Skip Nav
34 Love Songs to Send to Your SO
7 Reasons I Wish I Hadn't Taken My Husband's Last Name
Game of Thrones
This Sexy Jon Snow and Daenerys Fan Art Proves That They Just Need to Do It Already

Sunday Confessional: I Was Just Joking

Dear Sugar,

I work part time at a bar on the weekends, and I get a ton of drunk idiots on a regular basis. This last Thursday, two girls rolled in together around 1 a.m. One girl had a surgical mask on her face and the other girl was smiling. Thinking they were drunk and being silly, I asked the girl with the mask if she was sick. She replied and said, "You don't wanna know." Jokingly, purely jokingly, I said, "Ha, is it SARS?" All of a sudden her friend starts yelling at me, telling me she has cancer and needs to wear the mask so she doesn't get sick since her immune system is so weakened by the chemotherapy.

I looked at her in shock and profusely apologized. She wouldn't drop it and said, "If you don't believe me I'm losing my hair," while pulling off her hat to expose her balding head. I felt like such a jerk. I apologized over and over but I still feel guilty. Can I be forgiven?


Join The Conversation
Debbie-Dee Debbie-Dee 9 years
that's f'kd up! but ur forgiven...we all put our foot in our mouth every now and then...and you apologized...can't do much more except be more careful about ASSuming things next time....
Magica Magica 9 years
Forgive. I don't think what you did was shocking at all, but I'm seriously shocked at how many people are questioning this girl's right to be in a bar. I'm suffering from an illness myself (and my immune system is shot)and most days I'm too weak to even leave the house. If I actually felt well enough one day to spend time with my friends in a bar,then I bloody well would! Obviously no drinking though. It hasn't happened yet in the time I've been sick, but hey, one can hope. Oh, and to the people talking about how bad smoky bars are for sick people; there's no smoking in Cali bars. Don't know where this was though. Haha, glad I got that off my chest. Just got really annoyed.;-)
laurafox laurafox 9 years
I feel bad for you. Bars aren't usually the type of places where people go to be super serious, so don't beat yourself up for trying to show the two girls a good, light-hearted time. Not accepting your apology - which you clearly genuinely offered - is immature on their part. I'm sure they're sensitive due to the situation, but come on. We all do things like that.
catesugar catesugar 9 years
They should be asking you for forgiveness. Even if you're dying of cancer, trying to make other people feel bad about it when they've made an innocent mistake is very poor manners.
cari047 cari047 9 years
I say forgive! And what the hell is a cancer patient doing at the bar? That should be the last place she should be going! If the cancer girl is living her life then she shouldn't have taken that comment so seriously.
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 9 years
Forgive! What you did was embarrassing, but you weren't criticizing the girl in any way. It could have been dropped and forgotten in a moment if the friend hadn't freaked out. Besides, a bar isn't a sanitary place at all, so going out to a bar probably wasn't hte best place for her to be.
trixiefire trixiefire 9 years
Forgive. I've had some very serious long term illnesses in my short life, and what she did was an overreaction. She obviously is not handling her illness well, because most in that situation are usually willing to forgive people who just didnt know.
Jennifer777 Jennifer777 9 years
FORGIVE!! You have no more to worry about. You might a comment and apologized when the person got offended..over & done with.
Jack-D Jack-D 9 years
I understand why you feel bad, but I would have followed all the yelling with "if she is so sick, why is she at the bar?"
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
Please, they should apologize to you, not the other way around. IF her immune system is down, she shouldnt be out at a bar fer christsakes.
MandyJoBo MandyJoBo 9 years
And yes, WHY would someone want to spend what life they have left doing what they want to do and/or not sit around moping? God FORBID!
MandyJoBo MandyJoBo 9 years
I can't imagine making that sort of comment to anyone wearing a mask like that. I certainly can't imagine going further after the "you don't want to know" comment. It wasn't a kind thing to do and I hope you don't make that mistake again. The reaction you received, however, was not your fault. You were definitely not the first person to have asked about/made a SARS comment to them that night.
ckeller825 ckeller825 9 years
Seriously, that girl shouldn't have been in a bar in the first place!!!!!
Calimie Calimie 9 years
Forgive. You couldn't have known it! I understand that she could get angry when you said it but she should have listened to your apology and understood that it was a simple mistake. I would have thought she was just calling attention to herself, too.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
Totally forgive. My question is what was a cancer patient doing in a bar especially with her immune system compromised? When of my closest friends had AML trust me he did not feel up to even leaving the house. You apologized now everyone needs to get over it.
Jinx Jinx 9 years
Forgive, like everyone else. These girls are idiots. Why would someone so sensitive to germs go to a bar.
7kimba7 7kimba7 9 years
What are you, psychic? You didn't know, and it was a bar at 1AM... that's not where you expect to run into seriously ill people. Forgive.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
Oh please- dont beat yourself up over it. They were obviouslly calling attention to themselves- who would go out like that? Plus, you didnt know! Otherwise you wouldnt have joked...
LovelyLady8 LovelyLady8 9 years
Yeah.. I can't say that I wouldn't have doen the same thing.. Actually I had spinal surgery and had to wear this enormous brace.. Fortunately, I was creative enough to come up with outfits so that it was SOMEWHAT and I say that loosely because it was from my collar bone to my pelvic bone.. But on top it still stuck out.. People said things all the time. I knew I was pending a very serious spinal surgery and it was just a fact. I laughed it off and told people that it was my bullet proof vest.. and people appreciate my sense of humor and always felt bad once they found out. I didn't feel bad so they didn't even need to apologize. I also learned if someone doesn't know you.. they don't know what you're going thru.. so don't expect people to be super sensitive and reserved about it. Definitly forgive. Being in the situation this woman should know that when you step out into public it's fair game and free speech. She should have stayed home OR got a sense of humor.
Choco1337 Choco1337 9 years
While the subject matter is sensitive, some people just need to learn how to take a joke..
cittypark cittypark 9 years
it seems as though you were just trying to be friendly, funny, and approachable~ you work at a bar, so it's more likely that you would be so forward to the patrons. it was a honest mistake. and isn't it obvious why someone w. cancer might want a night out at a bar? but the mask is obviously going to attract unwanted attention.
CupcakeGal10 CupcakeGal10 9 years
These things happen- everyone lets things slip out once in a while, and even though these experiences royally suck, sometimes it's good to have reminders that seemingly tame jokes (e.g. "Are you on Prozac?" "Are you retarded?" Etc. etc.) are very sensitive topics for people affected by them. Don't beat yourself up. It was an accident, you apologized, you're fine. Sounds like these women took your comment WAY too personally, and the alcohol they were imbibing probably didn't help their emotional reaction either. Let go and go one- you're fine! :)
isahrangme isahrangme 9 years
and really, i can't believe the comments about "why would a girl with cancer be in a bar"? why can't she be in a bar? why isn't she entitled to a night out with her friends, even if that means going to a bar? does having cancer mean you can't enjoy life?
isahrangme isahrangme 9 years
i think both parties are forgiveable. i'm sure those girls didn't mean to take it out on you. i mean, perhaps the girl with cancer had an EXTREMELY rocky day, but other than that, she is more positive. and they went to the bar because, like anyone else affected by illnesses, they (both the ill girl and her friends) want to be able to live their lives! but at the same time, you didn't know. it was a joke. either way, it's like a "yo momma" joke... you never know if that person's mom has passed away in an unfortunate way, or just plain passed away
Marci Marci 9 years
I can't help but wonder if you were totally played by those two. Their reaction to your profuse and genuine apology is so over the top that is sounds like a lot of b.s. We ALL say things like you did and we all have those experiences of putting our foot in our mouths. You didn't mean anything by it, they should've let it go. And they didn't, which is what makes me think they were full of it.
Friends Honor Artist's Last Wishes With Water Ballet Routine
#IBelieveYou Supports Sexual Assault Victims (Video)
Father Sits Outside Sick Wife's Bedroom to Keep Her Company
Mom's Last Days With Her Son With Cancer
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds