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Sunday Confessional: I Was the Other Woman

My husband left me just over six months ago, and in that time I became a mistress to a married man. We slept together during the day while his wife was at work and his children were in school; he worked nights. I thought I loved him and I thought that he loved me. He told me he didn't want to leave his children, but that I helped keep him "sane" and "whole." He wasn't sure what would happen with his marriage, though he always said that he loved that I loved him unconditionally.

In the end, I knew he would never leave his family. It made me realize what I was doing to his marriage and I ended it. Even though I no longer have any contact with him, I still feel horribly guilty. I want to believe that what I did wasn't the end of the world, but it's so hard. Can I be forgiven for this one big mistake or will I always be the "other woman"?


ashleyann ashleyann 9 years
I vote completely NOT FORGIVE.... Having lived through this myself I know the after effects by YOUR selfish choice. You were only thinking about yourself and what you wanted. How about what happens to ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE involved? The choices you made will continue to ripple and effect so many people. Those children will now most likely live in a broken home, did you think about that when you decided to continue with the affair. Whatever happened to the Sanctity of marriage... those VOWS you made to your husband? There may have been a day where I would have voted Forgive, however I never will again having lived through this situation and been an innocent bystander and have watched my family crumble due to two peoples choice to be SELFISH and pursue what they want above what their family needs. If you were unhappy you should have gotten out before you pursued an adulterous affair. Sure I may come across cold-hearted, but I know what this hurt does to a family and I've tried picking up the pieces but my family will NEVER be the same. In time maybe you can feel peace with yourself...and I hope you will be able to... but I hope you never forget, and never repeat the hurt you caused others.
geebers geebers 9 years
Im just repeating everyone else- but I vote Forgive. Few people realize their mistakes and actually try to better themselves for it- you took that step to realize you did something that was wrong. Personally - HE should be the one asking for forgiveness from everyone he hurt. But while I dont condone cheating - you obviously learned from this and I think you should forgive yourself and move on.
Not forgive. You realized the situation prior to spreading your legs. Just because you ended it because you felt bad, that doesn't erase your actions. If his wife finds out next month, or next year, it won't matter that you dumped him after a few months, the hurts already been done. You should think about the consequences before you make stupid, hurtful decisions, not after.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
You need to forgive yourself. You know you made the wrong choice and have done the right thing and completely cut off all contact with him.
Jeny Jeny 9 years
Feels as if you wanted to see what it felt like to be the other woman because you knew your husband had another woman. It's strange how we as people are wired.
gigill gigill 9 years
Forgive maybe, but forget? Never. And unfortunately for you, you'll probably have to live with the memory and guilt of this your whole life. Let this be a lesson not to do it again. I guess that's what the guilt is there for. "Smart people learn from their own mistakes, wise people learn from others." Obviously you are not a wise person, so here's hoping that you're a smart one. Good luck.
hottpink hottpink 9 years
Forgive. We are human, we make mistakes. Just DON'T do it again and find yourself a wonderful single man who treats you right!
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
Forgive- you obviously know you made a mistake and learned from it. Just dont ever be that 'other woman' again.
Indigo4320 Indigo4320 9 years
Good for you for ending something you knew was wrong. Although, if I were the wife and this had happened to me I might not care if you eventually came to your senses. I'd still want to squash you. To her you'll always be the other woman. BUT to yourself if you truly do regret the situation and want to move on from it totally, you can forgive yourself and stop being the other woman. I have a friend who consistantly engages in affairs with taken men. I don't understand how she can knowingly endanger a relationship and risk causing pain to someone. When I found this out about her I lost all respect for her. So if you admit your affair to your friends, you may have to deal with anger from them as well. If they love you, they'll forgive you I'm sure, but won't look at you the same. Good luck, hope you can come out of this situation a better person and find a good healthy relationship in the future.
kissmesteph kissmesteph 9 years
Forgive. Obviously you feel guilty about it and you ended it, so you deserve some credit for having a conscience and knowing it was wrong. We all make mistakes, and you were going through a difficult time, what with your marriage ending. As long as you learn from your mistake and don't do it again. :)
time_after_time time_after_time 9 years
Ouch, why are people so mean?? Forgive, totally. Yes, you were wrong, but I don't think you did it intentionally to hurt the guy's wife. Don't beat yourself up over it. Should you have stopped once you found out? yes, but do you have any obligation to HIS wife? NO... She wasn't you wife...
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
lol...some glowing ones have probably cheated..but in their was "true love".... It's easy...when one of those...I'm sleeping with a married man...comes up some call the woman a cheater and a slut...(i do sometimes)...the same applies least for me...I have very few double she's still cheating or stopped doesn't matter.....SHE CHEATED...or as some of you argue...he cheated...the fact that she is sorry and wants somebody else to make her feel better...gets NO SYMPATHY from me!
Meike Meike 9 years
You may forgive yourself but you will always be the 'other woman' in this situation. As for what I think of what you did, I would not forgive you. I put myself in the wife's shoes and will neither forgive the husband who cheated on me and the woman he cheated on me with, at least not for a long, long, long time. What you did is a devastating blow to the wife if she ever finds out. It is a life/family ruining situation. In fact, if I was the wife, I'd just as soon label you all those derogatory names reserved for cheaters and the people they cheat with as well. Sorry, that's just how I feel. Your husband left you six month's prior. And, yeah, maybe you needed emotional support but you found it in the wrong place. I never ever, ever understand why anyone chooses to build a relationship with another person that is 'unavailable'. It's beyond my comprehension because there are so many nice, single available 'no-strings attached' people out there who could have help you in your time of need. Your decision to sleep with this man and knowing he had a family is no less selfish than his decision to cheat on his wife.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
I've got to agree with GlowingMoon about the whole throwing "karma" around. Some of you sound like fortune cookies, if she needed that kind of advice she could order some General Tso's chicken.
Charger Charger 9 years
I don't like that you were called "slut". You made a mistake, and now you are going to move through stages of guilt and remorse until you find peace within yourself...the most important thing is that you learn a lesson, realize that you hurt yourself and others, and then NEVER do such a thing again. Sometimes, if a woman chooses to sleep with more than one man, she may call herself a slut...and mean it in the most loving, humorous way. I HATE it when women call another woman that name in a derogatory way--not cool, ladies!
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
Those of you who speak of karma are laughable. What goes around, does come around. Including stone-casting. When you ever make a poor decision or mistake, remember the words you written here.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
its women like u, who allow themselves to be put in this situation, who ruin the lives of women and children and whole families everywhere. and its women like u who make it possible for men to cheat. u feel guilty now? after the damage is done? where was ur conscience while u were having sex with him? well whats done is done, but watch out for karma, it most likely will bite u in the ass.
annebreal annebreal 9 years
Yeah, this is why Sunday Confessionals bother me...I think people forget that this woman is possibly/probably reading all your remarks, and I think some of you are using this being online to take away accountability for the sting of your remarks. I think there's a way to answer the forgive/not forgive question without judging and condemning and being much harsher than you would be face-to-face.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
The complete intolerance to extramarital affairs leads me to think that some of you seen seen little darkness in life, which is fortunate, I suppose. Those who engage in extramarital affairs are not always the bad guys. It depends the circumstances. :)
munkeegirl88 munkeegirl88 9 years
Not forgive. I personally, have no remorse who takes part in cheating. I know if I was the wife, I would be horribly devestated. And with a man with children too!? I know he had a part in it too but if my dad had an affair, I'd never forgive him.
kia kia 9 years
Forgive in time. It sounds like you have some stuff to work out.
scottiegirl scottiegirl 9 years
I am sorry I say not forgive. If you know that this person is married and have kids why would you do it anyways. This person should have walked away. Yes I know it takes two but somebody should have said no.
Kazagirl Kazagirl 9 years
Not Forgive. I don't believe in knowingly trying to breaking up families even if you did leave. Karma will get you in the end.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Poor thing. I hope you can forgive yourself for this. Regret is a bitch, isn't it? But consider this your penance, so you need to pay it, and then make peace with yourself. I have a feeling you won't ever do this again. You are a person with a conscience. You know it was wrong. But don't listen to anyone who tells you it makes you a BAD, HORRIBLE person. Because you aren't. We all make mistakes, but it doesn't mean we're all bad people. There is a huge distinction between those two ideas, and it's an important one. It's a hard thing, to know you did something wrong, and then to make your peace with it. It's not easy. Oh, and by the way, the husband is the one who betrayed his family. You took part in that and it's not a great thing, but you don't bear equal weight in the betrayal here.
remedios remedios 9 years
"I want to believe that what I did wasn't the end of the world" That line worries me. It leads me to think that this is just to relieve guilt and the poster will possibly do the same thing again.
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