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Sunday Confessional: I Hate My Christmas Present

This week's confessional comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to offer your advice in the comments.

A few months ago I was shopping with my boyfriend, and we walked into a bedding shop where I found a gorgeous duvet cover. I made some inquiries knowing it would be way too expensive for me, and it was. So we left the store and I never really thought about it again. I remember telling him "it was beautiful but i can't really afford it, and I don't even own a duvet to wear it!"

Then comes Christmas time. He asks me "I can't decide what to get you. One is practical, the other isn't." I quickly responded, "Do not get the practical gift." He laughed. Well jokes on me because the stupid duvet cover is exactly what he bought me! He even let it slip a couple of weeks ago before he even bought it and I said: "Please, do not get me that duvet cover for Christmas. I like to buy those things myself. It would be like me getting you a lamp or chair as a gift." He seemed to get it, but he still bought the thing!


And even worse! I bought him an amazing dslr camera that I can barely even afford! In return I get this stupid bedding that cannot be returned for a refund. And I still don't have a duvet! Argh. I want to tell him that I'm disappointed with my gift, but I don't want to seem unappreciative. I just feel like he didn't even take the time to think about what I would like and got me the first thing that came to mind, even after I told him I didn't want it. We've been together for a year, not that that matters, but, you know.  A friend of mine thinks he should get me something else to "make up for it." I just feel disappointed and like my hands are tied.

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Source: Flickr User Kasia/flickr

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louistong louistong 7 years
You guy should be honest with each other on gifting. But the more important point, you both have to be honest about finances. Money is one of the most common reason couples fight. If you guys cannot plan and handle money together, ther is no future for y'all.
andreadawn andreadawn 7 years
So I just bought my fiancee a gift that he has mentioned over and over. It is also a practical gift (a thermostat - don't ask! we just bought a house together and the thermostat it came with isn't "programmable"). Practical gifts are VERY common to give as gifts in MY family. Anyway, he just opened it, and told me it wasn't the right model, and his mom should be responsible for giving him practical gifts, not me. In his words: "maybe we can take this back and you can get me a nice shirt or something?" I'm so upset. I thought I was being so sneaky getting him something that he mentions all the time, but wouldn't buy himself. I came to this website for condolences, but found this post and was so upset! I think you should be happy with your gift. You won't ALWAYS get gifts that are perfect, and exactly what you want - but SO WHAT??? He "owes" you another gift? That's something my immature sister would say.
danakscully64 danakscully64 7 years
Can I have your duvet cover? :) I don't think you're a spoiled brat, I think you're more disappointed that more thought didn't go into your gift. I think more thought went in than you believe (most guys don't remember what you said months back). Guys think differently than girls. Over the last 5 years, I've given the most thoughtful gifts to my guy (he has used and loved every one... everything from CDs, to calenders - which he LOVES for some reason, books, a camera, specialty foods, kiss and hug coupons, massage coupons, special design shirts - funny bagpipe one since he's a piper, Anchorman shirt that says Stay Classy, a boston terrier shirt, and other things he loves). With him, I don't expect gifts as thoughtful and surprising, but he does do a good job every year with at least 1. I'm very direct if I really want something. Last Christmas I wanted Castle Season 1 and when I saw it went on sale for $17, I e-mailed him the link. I tell him flat out so there is no guessing and no bad surprises. Even if I did get a bad gift, I wouldn't be upset about it. The poster is venting, don't attack her. I like to get online and vent my frustration sometimes too.
PeachesnCreme PeachesnCreme 7 years
And getting mad about it does what? Nothing. It's understandable to feel let down, but let it go. Try thinking about it in a not-so-materialistic way, besides, that's not what Christmas is about. If you miss him or something you'll have it to remind you of him (and hopefully you won't feel spiteful towards it) Have a sense of humor! He got you this gift thinking you would like it, you don't love it- big deal! You'll always have the goofy duvet to remind you that your bf loves you. Learn from this, and try to be clearer about what you want.
Cherlene Cherlene 7 years
I agree with PinkNC, men really do need direction when it comes to gift giving. It almost needs to be written like you do with their 'honey do' list. Things to do. It sounds like his heart was in the right place, so I would be happy about that if I were you. :)
dootsie dootsie 7 years
You sound a little bit bratty. He was trying to save you from spending your money on the duvet. When you said you like to buy those things for yourself, you were essentially saying "I really, really want that duvet cover, but I'll just go spend MY money on it later." If you DID NOT want it, you should have said "Please don't get me that duvet for Christmas. Maybe I'll get one like it when we get a duvet. Y'know what I'd really like for Christmas? A..."
PinkNC PinkNC 7 years
Wow...some people are being a little TOO harsh here. The truth is a lot of men simply don't listen when it comes to what gifts to buy.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 7 years
Spoiled Brat. I hope you spill something horrid on that duvet cover you DONT WANT.
hiptobesquare hiptobesquare 7 years
Seriously, Ladies. Stop being so mean. She simply has a gift that is useless to her since she doesn't have a duvet and can't return it, despite telling her man over and over she didn't want to get that a present. Wouldn't it suck to be sitting on a $200 dollar useless blanket? I say this: Buy a cheap duvet at Ikea or something, and deal. He tried, give him credit and next Christmas, agree on no gifts, that you will take each other out for a night on the town. Much more fun than a duvet cover or any gadget (unless it vibrates ;) )
bluestar bluestar 7 years
LOL...really??? He thought you liked the duvet so he bought it for you. You bought something YOU can't afford to give to him. That was your choice. It's life, sh*t happens, this is nothing compared to everything else that happens to some people. Thank him and get over it. Don't say anything about it!
RainyTuesday RainyTuesday 7 years
I remember thinking this same thing after exchanging presents with my bf after dating for the first year. I wanted something romantic, and got something practical. It wasn't about how much he spent, but that he "celebrated the milestone of our first christmas, and cherished the growing love that we had for eachother". It sounds kind of funny to me now, but at the time I was a wreck. Just try to keep it all in perspective. It's only one gift, and down the road you'll have better communication skills together and you'll be cutting each other much more slack. It sounds like you think he's worth it, so just forget about the disappointment ASAP and move on to exciting New Year's Eve plans! Good luck!
biarose biarose 7 years
When I first read this I thought you were being a bit ungrateful.. but after reading your next comment, I think your problem is that you feel like he didn't put much thought into the gift? Like he didn't think about who you are and what would be a really thoughtful gift to give you.
chloe-bella chloe-bella 7 years
He probably felt bad that you said you couldn't afford the duvet cover, especially after you went to the trouble of inquiring about it in front of him. It sounds like he actually did put a lot of thought into it. My boyfriend of 4 years has gotten me several practical gifts that I secretly disliked but that he was really proud of. One was portable GPS for my car (because I was moving to a new city for him and am notoriously bad at directions) and another was an expensive cooking class (because I had made the comment that I wanted to start cooking more, even though I actually hate cooking and had NO desire to attend the class). Both times I just let it go, because he was proud of the gifts and I would never want to hurt his feelings. This is just my opinion, but part of being an adult, I think, is learning to be gracious and understanding that people are not capable of reading your mind and getting you a perfect gift every time.
Hello890 Hello890 7 years
My husband and I never exchange Christmas's too stressful worrying about what to give everyone else anyway. Maybe next year you guys should set a money limit to spend on each others gifts? Or, you could both chip in and donate to a charity...much more fulfilling than receiving things!
sparklestar sparklestar 7 years
Last Valentines Day I went *all out* and bought my boyfriend lots of thoughtful little gifts. I even had a card handmade for him. What did he get me? NOTHING. A big fat NOTHING. He got me a card because "valentines is not important to him". Honestly, that still hurts. Who do I have to blame? ME! I never asked him how he felt about Valentines and I never told him I expected gifts in return !! We can't assume everybody has the same gift-giving standards as we do because we're all taught differently when we are growing up. My boyfriend is thoughtful and will try and pick up hints and whatnot but I *still have to spell it out for him*. Why? Because nobody ever schools men in how to buy presents!! Little girls are schooled by their mothers in lovely thoughtful gift-giving and little boys are basically clueless to the whole affair. Before this Christmas I sent my boyfriend a few links to things I wanted (ghd hair straighteners was one, which I got) to stop him from buying things I didn't want/had already bought for myself. It would be a waste of his money and time to buy things I didn't want so how fruitless would that be? He knew I wanted "hair straighteners" but I had to tell him specifically which ones because how is he supposed to know which ones are good? He doesn't use them! I think you were a little silly to buy him a dslr camera that you can "barely afford" when you were expecting him to be able to read your mind in return. I love my boyfriend but I would *never* be so assuming as to buy him an expensive gift without his input, even if I did research it well. I've promised him a watch which will cost around $600-$800 and he's *still* researching it. Once he decides he'll get it as the money is there but it's not something I would ever throw money at without him telling me specifically which one. Your boyfriend was doing something caring and you're blasting him for it. Yeah it SUCKS that you have to *communicate* with your boyfriend about your needs, wants and wishes but hey, if you don't like it then you should be dating a GIRL.
genesisrocks genesisrocks 7 years
I'm not going to insult you because I don't believe in saying anything online that I wouldn't say to your face, but seriously, another present to make up for it? It's the thought that counts; you're not entitled to anything.
bonchicbongenre bonchicbongenre 7 years
If you think a duvet cover is bad - my finance got me a monkey bobble-head soap dispenser one Christmas!! It sucks to get a gift you don't like, but just try to be thankful and give him a list next year. DO NOT ask him for a new gift - that is just bad manners.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
Look. Men need straight answers on what you want for gifts. That's all there is to it. They don't get it, what you really want inside your head. It takes years of experience to understand that. When they try to second guess, watch out, things can get really bad and you wind up anywhere from a piano you can't play or a pair of puma socks for the gym you could have bought for yourself. When you see a woman bragging about a ring she got, take it from me, she helped, guided, hinted and basically pointed out to the poor guy what it was she wanted. She may not make that claim, but most likely that is the situation. There are a few men out there who have good taste, but even then, it's questionable what you will wind up with. If you are difficult to please, just tell them to hang on to all receipts and that will solve any future problems.
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