud. Of course, nobody is perfect, but if you start trying not to snap at them as much maybe you won't accidentally snap at other people. Just apologize when you notice you've done it and explain calmly why you got upset. Everybody makes mistakes. Just fess up to them and people will be willing to forgive you a lot easier.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
"Glowingmoon, you need to get over yourself." Obviously we have different standards when it comes to treating our parents, and treating the parents of our friends and significant others. :)
Vaadsfweytes Vaadsfweytes 8 years
When I read the title, I thought this topic would be a Jerry Springer material. Regarding the topic, I would say not forgive.
pink-elephant pink-elephant 8 years
It's understandable why you snapped. You had already mentioned here that you wanted the kitchen to yourself, having him there when you didn't want him to be didn't help any-so I can see why you snapped. I'd have done the same thing.
lovely2190 lovely2190 8 years
Hahaha ok i def. thought the title meant something else. But you should not feel so bad about it, it happens and you already asked for forgiveness. But if you still feel bad maybe talk to your boyfriend, or even the father and explain how stressed you were if you haven't already done that. But def. do not worry about it! :)
sugar-n-spice sugar-n-spice 8 years
Stuff happens! Ask for forgiveness!
jessie jessie 8 years
:pms: hey it happens.....forgive and forget!!!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
I'd have pimp-slapped him. J/k! It happens, i just don't know why he'd distrust your word since you live with his son, thus you know how he operates.
geebers geebers 8 years
:rotfl: OMG I thought the same thing. Glad to know I am not alone.
richandfamous10 richandfamous10 8 years
Glowingmoon, you need to get over yourself. She immediately apologized, meaning she felt bad about it and cared about the feelings of her boyfriend's father. She has been feeling bad about that one incident ever since! Where did she imply that she is rude to his parents on a regular basis? And she said she reserves that side for her parents, probably in the sense that one only feels bold enough to act that way around their own parents, and even then, not on a regular basis..we have all talked back to our parents before! I hope you don't show this attitude toward your own daugher/son in law in the future or else they are in for a rocky relationship with you.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
"Obviously I showed him a side he hadn't seen before — one I usually only have when dealing with my own parents." I'm in the minority here. Not forgive. Are you saying you're normally rude to your parents?? No wonder you treated your boyfriend's Dad that way. Truthfully, I think your apology to him was empty. This was your NORMAL behavior toward parent-figures, not abnormal. I think your apology was empty. You're were trying to pacify him. You weren't truly remorseful over your normal behavior. You just didn't like the reaction you received. Let me tell you something, if my husband spoke harshly to my Dad or Mom, I would find that unacceptable. I wouldn't care if he was exhausted or stressed. That is not a license to take it out on my folks. Similarly, I would never treat his parents that way. Incidentally, I broke-up with a boyfriend who was rude to my Mom. I saw no future for us when he did that. To me, that was serious boundary he crossed, and it was a point of no return. If I was your boyfriend, I would seriously re-consider my relationship with you. If he's the marrying type, and if he's smart, he should think twice about asking you to marry him, and making you part of the family. You're normally rude to your parents, and you just offended his Dad. Yeah, you would make a great addition to the family.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
If I were you I'd write him a note saying that this is it, you're family - because obviously, when you feel comfortable snapping at someone for something so silly, it's because there's a level of intimacy that has made you let your guard down, and you're being yourself. That, or never mention it again. He'll have forgotten in a week. And maybe you'll laugh about this in many years, or it will be his toast at your wedding: "the day my D-I-L snapped at me, I finally understood she was family". Take it with humor.
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